


Cigarettes In The Theatre

by natshana



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Angst and Humor, Bullying, Cashier Clarke, Eventual Smut, F/F, Family, Fluff, Homophobia, Light Angst, Nerdy Lexa, POV Third Person, Shy lexa, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 70,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natshana/pseuds/natshana
Summary: They close at eight but the small, pouty frown which adorns the girl's lips and the gentle crease that forms between her brows makes the late hours seem all the more worth it. Of course that's what she tells herself anyway, nevermind the dwindling night sky which casts the shop in a soft glow and makes the girl's vibrant eyes dance like a forest under stars.or the 1983 movie store AU where Lexa is a small gay nerd who loves video games and Clarke is a smitten cashier for the awkward girl in wire frame glasses. (cause what's better than 80's wlw and video games)





	1. That Goddamn Bell

The thirty minute walk down Pine street at six in the morning is cold. The sidewalk lays frosted over from the early morning dew, whose crystals form intricate patterns along the worn down cement from years of wandering travelers and city folk. Cars whiz by, picking up loose gravel and grime, too small to see but after a while build up enough residue to make jeans of passerby’s a little more faded on the bottom. The air is sharp for a mid November morning, burning with each intake of breath for which the bundled up woman, shuffling down the street at the break of dawn, can’t tell if pleasurable or down right annoying.

Her age old boots scrape along the frosty concrete, crunching along with the sounds of the city morning. Hands wedged in pockets and head wrapped in a red, crisscrossed scarf, the blonde makes her way towards work like every other day for the past week and a half. Ever since her father’s truck sputtered and shook against the turn of its key till its engine blew as smoke rose from beneath its dirt brown and rusty hood. One tow later put her three paychecks in debt and on a one month waiting list for new transmission parts.

A gust of wind blew down the street, pulling strands from the hair tied up on her head. Her teeth chattered from beneath the scarf as her balled and frozen fists clenched together against the freezing, soon to be winter, air. She continued down her desired path, carrying the smell of stale french fries and over greased burgers as she passed by Nico’s Diner. Its front display adorned by twinkling Christmas lights of white and red, even though it was a week before Thanksgiving, he was never one to hold in his holiday spirit. Her feet carried her past Miya’s bookstore and Emori's craft shop, rounding the corner on eighth and bringing her stiff body before a faded red door where shaky fingers slowly withdrew a ring of keys to unlock its contents.

Pale hands, red from the weather, quickly pushed the door inwards, sounding the small, faded gold bell above the frame and bringing forth the smell of static and dust. She rushed inside, kicking the door shut with her boot and quickly discarding her gloves and tightly wound scarf.

“Fuck,” chapped lips muttered quietly, a small cloud forming before her mouth as she set to work flipping the switches along the control panel in the storage room. Slowly, the store buzzed to life, first the overhead fluorescent bulbs, splaying light across counters full of cassette tapes and the newest movies on VHS, on the shelves, stocked to the brim, and over the worn down, blue carpet along with the red brick walls. Then the small heaters resting next to the storage door frame, clicked and ticked as heat slowly started to trickle through the rooms. The screens of several different TV sets lit up around the shop, including the Pye Tube Cube, a new 9-inch, black and white television, which carried a cassette player, a clock, and a radio, burst to life in the far corner of the shop. Beside it being the Teletext, a 22-inch color television which came with its own remote, buzzed and hummed as its screen lit, displaying the daily forecast on channel eight.

“Cold, cold, cold, and fucking colder,” she mumbled under her breath along with the over eager weatherman. This is what she gets for staying in the small shit pit town of Lincoln City, Oregon. Where the days are cold and the nights are like Antarctica on steroids. She could have accepted the application to the University to Portland but _nooo_ , she had to stay in town with her handful of friends and deadbeat boyfriend to look after her mother who had flown off her rocker. Not like she had to worry about her now, six months ago, the state classified her as “mentally unstable”, said she developed a psychosis known as mania. Some high tech and scientific word that made her mother seem like a critical hospital patient in need of care instead of just calling her crazy; because that’s what she was, crazy. A crazy person who now sits in a crazy person home on the other side of town because no 20 year old currently undergoing college has the time or funds to take care of someone who thinks that forks are people too.

Sighing, the blonde made her way out of storage and back into the main room of the store, making her way around, prepping it for the day, opening shutters and flipping the board from “closed” to “open”. Switching on the new and fancy florescent signs that hung behind the fogged-up windows, displaying their new products and discounts. Lights were lit in the display cases and the shelves were reorganized from the mishap of the previous day. Romantic movies went back to the romance section, kid’s movies to the kids, horror to the horror, so on and so forth. Her hand skimmed over the case of _Boogeyman 2_ in the kid’s section and she chuckled, “What a great children’s movie. Scar those poor suckers for life with their parents storming back in here yelling in my face, like _“Oh, I’m sorry, was the gruesome monster in the closet on the cover and a name like Boogeyman not enough telltale signs for you?”._ ” Her palms splayed out in the gesture of shock she was feigning to make, the movie tucked under her arm as she made her way back over to the horror section to return the tape to its rightful place.

Walking back behind the counter as people started to wonder in, she started up her till, counting the green and crinkled bills that currently lay at rest in the machine while adding in the new amount she would need for the day. Warmer hands readjusted the sloppy bun resting atop her head as she gave a small smile to a middle aged man walking through the door, bringing along a swirl of piercing cold air and a ring of the golden bell that’s held its place above the door after so many years.

The day progressed slowly after that, she would ring up customers, put back misplaced items, restock movies and other items from storage, rinse and repeat. All day the TV’s blared their nonsense and shown their colorful, and sometimes not so colorful, programs. Customers asked mindless questions about current and upcoming products which she would answer within the blink of an eye, not having to put much thought into it. A small boy cried when his mother found out what the movie ratings truly stood for on all his tapes, glaring at her as his mother pulled him by the arm out the door, which closed behind them with a soft ding that echoed through the currently empty store. The blonde cringed at the sound as she went to write down the new stock of movies she had gathered from the mother, that damn bell would be the death of her.

It would ring constantly day in, and day out. It would ring when paying customers and window shoppers would enter, ring when they left, ring when they came back because they had forgotten something. Ring when bored children would play and giggle at door, at the cute and frilly sounds it would make as they opened and closed, opened and closed, opened and closed it. Until she would snap at them and have the glares of parents pierce into the back of her skull as they shuffled their small children out the old red door. That bell rang nonstop, without fault, since the day she started working at the old and dusty movie shop off of eighth and Pine. Most days her ears were numb to its soft ding, but not today. Today was Tuesday, and she hated herself for having ears keen to its soft rings which were gradually growing on her nerves.

~

At seven o’clock sharp, just like every other Tuesday and Thursday since they set up the “Try It Before You Buy It” station in the far left corner of the store, against the wall with the red entrance door, the bell dinged as a tall brunette slowly pushed her way into the store. Her eyes swiping through the place quickly before down casting back to the floor. Her nose was red underneath her round, wire framed glasses from the weather outside which quickly spread to her cheeks when she had caught the blonde cashiers eye. A small smile made its way onto her lips as she headed over to the corner where a small television was set up with the _Nintendo_ they had gotten that July.

A similar curve of the lips was replicated on the cashier as she watched her walk over to the system. She couldn’t help but widen her smile at the black and white, striped sweater that sat under a faded jean jacket on the brunette. Paired with her high waisted, light blue jeans and old, broken down Converse high-tops, which all together looked _so_ dorky, but on the brunette, it couldn’t be cuter. As the she sat in the month old, green bean bag, courtesy of the blonde herself, the cashier went back to her actual job which didn’t include admiring the girl in the corner of the store. A man had walked up to the counter to ask about the new Britain mini-marvel, a tiny TV that could fit in your hand, which tore her eyes away and reminded her of what she was actually supposed to be doing.

~

At eight the blonde rang up the last customer in the store, besides the brunette, who still sat, fully indulged in the game in the corner. She thanked the woman for her purchase and wished her a good evening, following her to the door to casually flip the opening sign back to its “closed” position. She wasn’t sure if the brunette had never noticed the times listed in front of the store, or if she rather ignored them, but the blonde never mentioned it as she played well past their closing time. Which gave her time to clean and restock, preparation for the next day.

The stars reflected brightly on the storefront windows, the crescent moon peeking from behind a cluster of clouds could be seen above the upcoming movie poster of Scarface, glued to the right hand window of the shop. The lack of outside light dimmed the store to a soft glow, the fluorescent hanging lights tinting the shelves next to them a dim pink and baby blue. Most of the corners of the shop were quite dark due to the minimal lighting, but running televisions lit up the rest and a small lamp rested next to the register, giving the cashier some light to count her total for the day. Soft music filled the space from the radio behind her, set to one of the local stations that was still running at this time of night. She hummed along as her hands worked effortlessly through the crumpled up bills and dull coins, hips swaying slightly and head bopping on certain notes that peaked her interest.

“Miss?” a soft voice pulled her out of her thoughts causing her to jump slightly, dropping the handful of quarters onto the counter which then began to roll in all directions possible. She frowned, watching them scatter before looking up into bright, forest green eyes of the brunette who wore an apologetic expression. Her brows furrowed as she looked back at the strewn coins, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle- “

“Oh no, its fine, really,” The blonde quickly stammered, shutting down the green eyed girl’s apology, “It was only a couple, I’m sure I can find them later.” Smiling at the girl before her, then swapping her expression for a serious one, brows concentrated and a slight frown crossing her features, “Unless they rolled under the mini fridge, then they’re gone forever, dead. Sacrificed to the spiders and dust mites who dwell there. Quarters? What quarters.”

She had turned to said fridge which sat behind her, next to a desk piled high in receipts and book logs. Her unbroken mask cracking only when she heard a small giggle come from the girl who still stood in front of the counter beside her. Turning back, her lips broke into a silly grin, looking at the brunette who stood with a small smile tracing her lips.

“So, what can I do for you?” The blonde asks, turning fully and resting her crossed arms over the display case beneath her, whose lights shown on new Polaroids and Kodaks.

The girl glanced back up from the mess of quarters before her, “Hmm?”

“Anything you need? I figured from, you know, the confrontation, you standing at my counter, and the fact that this also happens to be a store, after all.” The blonde smirked at the girl in front of her, whose cheeks had rose in a blush and her eyes growing ever wider behind her glasses.

“Oh, right, sorry.” She cleared her throat, “I was just wondering if you had a copy of _The Return of the Jedi?_ It’s my sister’s birthday next week and she never had the chance to see it when it had come out so I figured what could be a better gift than that? She’s a huge Star Wars fan, and has seen almost all of them in theater so she was pretty bummed out when she had to miss this one.” Green eyes looked back into blue when she was done. Her fingers absentmindedly playing with a quarter that had laid to rest in front of her, twirling it back and forth between her index finger and thumb.

The blonde's grin grew at the other girls rambling, her chest tight at how adorable the girl in front of her was. “Well it’s a good thing we’re stocked to the brim, let me go check in the back but I have no doubt that we have it.” She replied before turning around and heading to the doorway on her left. She flipped the cracked, white switch beside the door and watched the room light up. Shadows casting around piles of boxes and manuals, shelves lined one side while a tool counter lined the other wall. The counter currently dark do to a separate light switch that controlled the lights underneath the cabinets that hung above the cluttered work tops. Her eyes fell to the metal shelving that held the VHS tapes, scanning the rows before falling on a box labeled Sci-Fi, which sat high above most other boxes, way up on the top shelf, almost touching the tan stained ceiling above. It only took about five minutes to pull out a ladder, search the box and come out with the correct movie before she found her feet taking her back to the front of the shop.

In main area, the brunette stood, leaning against the display case with her eyes trained on one of the televisions across the shop playing _The Outsiders_. The blonde strolled back to the register and began to ring her up, not once disturbing the brunettes focus.

“You ever read the book?” The blue eyed cashier questioned, with the desired movie sitting on the counter before them, already in a bag. Her hands finally at rest as she peered at the brunette in question.

Green eyes blew wide as she jumped, just now noticing the other woman’s presence. Her hand clutched her chest as she glanced back at the blonde who stood there smirking.

“Looks like we're even now.” The blue eyed girl said calmly.

“Looks like,” the taller girl replied softly, smiling, before fully facing her. “And to answer your question, I have. It’s probably one of my favorites, although I never got around to seeing the movie, due to a lack of time and also because quite often the movie does not live up to the book.”

“Ah, well, while I agree that the book is amazing and a favorite of mine as well, the movie actually did it justice. I would say that they’re about equal in quality and I enjoyed them both.” The blonde replied, leaning her hip into the counter.

“I must say that’s quite surprising, I’ll have to make sure and see it sometime then.” Green eyes smiled back at the blonde, clearly taking her words to heart.

“You’ll have to get back to me with your opinion on what you thought, I would love to hear,” she replied, the smile holding firm on her lips before glancing down and pushing the packaged movie across the glass, towards the other girl. “I found it in the back, on top of a super high shelf which is why I took so long, I apologize for the wait.”

“Thank you, I’m sorry for the trouble.” The girl’s hands wrapping around the movie and bringing it under her arm.

“Don’t be, it’s my job,” the shorter women smiled, “it’ll be 2.99$”.

Slim fingers dropped a five on the counter before the movie was tucked securely to the girl’s chest, “keep the change.” The green eyed girl smiled before taking a step back.

“Thank you,” the blonde replied, gently picking up the green and folded bill, “have a good night.” She said, glancing back up at the retreating girls figure.

“You as well, Clarke Griffin.” The taller girl responded.

With a confused glance from blue eyes, she pointed at her chest with her free hand and mouthed the words,  _name tag_. Before slipping through the red door and out into the cold of the November evening; leaving nothing behind but the echo of the small bell from above the door.


	2. Salty Clouds

_Lexa._

_Lexa. Lexa!_

"Lexa! Lexa! Lexa! Lexa! Lexa! -" a constant shoving from her back brought her out of the heavy slumber that lay in her mind and clouded her senses.

"Lexa! Lexa-" slightly more awake, her eyes burst open and she spun around in the bed. Facing the girl who sat beside her, on her knees, with small feet hanging off the edge of the bed.

"Avery," she whispered, hand coming up to wipe the rest of the groggy haze out of her eyes. "What, the fuck, do you think you're doing?!" Her voice rose from a whisper to a shout as her lips finished off the sentence. Eyes glaring into the caramel brown ones of the young girl before her.

Gasping, the girl clutched her chest in shock, "did you just, did you just swear?!" One leg fell off the edge of the bed to take a step back as one knee still lay on the soft purple sheets of her twin size.

"My ears, my poor innocent ears, what is this profanity that has been thrust upon my young and under-knowledged self." She grabbed her ears and fully stepped off the bed, slowly following her feet backwards, "How will I spread this new information, shall I shout it from the roof tops, should-".

Her voice cut off in a _whoomph_ as the older girl snaked out of the covers, and wrapped her arms around the younger one’s waist. Quickly snatching the girl out of the air and pulling her back into the bed, covering them both with the over throw from head to toe.

Avery stared into the glare, pout combo her sister was throwing her way. "You know you love me." The shorter girl chided.

"Remind me again why that is?" Lexa replied, holding her glare for a couple more seconds before relaxing back into a soft smile. "So, what is it you so _dearly_ needed that you came barging into my room at God knows what hour?"

Smirking, the girl responded, "actually, that's the point precisely. It's five till nine".

With a sharp intake of breath, the green eyed girl flung the covers off of them and jumped out of bed, toppling the child beside her onto the floor, "Lexa!" She squealed as she crashed with the hard wood below her in a pile of pillows and blankets.

"Don't, _Lexa_ , me!" She screamed quietly, but with urgency, putting a strain on her own name in a mocking tone, as she rushed around the small room, pulling off her night shirt while simultaneously trying to slip out of her boy shorts. Which left her hopping down the hallway towards the bathroom with one arm twisted in her top and the other tangled somewhere in her legs, cranking her back in a hunched over mess as she pushed her way into the tiled room.

"You're the one, that kept the fact, that I have fifteen minutes, to be seated in a rickety old desk, three miles across town." Pausing between each phrase as she brushed her teeth, muffling most of her words into incoherent nonsense that would be incomprehensible to the untrained ear.

"I kept-?!" Avert stopped, realizing her out lash was muffled before lifting her head from the pile she lay in, "If you had gotten your lazy butt up when I first started calling you, or even, and get this", she pointed at the girl across the hall, glaring through her reflection in the mirror she faced. "If you had replaced the batteries in your clock like I've been telling you for the last three weeks, then we wouldn't even be in this mess." She finished, pulling herself up from the ground and going to lean in the doorway of the shared bathroom.

Spitting her mouth of toothpaste in the sink and rinsing it down with water, Lexa turned and shoved past her sister in a half jog, half walk sort of fashion, back to her room where she began to dig through her dresser drawers. "Why aren't you at school right now, doesn't Oceanlake start at 8:30?" She remarked, throwing on a light grey, off-the-shoulder sweater and a pair of her Guess jeans.

Watching from the newly found, perched doorway, the younger girl rolled her eyes. "I told Ma I was sick," pretending to cough and cover her chest with a hand while holding a sincere pout, _"Oh Ma, I can't dare go to school today, I think I caught the bug that the Collin’s boy was passing around,"_ she fell back on the door way, the back of her hand pressed to her forehead in a dramatic fashion, closing her eyes and sighed, _"please don't make me go, I just couldn't bare it."_ Sliding down the frame with her words until she was seated on the cold, wood panels below.

"God, you're such a dork," Lexa chuckled as she stepped over the girl's legs, making her way back to the bathroom to throw her hair up into a bun for the day.

"Nerd.” The mumbled word came from the floor where the girl still lay, spread out.

As the clock in the dining area ticked past 9:05, Lexa lifted her brown, canvas satchel from the chair of her desk and threw it over her shoulder. Walking past the kitchen, her sister handed her a blueberry muffin and a banana wrapped in a plastic baggie.

"Thanks, Ave," she smiled, taking the breakfast and putting it in her bag. Looking back up she wrapped the girl into a hug and kissed her head, "Be good," she whispered, leaning back as small hands brought a pair of round, wire framed lenses to her eyes, bringing the young girl before her into focus. She pulled away with a small grin accenting her features, and began towards the door.

“No more sick days! This is the third time this month, you need to go to school." Pointing at her before wrapping her fingers around the icy doorknob, the chill from outside creeping through cracks around the door frame, making the entryway colder than the rest of the house.

"I know, I'm sorry," Avery mumbled, looking at her sock baring feet, "Love you."

Hesitating at the door, green eyes trained back on the girl and she smiled, "I love you, too". Before slipping through to the freezing air of the morning. Where a puddle awaited at her doorstep from the late-night rain, ice cold water soaked through the holes in her high tops, instantly drenching her socks. The three mile walk across town that morning was spent shivering with a light chatter of teeth. A dull roar of the ocean and faraway seagulls could be heard over the buildings around her as sodden feet made their way towards the small school of Taft High.

~

A creaking sounded through the busy bodied classroom, hushed whispers, tapping pencils, and balled up notes all stilled and quieted as the shivering girl slid her way in from behind the boisterous door. The sea of eyes fell way, directly unto the figure who tried to silently make her way back towards her seat in the last row. Her still soaked shoes did not help by squeaking along the linoleum floor the entire trip.

“It’s nice of you to join us, Ms. Woods,” the heavy-set teacher, who stood before the chalkboard, greeted her.

Nodding in his direction, she continued to her seat with expertise. Easily dodging the rowdy and immature students who always seem to try and pull the same tactics every morning. Her feet gracefully carrying over the extended legs, hips swiftly twirling around shoved books that were thrown her way, head carefully dodging the spitballs and crumpled notes, and ears that instantly blocked out the hushed whispers and insults around her.

_Hey four-eyes, where you been?_

_Guess the freak decided to come back to the fun house._

_What's her damage?_

_Where’d the noid get her shoes, the dumpster behind Monty’s?_

Professor Gustus progressed his lecture on centripetal force, or better yet, lack thereof, when Lexa finally reached her discolored seat and fell into it’s old, wooden embrace. She had reached the school half past nine, and didn't make it to the class until five minutes later. After having been shoved against the blue row of lockers near the entrance to the school. Her shoulder still ached from hitting their metal, exterior walls, and sliding to the floor where her bag had opened and splayed her notes, books, pencils, and anything else that she had found herself putting in there. The laughing juniors tracked mud over the strewn materials as they made their way past her, towards a class they most likely weren't going to attend.

She never quite understood why people held such a grudge over her, it’s not like she had caused any trouble towards them. She wants to say that it all started when she first learned that she needed glasses. The optometrists had told her parents they weren’t sure how she had made ten years without them, she was blind as a bat. After she had got them, the world was so bright and clear, she was giddy and excited like any ten-year-old would be after being given the world. But as soon as she returned to school, her classmates had a blast with them, new nicknames and jokes being made in her name. She remembers running home crying after the first day, screaming that her parents take them back, only to be sent to her room that night with no dinner and a redden cheek for being so ungrateful.

Looking back though, she knows that the glasses weren't the start of the names and teasing, they were only an addition to what already existed. She didn’t talk much, she was quiet, always liked keeping to herself, which made her weird, an outcast, a nobody. Of course, the teasing didn't help the matter any, only pushing her further back into her shell. Teaching her how to hold a mask and not let anyone through, making it more of a challenge for her classmates to break her.

The only true friend she had ever made over the years, was an intelligent girl by the name of Raven. She had the mind of a rocket scientist with the attitude to match. After meeting her in the eighth grade, Lexa forgot how cruel kids could be, until she graduated a year before her and now Lexa was alone her senior year to deal with the hellhole of stress, social status, and too little deodorant.

Right after she graduated, Raven got accepted into OCCC, way over in Newport, about a forty-minute drive on a good day. They have an amazing mechanical engineering program which allowed her to advance career wise while also being able to stay close to friends and keep her job at the theatre with Lexa. Who couldn't be more proud of her best friend, and got to hear all about the crazy shenanigans and upcoming projects every day they share shifts.

Both girls applied at the town's small theatre during their freshman and sophomore year of Taft, and were lucky enough to grab the last two open positions as the after movie cleanup crew. Since then, they’ve moved their way up, from ushers, to cashiers, to their current positions at the Snack Bar, where they serve as snack attendants for popcorn and other desired movie treats. It's the best position anyone working there could dream of, for all you had to do was ring people up for about ten minutes at a time, then you got to just sit back and relax the rest of your shift. Raven and Lexa were living the dream, at least on the weekends and few week days. The late nights were worth it when you got paid to be an over glorified junk food dispenser.

First period was her AP Physics lesson with the astound professor, Gustus Winslow, who usually went by Gus or Gustus. The school had spent a lot trying to get him here and teaching, in hopes of bringing more awareness to their small town education system. She had six other periods during the day, including the common core classes, and a few extra for language and writing. Her current class dragged on slowly, all she wanted was for it to end and for the rest of the day to float along so she could head to her after school shift. Her mind wandered out the windows on the left side of the classroom which overlooked a green, frosty field covered in empty trees, their leaves long gone after fall. Centripetal acceleration and force factors flew past her ears as the professor droned on about a subject she was most likely to forget in a year or two.

At 10:10, the bell rang through the school, echoing in classrooms and down hallways that quickly filled with students. Lexa made her way out of the class, with only a couple shoves, and made her way to writing 121, across campus and up on the second floor in Miss Tonnelly’s room. Slipping on a set of headphones, she pressed play on her Walkman and quickly made her way down the cluttered hallway, feet in time to the beats of Black Flag and David Bowie.

~

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” the brown haired latina snarked from behind the counter, where her arms rested, “you look like something Frosty the Snowman ate up and shit back out.”

“Thank you, Raven,” Lexa replied, slipping out of her jacket and into the work vest hanging on a rack beside the fountain sodas, “I try my best.”

“You need to get a car dude, I dunno how you walk here every day across town in this weather.”

“Find me a couple hundred and I'd gladly do so,” Lexa smiled, writing her time down in the shift log book.

Raven huffed from her position on the counter, stuffed with an assortment of boxed candies. Idly playing with the sleeve of her black and red striped t-shirt that hung loosely under the fancy, Polis Theatre vests their company provided. Without looking up, her tone lost the playful tone from earlier, “that Wallace boy giving you any trouble lately?”

Stiffening, Lexa attempted to casually start the prep for filling the popcorn machine. “Not recently, no.”

“What about those group of juniors?”

Lexa sighed, slowing her pace while opening the kettle to pour in the bag of kernels, “I can handle myself, Raven.”

“That didn't answer my question,” the girl at the counter replied, turning around to face Lexa while leaning her back against the edge. She looked back at the small bruise forming along the taller girl's collarbone, which she had noticed when she first walked in.

“Raven,” Lexa looked up at the girl, eyes slightly sunken and tired, “I'll be fine.”

Brows knitted, the latina turned back towards the counter and kicked the bottom, “I hate how those dicks treat you, it's not fair.”

“There's nothing you can do-”

“I know!” Taking a deep breath, she turned her face in the direction of the girl at the machine while keeping her eyes trained on the floor, “I know.”

“Can we just drop it for now? Okay?” Lexa returned the now empty kernel bag to the waste bin and grabbed the small bottle of cooking oil.

“Yeah, sure.”

~

The rush of the three o’clock showtime left both girls scrambling to clean up the mess and prep for the after-movie crowd and the 4:15 movie. Lexa stood behind the register, sorting through bills and popping more kernels for the almost empty popcorn display case. Raven was a few feet away, sweeping the dropped wrappers and spilled snacks along the carpeted walk way. Intricate patterns of vibrant red, mustard yellow, indigo, and neon pink against solid black carpet hid most of the fallen crumbs, causing whoever got caught sweeping to cover the entire floor.

After hearing the fourth groan in the last ten minutes, Lexa piped up, eyes still trained on the clutter of bills before her, “If I hear you complain one more time I'm cutting your tongue out.”

The girl across the way let out another groan, louder than the rest, just to spite the girl behind the counter.

“I did it last week _and_ the week before so shut the hell up,” green eyes shifted from the nearly sorted cash to the machine that started to overflow with small, salty clouds.

“But you're so much faster at it then me, you could get it done in half the time I do.” Raven pouted, her head resting on her hands atop the broom handle.

“That's cause you complain the whole time and make me do it, jerk”.

 _Pfft, “maybe”,_ she smirked and went back to sweeping along the carpet.

Ten minutes till the theatre doors open and a stream of dazed people, still buzzing from their after movie glow, come strolling out of the theatre, the girl was just finishing up the last of the floor. Brown hair, tied up behind her head, swayed back and forth as she moved the broom and silent butler along the floor. Her ears trained on the music coming from the overhead speakers, when the first notes of Sweet Dreams began to filter through. She gasped, pausing her movements with an ecstatic smile crossing her lips.

Lexa, filling the rest of the display case with the last batch of popcorn, looked towards the direction of the gasp and heard the song that had just started. Moving quickly, she closed the case and pointed at the bouncing, smiling girl across the room. “Raven, no!”

“Raven, _yes!_ ” the girl cheered before sauntering her hips as she strolled towards the counter, broom pulled close and raised like a mic before her mouth.

_“Sweet dreams are made of this.”_

“Raven!”

She flung her hair from its tie and let it fall around her shoulders, _“Who am I to disagree?”_

“Raven, stop, the movie just ended!” Lexa called, moving from behind the counter to grab her friend as she heard the movie reel click and the lights from the theatre lit underneath the door.

The girl with the improvised mic twirled out of her friends grasp and continued, _“I travel the world and the seven seas”._

After swaying her hips as she slowly strode backwards, her hand curled and pointed at Lexa, _“Everybody's, looking for something.”_

When the first people began to pool out of the theatre doors, Raven raced back and stood next to Lexa behind the counter. Who was trying her hardest to keep the grin off or her face, until Raven went behind her to grab a patron's refill, and whispered into her ear, _“Some of them want to use you”._

A giggle cracked through her mask as she handed a confused man his sixty-cent bottled water. She ducked down to retrieve some dropped change after Raven had whispered again in her other ear, _“Some of them want to get used by you,”_ to hide her laughter behind the safety of packaged Skittles and Hershey bars. Her chest was beginning to ache as the instigator discreetly covered for her, handling the last handful of customers while covering up the quiet laughter from below.

Tears were streaming down Lexa’s cheeks when she finally looked back up at the smirking woman before her, “I hate you,” she whispered, catching her breath, “so fucking much.”

“Aw,” Raven clutched her heart, “how sad, I was just starting to warm up to you.”

Lexa shoved her leg with a scoff, from where she sat with her back against the counter, legs splayed before her. Causing Raven to chuckle, and catch herself while grabbing for a rag to wipe down the sticky countertop.

“Come on, get your lazy ass up, the next film starts in twenty.” A groan sounded from below her before the taller girl stood back up and joined her coworker at the counter.

~

“So, you ever gonna tell me about your nightly trip to see the hot blonde, again?” Raven asked when they were closing for the night.

Lexa choked on her Sprite, “Raven!” she hushed, “you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“What?” she feigned innocence, “it’s not like I said hot chick, blonde corresponds to both men and women.”

“I know, but you still never know who could be listening.” Lexa muttered, staring into the nose of her soda bottle, watching the bubbles float to the top and disperse into the air.

“Babe, its only me in here, chillax. Nobody's here to go spreading the word that you're a lesbian. Especially me, I would never spill, you know that.”

Nodding, the brunette set down the transparent, green bottle beside her, “You and Ave’s are the only ones who know, and I’d rather not have my conservative, bible thumping parents hear word. Or the kids at school, could you imagine? Everyone already hates my guts, I’d be dead in a week if anyone ever found out.”

“Hey,” Raven stepped in front of the closed off girl, sliding her hands along the girl's upper arms comfortingly, “no one's gonna know till you want them to, okay? I’ll make sure to be more careful next time, but right now, we're alone, and I know you're just dying to tell me about her, so spill.” The hazel eyed girl gently shoving her shoulder and going to rest against the counter beside her.

Green eyes that were staring at a missed piece of popcorn on the ground slowly made their way up to meet the ones trained on her. A smile crept its way along her lips before her teeth were showing and she was glowing, “God, Raven, you should have seen her. Her hair was tied up like always but a piece had come loose and hung in front of her face all night that she never bothered to fix, and then she laughed at someone's joke and I swear, I've never heard anything more beautiful and contagious. Oh! Did you know her eyes are blue? Like a real, bright blue like the ocean but they had specks of gold that made them shine in the light, and -”

“Woah, wait,” Raven held up her hand, cutting Lexa off during her ramble about the cashier who worked at Ark’s Movies and Electronics. “How do you know what her eye color is, did you talk to her?”

Lexa blushed, looking at her feet, “Holy shit! No fucking way!” Raven cheered, bouncing off the counter she had sat upon and shaking Lexa’s shoulders. “What did she say? What did you say?”

“Well, you know how Ave loves Star Wars, and how she never got to see _The Return of the Jedi_?” Raven nodded, “Well I decided to get it for her birthday next Thursday, which ended up with me accidentally scaring the blonde when she was lost in thought and she dropped a hand full of quarters like, _e_ _verywhere_ ”, Lexa splayed her hands out before her to resemble how much, _everywhere_ , she meant.

“But she was so cool about it and just brushed it off with a joke. When I asked her if they had the movie, she went to go find it and I got lost in watching _The Outsiders_. You know, the movie based off my favorite book? I've never actually seen the movie but when she came back we talked about it and it turns out to be her favorite book, too. And she told me the movie was awesome, so now I must find some way to watch it so I can talk to her about it because she wants to know what I think. But the only place I could buy it is there and I can't buy it from her cause then she'll know what's up and it would be weird.” Lexa scrambled to finish, while a smirking Raven had to hold in her laughter from the counter she had hopped back up on.

“Raven, what do I do?!” Lexa cried quietly.

“Okay, first things first, tall stuff,” Raven looked into green eyes directly, “you need to chill out and just see where this goes. I'm sure someday you'll find a chance to see the movie and you can talk about it then but for right now, how about you just try making idle conversation about other things, get to know the girl. I'm sure there are plenty of other things she likes than just one book.”

Lexa looked away defeated and nodded, “yeah, okay.”

“Aw, lighten up,” she nudged Lexa with her boot, “there's always tomorrow.”

“Right,” Lexa’s face perked up into a small grin, her green eyes shining bright as she looked back at the girl resting comfortably on the counter.

“Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And chapter two is up! I'm not sure if I will have scheduled days for uploading but I will try and get a new chapter up every other day to every two days. Please share your feed back, I would love to hear it!


	3. Strangers

"Did you see that geek again tonight?" Called a short brunette from the couch in the center of the apartment. Her back lounged against the armrest, eyes tracing the lines of words piled into the pages of a book on her lap. From the small glance she had taken of the blonde, she could already see the loopy grin and far off gaze that had taken permanent residence on her face from earlier events of that night.

"She's not a geek, O," Clarke muttered from the entry way hall, where she had just entered. She kicked her damp boots into the nest of shoes before heading into the kitchen on the left.

"Right, well, I honestly don't know what you see in her," the girl commented, her eyes never leaving the story before her but no longer interpreting the maze of skillfully crafted words.

"Well that's ‘cause you're straight as a flag pole, numb nut," the blonde laughed from her place in front of the fridge, grabbing a coke and making her way into the living room. Shedding her jacket on an island stool before slouching down into the Lazy Boy beside the couch.

"That may be true," Octavia lifted her gaze from the book and towards the blonde across from her, "but I still got eyes, she just doesn't seem like your type."

"Type?" Blue eyes widened in confusion, "What type? I've dated a total of two men in my life, both of whom turned out to be complete and utter douchebags."

"Okay, fine, not type, but, I don't know," the girl scrunched her eyebrows together, "she just rubs me the wrong way."

"Is it because she's a girl?"

"No! No! That's not what I'm saying, I just," the girl on the couch took a breath, gathering her thoughts, "I guess it's just new for me. I totally respect and accept it but being raised to always think that homosexuals go straight to hell and then having my best friend, since the womb, come out to me a couple months ago saying she has a crush on a girl who comes into her store..." she looked up from the ripped seam her hands had been fiddling with, "It's just different for me, and I'm still trying to get use to it, I'm sorry."

"I know, O. I'm sorry, too, I shouldn't be so hard on you with this subject. You could have just up and stopped talking to me, kicked me out of your place and had nothing to do with me but you didn't. You're here, you stayed. Well..." her eyes shifted to the boxes towered against the wall on the other side of the room, "you stayed mentally and in your heart at least." She chuckled.

Octavia followed her gaze to the boxes along the wall. "Yeah," she murmured, with a sad smile.

The atmosphere of the room stilled as realization hit both of the girls again, for probably the hundredth time. "What day do you leave again?" The blonde asked.

"I deploy December third, but head down to the camp on the second." She tucked the book away in the coffee table where she rested her feet. "Did you sign all the papers for your new place yet?"

"Yeah, I did on Monday, sent them through the mail that night. I'm meeting my landlord next Saturday to discuss regulations and such." She looked up at the brunette on the couch before her, "I still can't believe it's all finally happening."

"I feel the same, wasn't it just yesterday we were freaking out over our first day of high school and worrying about which classes we had together?" her face breaking into a small grin.

"I wish that was still yesterday, I miss having only one thing to worry about," the blonde laughed, relaxing into the heavily used, grey recliner.

Ever since elementary school, Octavia had wanted to join the military and grow up just like her father and older brother. She took all the physical education classes she could and applied to almost every sport, kickboxing being her favorite, to keep in shape for recruitment when she was older. She got her bachelor's degree after high school and had recently applied for the Air Force. Who quickly scooped her up and had her listed for training by the end of the year, this current year. The year the was quickly ending and Clarke wasn't sure what she would do without her best friend by her side.

She had found a cheap, one room apartment that she could afford after they sold their joined lease on their current residence. After Octavia leaves and she moves into her new place, she's not sure what she's going to do with herself. She'll be alone, with everyone she's cared for either dead, crazy, or across the country fulfilling their lifelong dreams. Leaving her where, alone and barely surviving paycheck to paycheck? The blonde smiled at her best friend on the couch who had excitement running through the reflection in her eyes. She could pretend for another two weeks, for her friend’s sake, hide all her emotions and just be supportive until she was gone and then she could accept her new life. Clarke was terrified, and heart broken. The life she had always dreamed about had slowly started to shatter ever since she was sixteen and it never seemed to stop doing so. But she couldn't wallow in it right now, now she had to be here for Octavia, and that's exactly what she planned on doing.

A pillow broke her out of her thoughts, crashing into her face and pulling strands of hair out of its tie, she almost fell from the chair she sat before her hand reached out and grabbed the small coffee table beside her.

“What the hell, O?” She sputtered, tucking the loose strands behind her ear and righting herself back into a comfortable position.

Giggling, the girl pulled her knees to her chest and passed a smirk to her disheveled friend. “You never got around to telling me about your night with “ _the geek who is not a geek because I have a huge ass crush on her which makes me oblivious to how much of a complete and utter geek this girl is because she’s sooo beauti-_ ”,” the rambling girl had the pillow returned in such a violent manner that it toppled her off the couch.

“Shut. Up!”

The brunette was a complete mess on the floor with laughter, she pulled herself up into a sitting position with her back against the foot of the couch and pulled the pillow to her chest. “Well?”

~

**_Earlier that night_ **

A couple minutes after seven, the small bell rings and the tall girl with glasses steps into the shop. Still shivering slightly from the cold, her glass lenses fogging up from the warmth spread throughout the store.

“Running a little late I see,” the blonde chimed from her place behind the register, there being no other person in the shop that night.

“Are you timing me now, Clarke Griffin?” the brunette proclaimed with a rise of her eyebrows as she slowly made her way farther into the store.

“Me?” she retorted, throwing her thumb towards her chest, “never.” she teased with a shake of her head.

“Hmm, too bad,” the taller woman approached the counter and looked around, hands stuffed in the pockets of her dark brown, leather jacket; it's collar lined in warm wool. “Slow today? I don’t think I've ever seen it this empty.”

“Yeah, the traffic kinda dies down before Thanksgiving and picks back up for Christmas shopping in December, I’ve only really had a handful of people come in today.” the blonde answered.

Nodding her head, the brunette continued looking around the store, not quite sure what to do with herself or how to reply. Her foot began idly moving and scuffing the floor.

“Oh! Before I forget, something new actually came in yesterday and I wanted to wait and pull it out until you got here.” The older woman bubbled, her blue eyes were bright with excitement.

The brunette tilted her head confused, “why me?”

Her brows had furrowed behind her round frames, a curious expression that made her seem like a lost puppy and the blonde couldn't help but squeal on the inside. This girl was killing her. “It's a new game for the Nintendo, and since you happen to be one of the only people who actually plays it, I figured you should have the honors of first go.”

“Oh,” she murmured gently, the tips of her ears tinting red, which could be seen from her hair that was pulled back and braided. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” the blue eyed girl beamed, before heading into the room behind her and returning with a cartridge. She slid it across the counter towards the girl in front of her.

Nimble fingers picked up the small game and read, “Donkey Kong”.

The blonde nodded, “it was actually released with the console but we just recently got the funds to purchase it. I could show you how to set it up and play it if you want.”

“I’d like that,” the brunette confessed quietly.

Both women headed towards the television set up in the far corner, the blonde kneeling before the system and the brunette taking residence in the bean bag before it.

“You have to make sure that the console is off before switching games, right now we only have these two but in the future I hope to get more and I don't need this system breaking on us before that,” the blue eyed girl confided, glancing back.

“I promise not to break it,” the girl replied, casually crossing her arms over her chest and watching the blonde.

Once it was all set up, Clarke went to go sit on the floor beside the girl in the bean bag while the machine loaded up on screen. Her fingers messing with random buttons on the controller while they both stared as blue letters spelled Donkey Kong on the screen before them. Clarke pressed the 1 player option and watched as the game began.

“The point of the game is to be able and get to the gorilla on the top who’s stolen your _lady_ ,” the blonde waggled her eyebrows at the brunette who chuckled and looked back at the screen. “You have to jump or smash the barrels while picking up her accessories for extra points.”

Clarke showed the controls to the girl beside her as she played, pointing out the correct buttons and strategies while she made her way to the to the top platform. Once the level was completed, Clarke handed the controller over, “okay, now you give it a go.”

She took the controller from the blonde's hands and adjusted her glasses which had fallen to the tip of her nose. She clicked the 1 player option like Clarke had and began playing, dying from the first barrel that had approached her.

“You made this seem way easier than it actually is,” the brunette grumbled, a small pout forming her lips as she tried again.

“It just takes practice,” Clarke hummed, having to force her eyes away from the adorable expression across the girl's face and back to the screen.

It took a couple more tries before the girl began to understand how to time the jumps correctly. When she had advanced a couple levels ahead, Clarke sat up and pointed at the screen, “you see that umbrella on the beam to the left?”

The girl hummed confirmation, keeping her eyes glued to the display of colors before her.

“Make sure you grab that, it'll give you an extra thousand points.”

“Why would I need more points?” the girl asked, her brows furrowed as she glanced down at the blonde beside her.

“Well, while the point of the game is technically to save the girl,” Clarke held onto her calves that were crossed in front of her, rocking back and forth as she answered, “it's almost impossible to get that far, so you only _really_ need to get the highest score you can.”

“Oh, okay.” The girl continued her playthrough until she wasn't fast enough and had a flaming barrel fall on her head. “Damn it,” she blew a piece of hair out of her face and slouched back in the bean bag.

“Hey, that was good!” Clarke congratulated, resting her hand against the girl's forearm. The girl’s breath caught in her throat and Clarke quickly took her hand back, putting it back in her lap before clearing her throat.

“So, since you know the ropes, I should head back to my job, I'm sure the customers are just dying for my return,” she smirked.

“If you're so eager to get back don't let me hold you,” effused the brunette, “but I believe there's a two player option if you are up to it.” She looked back at the controller in her hands and fiddled with the small buttons to keep her mind busy.

“When you put it that way, I'm sure the people can wait a little longer,” the blonde laughed, referring to the dismal and dreary state of the empty store behind them. “I'd love to play with you.”

“Great!” The girl enthused, “oh, and before I forget, I'm Lexa,” she stuck out her hand.

“Clarke, although you already know that,” the blue eyed girl smiled and wrapped her fingers around Lexa’s hand, goosebumps spread from her wrist at the warmth flowing from the hand encased in hers. Lexa’s cheeks filled with red as she quickly turned towards the screen.

“Get ready to be demolished,” green eyes followed the highlighted sentences until she had chosen the two player option.

“I’m trembling,” Clarke chided, sitting more comfortably in wait for her turn.

The night continued forth with small bantering and jokes, conversation flowed easily between them as they both advanced farther into the game. Clarke doesn't think she ever felt so comfortable so quickly with someone else before, but that might just be because she had gotten used to Lexa hanging out in the store. For someone so quiet, Clarke was amazed by how hilarious the girl could be and found herself doubling over in laughter countless times that night. From either a snide remark done about her gameplay or in the small stories she was sharing with Clarke about her life.

As the sky outside grew darker, Clarke found herself leaning against the bean bag that held Lexa. Not a single person had walked in since they started playing and she doubted one would since it was past eight. Her elbow pressed into the bag as her shoulder rested against Lexa's side, barely noticeable except for the increased warmth between the two in the chilly store, but neither mentioned it. Her legs were tucked beneath her as she watched Lexa get trampled by yet another barrel, she could feel Lexa’s slouch increase as her focus shifted from the game.

The clock on the far wall had just ticked past nine when Clarke heard the brunette grumble incoherently. Turning towards her, she saw Lexa’s green eyes baring to the watch on her wrist, exposed with the help of her other hand pushing her sleeve up slightly. “I should really be going, I have class at 9:10 tomorrow.”

“Ooh, killer.” The blonde grimaced, “I don’t think I know anyone who takes the morning classes around here, you must have some major dedication.”

“Morning classes? What- Oh, no, I’m not in college, I’m still a senior down at Taft.” The girl's confusion eased into a chuckle at the blonde's mistake.

“You’re still in high school? Coulda fooled me,” she laughed, “Must be the glasses, they always seem to add a couple years.” Clarke found her hand raising to the side of the girl's face and gently touching the edge of the girl’s eyewear.

Green eyes bore into blue with her mouth slightly agape, “Must be”.

Clarke's gaze shifted from her fingers on the wire frames back to the girl before her. Quickly retracting her hand and looking down to the floor where she began to push herself up. She could feel the red tinge spread from her ears to her cheeks and turned towards the counter, keeping herself hidden until fully behind it.

The girl in the bean bag stayed frozen, locked in place as she watched the blonde cut across the store and back to her original post. Her mouth still open slightly and lowered glasses that had fallen from the blonde's touch. She swiftly replaced the frames to a more comfortable position and stood from the bag, placing the controller on top of its console before heading over to stand ahead the blue eyed girl.

“Thank you. For the game, the company, all of it.”

“It was my pleasure, Lexa, and I would be glad to do it again sometime, although I can’t promise that the store would agree.” Clarke observed with a small smile.

Lexa nodded before retreating towards the door, “Goodnight, Clarke Griffin.”

Shivers spread down Clarke’s back as she watched the taller girl’s lips form her name, just like the last time. “See you around, stranger.”

~

“ _Stranger_? Really?” Octavia burst out from the floor.

“What? I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to just say, “ _goodnight to you too”_ , that sounds so lame.” Clarke grumbled from the recliner, her arms crossing over her chest.

“So you thought that, “ _see you around, stranger”_ , was just _soo_ much better?” the girl continued laughing, clutching the pillow to her chest.

Clarke huffed in the chair, clearly not amused. Her night had been great, really great actually, she can't remember the last time someone had her laughing so hard she couldn't breathe, someone she actually enjoyed holding a conversation with. She could only pray for more slow days where she could just hang out with Lexa in the store.

“Did you happen to get her number?” the brunette asked after her laughter had finally died down.

“No, I didn’t, “ _happen to get her number”_ , O. I barely got her name tonight.” she retorted, grabbing her now room temperature coke from the table beside her. It’s taste going flat in her mouth and leaving a static like residue, making her teeth stick and grind in an annoying manner.

“Ah yes, Lola, was it?”

“Lexa.”

“Right.”

Octavia rose from the floor, setting the pillow back in its rightful place on the couch, “pretty cool name, unique. Don’t think I’ve ever heard it before, maybe it’s short for something.”

“That’s what I thought, too.” Clarke replied, grinning at her soda.

The brunette scoffed from across the room, her friend was so struck by this girl it was gross, kinda cute, but gross. She turned off the lights in the kitchen and entryway, leaving the only source of light in the place coming from the lamp behind Clarke’s chair.

“I’m gonna call it a night, see ya around, _stranger_ ,” she called while walking down the hall. Which was followed by a loud groan, echoing down the small corridor from the figure still sitting in the chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late then never right? So it turns out that trying to write while I'm at work does not work so well lmao, these first few chapter I've already planned out but after that I believe I'm going to have them become longer and more of a weekly thing. Please share your thoughts! I love to hear them :)


	4. Blue Streaks and Movie Geeks

Lexa can't stop smiling the rest of the week.

She sits through her classes quietly, eyes following the hands of her teachers as the chalk slides against the board but her mind is buzzing with blue eyes and hearty laughter of a blonde cashier. She's never heard anything so beautiful and contagious and _full_. The tapping of her pencil sends small vibrations through her hand and up her wrist but yet the tips of her fingers still buzz from the ghost sensation of Clarke's calloused fingers grazing hers every time they would pass the controller between them.

She couldn't feel the stares of classmates or remember the answers she had given teachers when called on. Even when Cage Wallace had shoved her against the wall behind the cafeteria and flung her glasses into the football field, her thoughts were clouded and reactions mirrored the same. Sending her home with a bloody lip and a small grin.

She couldn't help but trace her tongue over her lips and cringe at the soft iron taste, wondering what it would be like to press them against a certain blonde’s.

~

Raven had squealed and pushed her shoulder several times after she recited the events that had unfolded on a Thursday night in the middle of a frozen November. Telling her to “get some” and making their shift together excruciatingly painful with jokes and constant teasing thrown her way. Although Raven was only making fun, she knew that the girl meant well, for this was the first time something like this had ever happened to the closed off girl. Allowing the older one to get revenge for all the times Lexa had pestered her over one night flings and the relationships that didn't last over a week.

Avery only giggled, while Lexa prepared her dinner Saturday night. Her hand grasping the long spoon as she stirred the pasta that would soon become their late night meal.

“Lexie's gotta girlfriend, Lexie's gotta girlfriend,” the little girl sing songed as she kicked her feet back and forth from the perch of the counter she sat upon. Watching Lexa, after she had pestered her about why she was in such a good mood.

“You know that's not how it works, Ave,” Lexa huffed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face before lifting her hand and tucking it back behind her ear. Her sister could be the sweetest and most embarrassing creature in existence, but she loved her nonetheless.

The girl hummed from the counter, glancing from the boiling pasta and back to her older sister, who still wouldn't meet her eyes and had a flush of red from her nose to the bottom of her cheeks. “I'm just teasing you know,” the girl whispered, “I really am happy for you, and I hope that whatever it is works out.”

For a twelve year old, Lexa’s sister was more wise and mature than half the students who attended her high school. Her green eyes met the caramel ones and she smiled, her teeth peeking out and small dimples forming in the slight creases of her cheeks. It was an understanding that passed between the siblings, an unvoiced appreciation of the other, one they shared on several occasions. It helped ground them both, make them feel at home, filled their uneasiness and calmed their wild thoughts. At times, it was like they were connected in more ways than just siblings, Lexa having to basically raise the girl who sat before her, most likely played a part in that.

Looking back at the pot on the burner, she turned the nozzle to calm the rapid licking flames to a gentler murmur. They barely grazed the pot to warm it as she set to work on the sauce beside it.

“Hop down and set the table,” Lexa rushed, swatting the small girl from her seat.

“Aye aye, captain,” the small girl sloppily saluted with two fingers risen to her head. Her feet making a quiet contact with the tiled floor before she was off to find the dish wear. Lexa chuckled into the saucepan, warm hands mixing spices as she listens to the too high cords of the singing girl, working diligently behind her.

~

When Lexa opened the door to the small store on eighth, her hands were shaking. She hopes it only seemed like the cold, but her heart was racing and her throat was dry. She was stressed, worried, anxious, so many things that her mind was a mess and her outlet was the slight tremble of her fingers. The warmth that flooded through the store was welcoming after being out in the frigid air for the past half an hour. Pulling the woolen collar of her leather jacket closer to her chin, she shoved her hands into the pockets and fell back against the door with a sigh, fully shutting it and hearing its lock click into place.

The store was much busier than the previous Thursday, a family stood before a TV set, analyzing its abilities and price. A group of teenage boys gathered in front of the rows of shelving that held an assortment of movie titles. There were other various people here and there though the store, one of whom was in a deep conversation with Clarke, about REALISTIC CB walkie talkies, which were stored in a display case across the store. At the ding of the bell above the door, the blonde's head turned and looked right at slouched girl. She smiled wide and lifted her hand in a small wave before returning her attention to the person holding the sixty dollar device.

She felt a rush of electricity pass from her toes to the ends of her fingers from the small gesture. Her back was still against the hard wood of the red door when she realized someone else was trying to make their way in. She scrambled away quickly, towards the part of the store that she knew best, not before sneaking another glance at the blonde. Her eyes roamed from her worn snow boots and along the bootlegged jeans that formed over Clarke's curves perfectly. Her black t-shirt hugged her waist with only a few creases, and a small, white name tag hung pinned to her chest. Where Lexa’s eyes lingered a little longer before continuing their journey to her eyes.

Her eyes.

Her eyes which were a bright blue, like the ocean but deeper and lighter, that held small rays of the sun. Her eyes which were looking right back at her from across the store, before swiftly turning back to face the customer again.

She could feel the red tinge that spread from her nose and immediately turned to sit in the bean bag. Trying to catch her breath, which she seemed to have forgotten to gather while rushing across the store.

Clarke was looking at _her_. She could still see the look of shock that gleamed across the blue eyes before turning and the red that had claimed the blonde's ears. Which stuck out from having her hair tied back.

Lexa watched as her hands found purchase on the console before her, muscle memory guiding her actions as she inserted the new game and started up the TV set along with the Nintendo itself. She didn't dare look back at the girl working behind, due to fear or the dear force of anticipation, she didn't know. But her thoughts assembled and then were soon forgotten as she lost herself in the game once more. She left the thoughts of twirling hips and soft lips behind for the strategy of bringing herself closer to the damsel at the top of the tower.

Lexa’s not sure how much time has passed, or how many levels she's gone through, when her eyes, that were following the small red man, suddenly are overcome by streaks of blue across the screen. Her little man frozen in place, mid jump over a fiery barrel, as blue lines, varying in size, cut across the array of pixels. It takes her a second to process what happened, and no amount of button smashing changes the scene that's unfolded on the screen before her.

Her heart begins to race as she panics, she promised Clarke she wouldn't break the system but yet she's looking at something that she's pretty sure does not scream the words “okay”. Short breaths are soon leaving her mouth, her hands numb and blood on fire, she's not sure what she's going to do until a warm hand covers her shoulder from behind. A slight pressure is added and the hand slides a little farther forward as the person attached leans over her shoulder to peer at the screen. She can smell the vanilla in the girl's shampoo as her blonde hair falls forward and tickles Lexa’s cheek.

A soft hum of consideration fills the air next to her ear and her tense body relaxes under the blonde's touch. Her fear of Clarke's anger is riddled away as the blonde seems to be radiating a calmer atmosphere. Almost like she could see the worry crossing the brunette’s brow. Lexa’s fears easily slip away as she peers over her glasses to the girl next to her.

Her shoulders are trembling slightly when she whispers, as to not scare the blonde beside her, “I didn't break it, I swear.”

Light laughter fills the air as she feels the hand that’s gently placed on her shoulder, squeeze, before lifting away. “I don't doubt it, this happened to the one we had a couple months ago, I think it's just due to overheating.” Blue eyes are trained on the system for which she moved closer to, lifting it up to look at the back which was almost scalding hot compared to the rest.

“Oh,” Lexa lets out the breath she didn't realize she was holding, relief running through her blood, calming the senses from her heart and slowly trickling through the rest of her body until she's completely relaxed again.

She can tell Clarke notices her change of attitude when her eyes shift from the machine in her hands and back to her own green orbs. Shooting a small smile with a quirk of a brow, Clarke gently shoves Lexa's shoulder as she walks past her, “You worry too much.”

Half way across the store, Clarke stops and turns back to the girl sitting in the bean bag, staring after her. “Coming?” She indicates to the storage room with her thumb.

Nodding quickly, Lexa scrambles up to catch up with her, barely catching herself before she trips and follows the heels of the blonde into the back room. Her hand goes to adjust her glasses before traveling back into the pocket of her jacket, unsure of what else to do with them as Clarke leads her through the room. She roams over the tall shelves and cluttered counters, there was no way someone could keep track of everything in the mess back here. And yet Clarke seemed to know exactly where she was going, towards the end of a shelf piled high with different labeled boxes.

“We keep all our extra systems back here, I just borrow one of ‘em to put out there. It's better than letting it sit in here and gather dust, right?” Her hands dig through one of the boxes, switching to another one once she deems she hit the bottom with no success. Her hand pulls out the case of what looks like a movie, for its slightly hidden from Lexa's vision.

With a small click of a tongue, Clarke shoves the box aside, mentioning how she meant to put those out front before continuing her search. When she reaches the last box, a concerned expression crosses her face, drawing her eyebrows closer together and her bottom lip under her top teeth. Lexa mindlessly wets her own chapped lips while watching, never having that small of an action create such a stir inside her. While the blonde pushes the box back onto the shelf which held it and turns toward the brunette.

“Looks like the shipments were late again, I’m sorry.” the blonde looks down, her hands fiddling while clasped together in front of her.

Lexa’s eyes follow the fidgety hands, watching as the fingers grasp one another in some odd pattern, unknown to anyone but the beholder. “It’s fine.”

Clarke clears her throat, looking back up and untangling her hands from one another to clasp them behind her back, “We should be getting more on Wednesday, that’s when all of our deliveries come in, so another one will be hooked up and ready to go next time you come around.”

The brunette nodded, watching the girl in front of her before looking around, not sure what to do anymore for she wasn’t due to leave for another hour or more. She spots the box that the blonde had pushed aside earlier and sparks an idea, “would you like any help around the place?” she asks quickly, trying to gather the running emotions that are scrambled in her head, trying to break free.

“I could help you with those movies from earlier,” she continued, eyeing the blonde again who was working that damn lip between her teeth again. Blue eyes had trained on the bent, cardboard box, piled high with tapes in the far off corner.

“You don’t have to do that, I’m sure you have much better things to do than help me at work,” Clarke smiled softly, lips curling up in almost a grimace.

“Believe me,” Lexa chuckled, scuffing her shoe against the matted carpet beneath her, “I don’t.”

~

“The Shining,” Lexa held up the movie to face Clarke so that she could see the cover of the box. They had been restocking movies for about half an hour and Clarke had yet to fail one movie by giving its basic description. Lexa was captivated.

“A family becomes the caretaker of a hotel, son gets some weird paranormal powers, dad has a mental breakdown and tries to kill everyone, where low and behold, the child who can see ghosts ends up saving everyone. Not that bad in my opinion, it's got some pretty cheesy scenes but all in all, I'd say about seven outta ten. _And_ did you know that they filmed it up at the timberline lodge?” Clarke shifts her handful of movies to one arm so she can point out the windows in no determined direction but to symbolize “up”.

“Oh really?” Lexa questioned, her lips curved into a small grin as she scanned the titles before her, looking for the films correct residence.

Clarke hummed a confirmation, “who woulda known that some shitty hotel in Oregon, about three hours away from us, filmed one of the most favored horror films of the 80’s.”

“The _80’s_ ,” Lexa mimicked, “aren’t over yet.”

“True, but it's been one of our top sellers for the past three years now. Even if a better one comes along, it's most likely gonna be in the top five.” Her free hand rose slightly above her head to resemble a higher level. While looking strictly at Lexa.

“If you say so.” the brunette quipped.

“What, you didn’t like it?” Clarke frowned, looking back over to the girl next to her.

“Never seen it.”

She sputtered, mouth agape has her brows furrowed in mock anger, “then why are you arguing with me?”

Lexa shrugged, a smirk playing on her lips. Her hand reached into the cardboard box at her feet and pulled another tape out, “Poltergeist.”

Grumbling, Clarke answered, “white washed family moves into a new house, weird things start to move around and they think, _“hey maybe it's friendly”_ ,” causing Lexa to giggle quietly while she listens. “Until a week later they're down one child while everyone else is fighting for their lives amongst these, _oh so friendly,_ ghosts.”

“Thrilling.”

“Meh,” Clarke shrugs, her focus back on the shelving in front of them, “just like every other ghost story gone wrong.” She stops, a serious expression casting over her face, darkening her bright, blue eyes, and points at Lexa, “never trust a ghost.”

Lexa uses her free hand to form an X over her chest, “cross my heart.”

“And hope to die?” Clarke questions, raising an eyebrow.

She held a hand to her chin as if in thought, “We’ll see,” Lexa smirked. She liked seeing Clarke this way, open and joking, she never saw her do this with any of her other customers. Clarke made her feel like maybe she was worth something, worth paying attention to, worth having her jokes laughed at. Lexa was abounding with delight, and her face was hurting from trying to hide it the entire evening.

“Cannibal holocaust.”

“Oh, god no.” she spurt out quickly, never looking to the side to meet Lexa’s curious gaze.

She waited for the blonde to continue, or add on, but she stayed quiet while placing tapes into the correct slots. “What,” her eyes moved side to side, trying to puzzle together the given answer, “that's it?”

“Yup, next movie.”

“But-”

“Next movie.”

Lexa pouted, mumbling what she thought was incoherent words, “don't gotta be so pushy, jeez-”

Clarke stood from where she had crouched down to place one of the tapes, “Hey, if you wanna see people eat each other and women be raped in a movie that's so realistic they jailed the directors, then be my guest.” Clarke held up her hands in surrender.

Lexa wore a disgusted face and nodded, looking back at the stack of movies in her hands, “enough said.”

Clarke chuckled, “sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth.”

“No no, honesty is good,” her face still held its grimace and she looked down into the box, “great even, love honesty, best thing ever.” Her words started getting quieter as she continued.

Clarke laughed at the girls rambling until she waved at the stack in the girl's hand, “okay, next one.”

Thankful for the change, she bent down and picked up a case, reading aloud, “Friday the 13th,” and flashing the cover in Clarke's direction.

“Some dumb ass counsellors reopen a camp where people kept dying and _SURPRISE_ ,” she opened her hands wide as if in an explosion, “they died.”

“Why are all people in horror films so dumb.” She questioned, sliding it onto the shelf.

“How else are people supposed to die, if everyone was smart we wouldn't have psychopaths or serial killers, or corrupt presidents, dictators, warlords. The world would actually be at peace because everyone would accept each other.” Clarke’s eyes widen and flicked towards the girl who’s a little way down the shelving. “Sorry, I didn't mean to start rambling and get all political on you.”

Lexa chuckled, “it's quite alright, you're correct though, if everyone was smart then everything would be so much better. No racism, sexism, homophobia, religious discrimination…” She ended the sentence as if it was to continue.

The blonde nodded along with her while slowly emptying her stack of movies.

“When did this become so deep?” Lexa laughed quietly, and Clarke smiled at her.

“Weren't we discussing horror movies?”

“Yeah, let's get back to that.” She reaches into the box and her fingers grazed over the hard paper sleeve of the last film in the box.

“Last one,” she flipped it towards Clarke after seeing the title, “Christine.”

“Car that eats people.” The blonde stated matter of factly, walking down to the opposite end of the shelf to place her remaining movies.

Lexa waited a beat, “That's it?”

“That's it.”

“Well, okay then.” Her grin growing as she put the movie away and lifted the cardboard box to dispose of it. Clarke knew almost every single movie she had pulled out of the box, and without hesitation, gave her a summary and her opinion. She adored the frown that would cross the blonde's features when she had to rack her brain for which movie it was. Or the way she worked her mouth side to side, coming up with the best description. Or when she didn't even have to think about it before the movie slipped from her lips, and Lexa could see how proud she was of herself by the gleam that shone over her blues iris’s.

“What are you smiling about?” A soft voice spoke from behind her. Turning her head, she met the blonde's eyes, “Oh, nothing in particular.” A small smirk breaking her concealed expression as she whipped her head back around to watch where she was walking.

“What?” The blonde inquired, curious now.

“Just that you're a total movie geek,” Lexa laughed, making her way through the storage room.

“What?!” Clarke gasped, grasping Lexa's elbow to twirl her around before pointing a finger to her nose, “I, am _not_ a movie geek.”

Her elbow tingled from where Clarke’s fingers still gently grasped. “Fine, movie _enthusiast_.” Green eyes shifting from the index finger only a couple inches from her face and into blue.

“I don't like all movies,” the girl huffed, lowering her hand and slowly retracting her other from Lexa’s arm, “just scary ones.”

“So, horror enthusiast?” Lexa quirked her eyebrow at the shorter girl.

Crossing her arms, Clarke laughed, "Sure.”

She helped Clarke throughout the evening, and was shown the products they keep stocked and where the different genres of movies are stored and placed out in the main room. While Clarke dealt with customers, Lexa kept restocking what was sold or had become low. Small smiles were exchanged each time they passed each other, and Clarke didn't let down on thanking her for what she was doing every time they had a chance to talk.

When her watch clicked past eight, she carried a handful of Kodak camera boxes out from the back and set to work putting them in the display case. She watched as Clarke crossed the store and flipped the opening sign to closed. She felt at a loss for why she had done that, she didn't actually know when they closed but she had always stayed till nine, so why had Clarke flipped the sign an hour earlier.

Lexa stood from behind the display case after closing it and rested her arms atop it. Fingers tracing the cool glass, “closing early?”

Clarke looked up at her quickly, opening her mouth as if to ask what she had said before closing it and actually processing her words. Lexa saw realization glimmer through her eyes and then an almost guilt stricken look cross the blondes face.

“We close at eight, actually.”

Lexa looked down to her hand and smoothed it down on the glass, focusing on each finger as it splayed out, she didn't know what to say and honestly, she was more confused than anything. “But,” her gaze shifted from her hand, “I always stayed till nine.”

It was spoken almost as a whisper, not really a question, but a statement more to herself, unsure if she wanted the blonde to hear her words. But from the way that Clarke looked at her, she could tell that she heard the words loud and clear. They were answered with a shrug, as she walked away into the back room.

She looked back down at her hand again and smiled, her heart warm at the realization of what that meant. Clarke stayed here for _her_.

~

A little past nine Lexa made to slip on her leather jacket which she had hung in the back, as seeing Clarke was doing the same. Along with flipping off the lights and shutting down the heaters.

When they met at the door, Lexa watched as Clarke struggled with wrapping her scarf around her neck. She waved her hands away and grabbed both ends of the cloth, tying them correctly around her neck, drawing it up to rest against her chin. Clarke watched green eyes as Lexa never strayed them away from her busy fingers. She could feel Clarke's breath ghost against her cheeks and used all the will power she had to not pull the warm girl closer.

“Do you live close?” The words snapped Lexa out of her haze, she could instantly feel the heat bubbling at the tip of her nose so she adjusted her glasses and turned as if to look outside.

“I'm not far, you?”

“I live on the other side of town, usually I would drive but my truck broke down a couple weeks ago,” Clarke replied, retying the hair back behind her head.

“Up in Nelscott?”

When Clarke nodded, she smiled, “me too.”

They walked side by side down the street light lit sidewalk, passing cars extended their vision for a few seconds before continuing on. While it was cold during the day, at night, it was freezing. If not for her warm jacket where she could store her hands, Lexa's pretty sure she would die of hypothermia. Their breaths were heavy and clouded in front of their faces before whisping away into the dark sky.

“Thank you for all that you did today,” the blonde girl acknowledged again, voice partly muffled due to the scarf she has pulled up to her nose.

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed, smiling with a shake of her head.

“I know that I keep saying it but really, you didn't have to.”

“How else was I gonna spend my night. At home reading? I do that every day, it's nice to get a break once in a while.”

The girl beside her nodded, “so is that all you do with your free time?”

“Among other things, yes.” She replied, watching their steps which had become in sync along the walk.

“Like?”

She blew a gust of air through her nose to take a second and think how she wanted to word it. “I go to Taft, as you know,” chancing a glance at Clarke, who nodded, flicking her blue eyes towards hers before locking back onto the wet pavement. “And I study at the library any chance I get, also I work at the Polis Theatre, with my friend Raven.”

“The one down by Monty’s?”

“That'd be the one.”

Clarke hummed, before halting in the center of the shambled concrete beneath their feet. A small glare squinting her cerulean eyes that traveled up to meet Lexa's.

“Wait, hold up, you work at a theatre and then spend your nights at a movie store, and dare call _me_ a movie geek?” She gasped, and had, what Lexa could only imagine, an opened mouth expression hidden beneath the crisscrossed scarf.

She shrugs her shoulders, and begins walking forwards again in hopes the blonde will follow. Who only grumbles behind her and picks up her pace again.

Lexa's cheeks hurt from the sheer number of smiles that laced her face that night.

She doesn't even bother to tell Clarke that she lives on the opposite side of town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was planning on adding more to this chapter, but I really like the way it ended AND this chapter already exceeded the other chapters word wise AND its been a few days since the last update so, here you are :) The stuff I planned on adding will be in the next chapter and will allow me to expand on those ideas a little more which is good so really this all worked out for the better, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and please please PLEASE share your thoughts, even if I don't get to reply to you I still see them all and love them all. Thank you for reading!


	5. Blue Streaks and Movie Geeks Part II

That Thursday, Lexa was disappointed that she would have to miss her visit to the Ark, she had gotten used to heading over to the shop after work every Tuesday and Thursday, that it felt weird to be walking home. That soon dissipated though, when she pulled the door to her house open and was instantly met with a small body slamming into hers, consequently tumbling both to the floor.

“Lexie!” The little girl had screamed while running and crushing her older sister. She straddled Lexa's stomach from where they lay in the doorway and smiled down at her. The girls grin couldn't have been wider for it would grow right off her face.

“Happy birthday, little one.” Lexa grinned from the floor, slightly out of breath from having the wind knocked out of her.

“Uh, no,” the girl leaned forward and placed both of her hands over Lexa's mouth, muffling her sounds, “I am a woman now, no longer a child, for I have reached,” she sucked in a breath for anticipation, “the teens!” She stretched one of the hands from Lexa's mouth and pumped it into the air.

Giggling, Lexa licked the other hand that still covered her mouth, causing the girl before her to squeal and pull away. Faking gag noises as she crawled off her and fiercely wiped her hand on her sister jeans.

“You. Are so. Gross!”

“Oh, am I now?” She stuck her tongue out at the girl while pushing herself up from the floor and quickly reaching for her.

“No! Stop, get that thing away from me!” The little girl ran around the corner and into the kitchen. Grabbing a wooden spoon from the rack and pointing it at Lexa who halted in the open entryway of the kitchen. Mentally chiding herself not to laugh at the scene before her.

“Not, one, step, closer,” the small girl whispered threateningly.

“You dare threaten me with a spoon?!” Lexa gasped, taking a step while her hand slid behind her towards the hook where spatulas hung. “What a grave mistake,” she ground out while whipping one the said utensils from her back. Two could play at his game.

“I challenge thee to a duel!” The girl screamed from across the small room and dove towards her sister. Where spoon and spatula clang together in an epic battle of woes, until Lexa's spatula eventually won out and flung the smaller girl's spoon into the air. Faster than she could think, Lexa eyed the flying utensil and snuck her hand out to catch it midair. Her eyes trained and smirk forming in place, as she glared mischievously towards the girl who stood, shocked, before her.

“You-” her little sister sputtered, taking a step back, “what, how,” her eyes fighting back and forth between looking at her empty grasp towards her dual wielding sister.

“That, was so, cool!” She screamed, breaking character as a look of awe crossed her face and she didn't know whether to laugh or gasp or congratulate her sister on defeating her.

They both decided on the former, breaking out into cries of laughter as the utensils clattered to the floor and they clutched their stomachs. Tears streaming down their faces as Lexa muttered something about how Avery should have seen the look on her face.

Her chest hurt when they both finally calmed down, watching as Avery wiped the tears from her face with a nearby hand towel. “Defeated me on my own birthday, I don't think I can ever look at you the same, again.”

Clicking her tongue Lexa walked towards the dining room table, visible over the island in the kitchen, to set her bag down, “too bad, looks like I'll have to keep your present, _and_ the amazing day I had all planned out, to myself then.” She hummed, frowning as she slipped the strap from her satchel over the back of a chair.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.”

“ _Lexie_!” The girl drawled out her name and pouted from where she stood in the kitchen.

“ _Avery_ ,” she mimicked her sister. Keeping up the act for as long as she could before she gave in to the puppy eyes that she knew was coming her way soon.

The girl crossed her arms and slumped against the white refrigerator behind her, small magnets and pictures cluttering to the floor. She looked towards her sister with her bottom lip jutted out. “Please.”

Ah, there it was.

Lexa groaned, her resolve didn't last a second, “fine, get your shoes and coat on.”

Caramel eyes gleamed and a smile spread over the face of the young girl as she dashed off to do as told.

~

Lexa had been saving her money for months to be able and take Avery somewhere nice. So, when they strolled up to the Roller World that had been installed into town only a year ago, Avery screamed, jumping up and down as she tugged on her sister's arm to pull them closer. Her heart couldn't have been more ecstatic.

When they strolled up to the doors, they found Raven leaning against the wall waiting for them. An arm crossed over her chest as she blew out a white cloud of smoke from the butt she held between her fingers. A piercing glare from green eyes had her smashing it on the wall against her back quickly, as the two stopped to stand in front of her.

“Rae, you're here too!?” The girl exclaimed with excitement, closing the distance with the woman as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

Raven laughed and pulled the shorts girls shoulders into the hug, “I wouldn't miss this for the world, squirt.”

“She's a _woman_ now, Raven,” Lexa mocked from next to them. Still not believing her own ears as she spoke the words. When did her little sister, who barely weighed five pounds when born and felt light as a feather when placed into her tiny, six year old arms, become such an amazing and mature girl. She would say woman if not for the fact that she was still barely out of her childhood years.

The brunette gasped and clutched her chest, “pardon the mistake, my lady.”

Pulling away the girl nodded, “you have been excused,” the girl looked as if she was done before turning back, pointing at Raven with a glare, “but only this once.”

The brunette held a hand to her heart and bowed slightly, “of course, thank you for thy generosity, it shall not happen again.”

Avery giggled before she remembered where they were and the jitters from before returned. She couldn't stand still as she dragged both women through the purple painted doors of the roller rink, ready to experience the wonders of skating. Something her friends always seemed to brag about.

It was darker inside than the daylight of the clear blue sky from which they came, eyes having to adjust to the dim lights and neon color strips running along the walls. Music could be heard coming from the overhead speakers, almost shaking the patterned carpet beneath their feet. Children ran to and froe, with parents that were who knows where. A teller stood behind a counter off to their left, face bearing an unkempt beard and expression that looks as if he was still overcoming the effects of a hangover. Shelves lined with skates of all sizes and colors stood behind him, some obviously more worn down than others. One glance and Lexa could tell that this was going to be one of her best, and then again worst, memories to look back on. She had never so much as ridden a skateboard, let alone tiny ones that strapped to your feet. She had always enjoyed riding her bicycle, until she’d outgrown it and handed it down to Avery, never finding herself being able to get a new one.

Looking to their right, she saw walls of small lockers and seating, to try on skates and store your shoes or other belongings you didn't want crushed while trying to move around the rink, jammed with people. Jackets were strewn across the couches and seating area, too big to fit in the lockers, and were given the luck of the doubt that they hopefully wouldn't be stolen.

Before them, straight ahead, was the white track that held those who dared to test the waters of skating. Couples whipped by, hand in hand, children screamed and scooted along, beginners had white knuckles as they held onto the railing that surrounded the perimeter. On the other side of the entirety of the building, beyond the rink, were tables and booths, to hold those that had gotten snacks and treats from the snack bar against the far corner. It's display cases lined with any treat a child could desire, while rotisseries sat atop them, hanging salted pretzels, hot dogs, and various fried foods. The place was famous for its slurpee machine, which stood in all its glory behind the counter, spinning its blue and red contents to keep cool for the next buyer who desired one.

The excitement and joy of the atmosphere soaked into the three girls at the door, causing their hearts to race and tighten as they looked from one another before heading to the teller. He looked bored out of his mind as he handed them their correctly sized skates, ringing them up and sending them off with practiced muscle memory for his tired and irritated brain.

Out of the three, Raven was the only one with much practice on the wheeled shoes of doom, and was quickly up, circling the latter two who were struggling to tie them.

“I'm starting to regret this,” Lexa mumbled as she attempted to stand from the circular couch, her feet sliding out from underneath her and tossing her back down from where she came. She was soon realizing that maybe it was for the better that she never had done anything like this. The death contraptions that enclosed her feet were daunting, and if it wasn't embarrassing enough that she couldn't even stand, Raven had already helped her sister up and was skating small circles around the couch.

“Lexa Woods,” Raven gasped, her hand being squeezed tightly by the girl gliding beside her, “the one and only star child, perfection at its finest. Can't skate?!”

She glared at Raven over her glasses from where she sat, legs spread before her and back sore from the harsh landing against the not so comfortable seating. If looks could kill, her friend would be six feet under.

“If children weren't present,” she began, but was quickly cut off.

“Oh, spare me, we both know you wouldn't hurt a fly.”

She pouted from her position, staring down at the green skates that fit upon her feet. The orange wheels spinning slowly from her topple and she cursed them for making her appear so flimsy in front of her sister. Who was quickly getting the hang of the blue ones that held her up as she circled the couch.

“You got this, Lexie,” her sister cheered when she passed in front of her.

Determination filled the girl's veins, she was going to prove Raven wrong, she _could_ skate, she just needed practice. Holding onto the head of the round couch, she pushed herself up and was able to keep steady on both feet. When her legs stopped wobbling, a small grin of triumph crossed her face and she reached out to clasp the hand Raven was outstretching as they looped around the girl again.

Together, they slowly began to circle the couch, Lexa getting a better handle on her feet as she copied Raven’s movements. One foot pushed outward at a time, while the other stayed put and helped steer.

Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. It really wasn’t that difficult.

They continued like this for another ten minutes until the sisters felt confident enough to do it on their own. From there they pushed towards the track, where everyone else circled much faster than the speed they were going.

Lexa felt Avery’s hand slip into hers as they followed Raven from the carpet to the white glowing floor. Which was much more slick than what the sisters were used to, causing them to almost topple before catching each other. People sped past them, some doing tricks while others were there just for the rush of air in their face as they traveled faster than their normal feet could take them.

Raven spun around and skated backwards, facing them and helping them along. Both girls gaped and Raven chuckled, her ponytail bobbing behind her head as the three moved along with the music that surrounded them. They were giddy and full of joy as they skated around the track, singing to themselves, with others joining in at times. The atmosphere of the rink was relaxed and allowed everyone to feel as if they belonged, no matter what skill level they were at.

She was glad that Avery seemed to be having the time of her life, all Lexa wanted was for the little girl to be happy and not have to stress about life, though she knew that would happen eventually. The longer Lexa could prevent that and have the little girl enjoy her childhood the better. Avery’s hand never left Lexa’s the entire time they circled the rink, feeling free and on top of the world, she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

~

“Okay, mine first!” Raven burst from her chair at the four person table they sat at after having gotten tired of the sore and uncomfortable skates. The music still blasted above them but it wasn't as loud as it was in the rink, allowing them to chat while they gathered snacks before opening the youngest girl’s presents.

They were each sharing a red and blue swirled slurpee that Avery had basically groveled for when they arrived at the snack counter. That along with several slices of pizza sat before the girls as Lexa pushed said gift towards the girl that sat between them. Who buzzed with energy from the thrill of the night and the sugar loaded drink she had almost drunken half of.

“ _Ours_ first,” Lexa corrected Raven with a smile. Even if she hadn’t done much, they both had chipped in to buy it from Raven’s friend, Winn, who was the owner of an army surplus store. Better known as an over glorified junk yard, but she had kept her mouth shut.

“Well, it's mostly mine,” the oldest grumbled, “you just helped pay for it a little.”

She smiled at her friend across the table and nodded, turning her attention towards the birthday girl who had started to tear the paper off. Pulling out the 40 channel, REALISTIC CB walkie talkie both Raven and Lexa had scrounged for, used and broken, only to have Raven use her skill in electronics to fix it up.

“No way!” Avery cried, instantly turning it on, and looking for channels to listen in on.

Both Raven and Lexa beamed, they knew how much the little girl had wanted one ever since they had come out, almost every one of her friends had one and it was the new, “cool” way to communicate between each other. Lexa never quite understood why, figuring it had to do with less supervision, for parents couldn't listen in or control it like the telephone.

The small girl thanked them repeatedly and hugged them both, before sitting down again and messing with her new device. Lexa smiled when she pulled out her other gift, the one she had bought from Clarke.

“There's also this,” she handed the small gift over to her sister, awe shining off her caramel eyes as small hands took the present.

“Two?” The girl had small, unshed tears sitting on the rims of her eyes. Never had she had a birthday quite as abundant or giving. The most she had ever gotten was a small present and dinner at home, this was so much that the girl was almost trembling.

Her tiny fingers tore back the paper and saw the tape that sat inside. A hand came to her mouth when seeing what movie it was, “Lex.”

Every year, her and Lexa had gone and seen the new Star Wars movie together, and this had been the first where their mother forbid it, for some incredulous reason that honestly didn't matter. Avery had cried when she found out and didn't speak to their parents for a week, only finally giving up her silence with some coaxing from Lexa.

The younger sister wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck, who brought her arms around the girl to hold her closer. “Can we watch it when we get home?”

“That's that plan,” she murmured in her ear, having her own tears almost spill at the small girl’s affectionate response.

They pulled away from each other shortly after and the group of girls finished off their food, heading out when the sky went from its bright blue to a warmer pink and finally fell to the darkened purple that appeared black, sprinkled with stars and an almost full moon. Lexa and Avery dropped off Raven at her car before continuing through the dim lit town, the younger girl wrapping herself around Lexa’s arm to fight the cold as they finally made their way home.

~

The air outside was colder than it has been throughout the month, and the breeze that blew through, carrying the scent of ocean salt and dry air, had the girls shivering head to toe as they approached their house. Lexa had the small girl tucked under her arm as she walked up to the doorstep and took out her keys to unlock the door. Which opened into a warm and inviting house, lit from their mother who was actively chatting on the phone in the kitchen.

"Ma!" Avery called, running through the entry hallway after ducking from her grasp. Leaving Lexa to strip herself of her shoes and jacket while listening in on the figures in the kitchen.

"Avery!" Her mother scorned, covering the phone with her hand before going back to whoever was on the other line, "Hold on, Marie."

She turned back to the excited girl before her, almost bouncing in her stance. "What have I told you about interrupting?"

The girl's face fell for only a second, before lighting up again, "I'm sorry, Ma, but don’t you know what day it is?!" She apologized quickly.

"I don't know!" Her mother quietly shouted, "Thursday? I don't have time for this, Avery."

Lexa had stepped into kitchen then and was leaning against a cupboard, she felt anger coursing through her at her mother's brash response. Of course, she would forget about Avery's birthday, when had she ever cared what happened in their lives before? Her heart broke as she watched her sister face fully fall and her eyes lose their excitement from the earlier events of the night.

"It's my birthday," the girl near whispered.

"Already? This year really has flown by, I'll have to put up the down payment for your father's SUV, it's due in December." She muttered to herself, hanging onto the phone with her chin while reaching for a pen and notepad in the drawer at her waist.

Avery watched her mother write numbers down as she continued her conversation in the phone near her mouth. Lexa could see the tears brim her eyes, but this time it was not from joy, or frivolous presents, or watching Raven fall on her ass after attempting to skate on one foot. All the girl wanted was some small acknowledgement from their parents, something Lexa had given up in long ago.

Avery turned to walk away as her mother lifted her mouth from the phone, "Oh, Avery."

The girl whipped back, hope gleaming through the tears sitting in her eyes, "there's a fifty in my wallet you can take, happy twelfth birthday." With that she turned away from her daughter to rest against the counter and fully converged herself into conversation with someone she probably didn't even care about.

The girl choked, dashing out of the room quickly as Lexa heard a sob rack from her throat. She whipped her head towards the woman laughing on the phone, Lexa's arms that were crossed over her chest gripped tightly, as she continued to lean against the counter behind her.

"Thirteen," Lexa spoke loudly, enough that her mother turned towards her with a quirk of the brow.

"Hold on, again," her mother sighed into the phone and looked at her daughter, having failed to see the other one’s outburst, "what?"

Lexa stared into her mother's eyes, disgust and hatred written all over her face so powerful that it even caused her own mother to shrink back a bit. "Thirteen," she repeated, louder than before, "your _daughter_ , turned thirteen today and you couldn't get your head out of your own, self absorbed ass for two seconds to remember? Let alone give her a full minute of your day?" She was screaming now.

Her mother gasped, taken aback, "you watch your tone-"

"Or what?" Lexa curled her lips, stepping closer to her mother, "what is wrong with you?" Looking at her from head to toe, "you disgust me."

Once she had let the words out, she felt a sharp pain on the left side of her face, her vision bending due to the glasses that had almost fallen, which now sat at an uncomfortable angle. Holding her hand to her cheek, she felt the burn as it started to redden and looked towards her mother who still had her arm raised.

"Get out of my face before I consider doing something more drastic," she all but spat. Piercing brown eyes stared her down, she could see the anger and what looked almost like pain, reflect back at her.

Still holding her face, she corrected her glasses with her free hand and looked down at her feet, "yes, ma'am." She replied before turning away and following her sister's footsteps down the hall, it was better to accept defeat and go to the girl in need than start something she knew would never end in any way but badly.

She found the girl curled up in her bed, sobs racking the poor girl's body as she hugged a pillow to her chest. “Avery,” she murmured, crawling beside her and loosening the small girl's grasp on the pillow, fully removing it and letting her curl into her chest. Small hands finding purchase, balled up in her shirt instead.

“Why don’t they ever care,” her voice cracked on every syllable that she plead into her older sister’s shirt.

“They just weren’t built that way,” she whispered into the girl's hair, rubbing her back with the hand that wasn’t holding the girl securely.

They lay like that until the younger one had calmed down enough to control her breathing, Lexa watched her, heart torn to pieces at the dried tears on her sister's face. She lifted her free hand and stroked the girl's cheek, wiping away any remaining drops.

“They aren’t worth your tears,” she spoke softly, looking at the caramel eyes that bore into hers, no longer holding the abounding cheer from earlier, “how about we watch your new movie?”

Avery nodded, sniffing, while she pushed herself up from the bed and grabbed the tape. Lexa never felt as complete and empty than she did that night, when they both fell asleep on the couch after watching the entire movie, bowl of popcorn lay empty at their feet as they curled together under a blanket in the dark and quiet house. She hated her mother for ruining the perfect day she had planned for the young girl, who lay curled against her back in a peaceful sleep.

By the time she finally let her eyes drift close, along with the world surrounding her, hours had passed and she hadn’t come up with a single thought, other than the fact that she wasn’t going to let a single soul hurt the girl that meant the world to her, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what your thinking, CHRISTINE HOW COULD YOU DEPRIVE US OF ALL THE CLEXA FLUFF. (yes that is my name, which I forgot to mention last chapter when I added in the horror movie named after me :P ) But do not fret, this chapter was originally supposed to be apart of the last one, which is why it's still in Lexa's perspective, but I figured that it worked better as a stand alone. Next chapter were back to all the fluff and pining that we love, I also just love the relationship between Raven, Lexa, and Avery and wanted to show a more in depth glimpse of that as well. Anyways, now that I've rambled enough, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and PLEASE LEAVE FEED BACK, last chapter was so amazing with all the responses I got and I honestly don't think I've been as happy as I have been the past few days in a while. So please, feed my ego, tell me what you liked or didn't like, and have an amazing Martin Luther King Day :)


	6. Chipped Paint

She tried not to be too disappointed when the girl, who had her clumsy around the shop, didn’t turn up on Thursday, like she had done for almost six months straight. She tried not to feel as if it was her fault, that maybe if she had kept her distance then the girl wouldn't have been scared off. Then the girl would have come to the store again, she had told her that they would get a replacement in on Wednesday. Which they had and it was now all set up back up in the corner with its T.V. and horrid orange bean bag. She tried to convince herself that maybe the girl was busy or had other plans, but as the clock ticked past seven, and then eight, and finally nine, her hopes sunk low in her chest and her movements were slow. The walk home that night was cold without a bubbling figure beside her, without the tall girl who had held out her arm when the breeze picked up and allowed them to seek warmth from each mother. And when she got home to an empty apartment, for Octavia was out with friends, trying to form memories before her departure, she couldn't help but crack as her life was really coming into focus. She was alone, and that's something she was going to have to get used to for the first time in her life.

~

Clarke woke up Sunday morning with heavy eyes, and a head that was pounding with each tiny noise echoing through their small apartment. Her chest was tight, almost as if some had laid a ten pound wait right underneath her collarbones. Her legs were tangled in sheets that were sticky with sweat, she's not sure where her blanket went but she bet her savings that it had ended up with whoever was sleeping on their couch. Her eyes cracked open to violent and bright rays of sunlight, cutting through her broken blinds. The window was cracked and the sounds of cars and the ocean wafted through the room, background noise to the sounds of banging and chatter coming from beneath her door. She groaned as she sat up, head throbbing as she held it between her hands, resting her elbows on her knees.

The night before was clouded with loud music, blinding lights, and cups filled with sharp alcohol that made her tongue stick to the roof of her mouth and her movements sloppy. So sloppy, that when a guy, who was probably a couple years older than her, began to hang around, handing her drinks and whispering sweet nothings into her ear as they danced a little too closely, she did nothing to stop it. Nor did she really want to, as his words formed hot breaths across her face and neck, or when his hands grabbed her hips roughly, and had her following his loud footsteps to a room in a house she didn't not know. She didn't resist when her night out for drinks with her best friend, who was leaving town in a week, turned into a one night stand with someone she couldn't even recall having a name or what his facial features resembled.

Clarke felt sick as she rested her head in her hands at the edge of her bed, and she couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or her actions from the night before. She's not even sure how she made it home or into her bed, but she's pretty sure it has something to do with Octavia and a car full of people who were too out of it to be able and name where their own houses were. Leaving drunken idiots strung across their living room floor and hogging all the blankets and pillows they could get their hands onto before passing out.

The clatter from outside her room brought the smell of bacon and burnt butter, churning her stomach and making her want to rush towards the bathroom connected to her room. But realistically she knew that the food would only help with the pain, not upset it. So, she found herself climbing onto her sock baring feet and shuffling towards her door and out into the rest of the apartment. Where she found Octavia at the stove, flipping pancakes onto a plate beside her, which was quickly diminishing from the greedy hands of people wearing the same state of mind as her. A few sat at the counter while others were still splayed on the couch or floor, each with a small plate of food in front of them thanks to their friends.

“Look who's finally up,” Octavia clicked her tongue, wearing an astonished expression as she flipped another handful of pancakes.

“Shut up,” Clarke mumbled, shoving her shoulder as she walked past her and towards their fridge.

“Harassing the cook, sounds like someone doesn't want breakfast,” the woman berated, pulling the plate of pancakes out of the blondes reach.

“ _O_ ,” Clarke whined, grasping her empty hand towards the plate of pancakes only two feet before her. Lips pulled into a pout as she watched he antidote be pulled away.

“Nope, you have to work for them now.”

Clarke continued to whine as she walked up behind the girl and placed her chin on her shoulder, “Octavia, _please_.” She drew the word out, right into her best friend's ear, who shoved her off and pushed the plate right into her hands.

“Fine, God, you're such a bitch sometimes,” she grimaced, holding the hand, that wasn't grasping the spatula, to her now pounding ear.

“ _But_ , you still love me,” Clare smiled and winked at her friend before taking her plate of food into the living room. Shoving someone's legs off the side of the couch and plopping down. Said person groaned and let their legs slide to the floor, falling back asleep with half their body on the ground and half curled up on the remaining cushion.

A while later, Octavia joined her, sitting in the Lazy Boy across from her, reversing their positions from a couple nights ago, “I'm gonna miss this chair.” The girl huffed, sinking further into its grey arms of warmth. Bringing her food onto her lap and setting to work on it.

“That the only thing you gonna miss from here?” Clarke teased, bringing another bite to her mouth.

The brunette paused mid chew, thinking, before tossing back, “nah, our turntable’s nice, too. I'm really gonna miss jamming out to Madonna while you're away at work. But, you know, I think imma miss my shower the most, not many you find with a removable shower head anymore.”

Clarke gagged, thankful she had just swallowed before Octavia had replied, “damn it, O, why do you have to be so gross.” She grimaced, looking down at her plate with disgust after having lost her appetite.

“Oh, don't even start, we both know that our showers are the same.” She pointed her fork at Clarke with a smirk.

“ _And_ that's my cue,” she lifted herself off the couch and walked a few steps before a harsh shove to her stomach sent her falling back into her previous seat.

“Shut up, nerd, and finish your breakfast.”

She huffed, looking at her plate again before glaring at her friend, “okay, first, I'm not a nerd, and second, I'll finish _if_ ,” she held up her hand and glared at the still smirking girl before her, “you stop making such crude comments at the crack ass of dawn.”

“It's noon, Clarke.”

“ _What_?” She looked at the clock on the wall above the fireplace to confirm it.

“Yup, and we got about six people here, whose names I have no idea of, that are probably due home a couple hours ago. So, shut your trap, eat your breakfast, and then you help me relocate them.”

Clarke groaned for probably the hundredth time that morning and finished her breakfast. It took her and Octavia till four in the afternoon to be able and wake everyone up, figure out where they lived, and get them home. By the time they finished they were both passed out on the couch, not even caring that they were still in clothes from the previous day and probably smelled like more alcohol than a brewery.

~

Tuesday night, when the bell rang and the girl in a faded leather jacket and dark green turtleneck sweater, that matched her framed eyes, walked in, Clarke's heart leapt in her chest. And then those green eyes met hers and the girl _smiled_ and waltzed over, not even hesitating to turn to the untouched console.

Clarke’s breathe caught in her throat when the girl got to the counter and rested her hip against it. She looked into the grinning eyes of the girl and couldn't help but smile back, maybe she hadn't fucked up as much as she thought she had.

“How's it going, stranger?”

Clarke feigned a gasp, “are you making fun of me?”

Lexa smiled, her eyes dancing over the girl in front of her, “me?” She questioned, placing her hand on her chest, “never.”

And Clarke giggled.

She fucking giggled.

Because this girl was too much and it was the small things like this, the small actions, the small little quips against the blonde, that made her heart flutter and stomach tighten in the most pleasant of ways.

“So, you got any work around? I think I see a box of movies in the back that has my name written all over it.” Lexa leaned her arms against the counter, mirroring the blonde.

“I just might.”

And that's how they spent the next half an hour or so, like no time had passed between now and a week ago. Conversation flowed, and smiles were traded as they both worked, more so just to enjoy the others company. Clarke recited more movies and Lexa fawned over the new cameras they got, expanding Clarke’s knowledge on the things that the girl enjoyed and how she spent her free time.

They were setting up one of the new televisions that came in the day before, it required a wooden stand and full internal configuration. Lexa sat on the floor, working with the wooden pieces and an instruction manual while Clarke stood at the counter putting together the required components of the television. The brunette stating she was better with paper and tools than electronics.

“The store missed you last Thursday,” Clarke acknowledged quietly, her fingers working to connect the correct wires to the necessary circuits.

“The _store_?” Lexa quipped from the floor.

_Mmhm_ Clarke hummed, her head almost inside the box of the T.V., to be able and see what she was doing.

“It was my sister's birthday, a friend and I took her roller skating.” Lexa continued sorting through the bag of screws that came with the stand.

“That's right, I remember you saying something about that last week.”

Lexa nodded, “she turned thirteen, I still can't believe how old she's getting. It feels like I was changing her diaper and whining about having to babysit her just yesterday.”

The girl was smiling softly at the pieces in her hands and Clarke couldn't help but join in. “I remember that age, as soon as they have _teen_ at the end of their age they turn into little monsters. All of a sudden, they're their own boss and can handle themselves, if only they knew what the real world requires of them.” She chuckled, ducking out of the T.V. to grab another circuit.

“You have any siblings?” The girl questioned from below.

She saw her mistake too late and couldn't backtrack her statement, or redirect the discussion, or lie to the curious girl before her, only seeking to further their conversation.

“Yeah,” a small smile gracing her lips, fingers sliding along the cool metal of an antenna rod, "a little brother, Aden," she replied, looking up to the girl who's eyes were already focused in her direction 

Lexa smiled, her eyes lighting softly from where she sat on the floor. "How old is he?" She questioned, smile falling into a small grin as she went back to work on the stand.

Clarke stumbled for a second, before mumbling a quick, "fourteen." Because what was she supposed to say, the age he was or the age he should be? They were both a lie in a way, and both the truth. Yes, he was fourteen, back when she was sixteen, back when he first got diagnosed and back when birthdays still mattered. Yes, he would be eighteen today, he should be graduating with Lexa and her class and yes, he should be looking into what college would grant him the best future for which he will never have.

The girl before her hummed and dropped the topic, seeming to sense the blondes eternal conflict. Or maybe it was just that her attention was focused elsewhere.

After a while, when Clarke had finished configuring the small television and Lexa was screwing in the final pieces for the stand. She moved the device closer to the girl and held the stand together to help her.

"Thank you," she murmured to the blonde, glancing up once and continuing.

"Did she like the movie?" Clarke moved along to hold the next needed piece.

Lexa sat up slightly to look above the stand and at the blonde with a quirked brow. Not understanding the question.

"Your sister."

Realization dawned on the brunette as she nodded and leaned back down. 

"She thought it was okay, as did I. It just-" the girl hesitated, drawing her brows together as she stared at nothing in particular. She looked back at Clarke, her piercing green eyes making her heart flutter a second before the girl opened her mouth to continue, "it was lacking. The Empire was so beautiful and magnificent and honestly one of my favorites of the series so compared to this one, it just doesn't make sense really. It kinda brought the series to an abrupt halt, a dead end. Not saying that it wasn’t also magnificent, it just wasn't the same I guess."

Clarke grinned at the girls rambling explanation, leaning against the low, newly finished, stand, her knees digging slightly into the carpet but not uncomfortably. Exasperated, the girl glanced back up at her from the small screwdriver she was twirling in her hands, "you know what I mean?"

"Never having seen the movies, I'm afraid to say I don't."

Lexa's mouth dropped, a mystified glare setting itself across her eyes which were rained on humored blue ones. "You?"

Her hand raised, pointing at the blonde, "the astound movie enthusiast."

"Horror enthusiast." Clarke corrected quickly.

"Yeah, whatever," she waved it off, "you've never seen any of the Star Wars movies?"

"Not one."

"But," a small pout formed on the girl's mouth, looking utterly confused and conflicted. Clarke couldn't help but smirk at the girl whose thoughts were running through her head and gleaming off her eyes. She was barely holding in the giggle that wanted to escape her throat so badly. The same way she was barely containing herself from leaning forward and tucking a piece of hair, that had fallen out of the intricate braids, back behind the girl's small ear.

Her face hardened, it would look almost menacing if Clarke hadn't known her any better. "That's just not right, we are going to watch them and I'm going to show you all the you're missing in your sad, little, Star Wars deprived life."

" _We_? Why Lexa, are you asking me out on a date?"

" _What_?" The girl squeaked, her face growing red faster than Clarke had ever seen. If she wasn't mistaken, she thought she could see fear reflecting off her green eyes which were shaking, looking at her over her fallen glasses. 

"No, no I meant," the girl was stuttering and her voice wavered, "you hadn't seen them and I have them, I just meant, I could show you-"

"Lexa, hey," she reached out, her fingers grazing over Lexa's cheek before gently cupping it. She didn't know what she was doing, she hadn't meant to place her hand there. Clarke was aiming for her shoulder but her hand moved faster than her mind and it was too late to retract it now. She could feel the warmth flowing out of the girl's cheek, tingling her fingers which softly rested there. 

The girl gasped lightly, enough that Clarke could barely hear it and wondered if it actually happened. Lexa halted her words, staring at blue eyes with her mouth slightly agape. "Calm down, I was just joking." Clarke smiled, chuckling to ease the tension climbing through her body.

She removed her hand from the warm cheek and moved the girls glasses back into place with her middle finger before tucking it back under her other arm. The girl was still looking at her, mouth closed now but the silence was making Clarke's spine crawl and quickly looking for something to say.

"I'd be happy to watch those movies with you, honestly I always meant to but never found the time, one of my best friends is crazy for them and was always giving me shit for never watching them. You could bring them over to my new place once I move and we could do a marathon or something." Blue eyes looked back onto green from where her hand was tracing the grain of the wooden stand she leaned on. "If that's cool with you," she murmured quietly, suddenly realizing what she offered, making her pulse race. She could feel it all the way to her fingertips which felt as if they might burst from the insistent eternal pounding.

The blush that was spread against Lexa's cheeks had died down, her tense figure seeming to relax the more Clarke rambled on, and when she finished the girl was nodding. With a small grin forming her features. "That's fine with me." The grin stayed, as she got up, her hands splayed against her faded jeans, pushing off herself until she towered over the blonde who was still on her knees.

Clarke realized what she was intending to do as she walked over to the small television resting on the ground, and quickly scrambled up to help. Trying not to focus on how her hand grazed the taller girls as they hefted the machine up, or how close they stood while walking the device to the stand, or how she could feel the brush of small warm breaths against her face from the girl who was obviously much stronger than what she was letting on.

When the machine was firmly placed in the stand, Clarke knelt down to begin running the cables through the labeled holes. Lexa sat cross legged before it, watching her hands work with the wires as she was positioned on the other side.

"So, you're moving? Where from, I thought you lived here?" Lexa spoke up to break the pleasant silence.

"I do live here, I'm currently living with a roommate who is also my lifelong best friend and who is also joining the military in about a week." Clarke glanced up from where she worked with the cords.

"Oh," she murmured, meeting the glance.

Looking back at her work, Clarke continued, "I can't really afford the rent of our place on my own so I move into my new apartment next Friday. It's just a small flat on Brookside."

"In the High Towers?"

Clarke hummed, finishing up the cords and rolling the T.V. against the wall to plug in. "I hear it's a nice place so hopefully it won't be too much trouble, although the friends I had that were gonna help me move in just called and bailed last night so it's probably gonna take me a couple days to get all my stuff over," her hand held the end of the cord as her mind wondered, "and then there's the whole issue with the landlord and I have to make sure that my truck is ready in time, and replace the cabinet we broke..." The blonde was trailing off, lost in thought and muttering the list of things she must finish before she could really say she _moved_ or settled in.

Lexa came up behind without her noticing and placed a hand on her back, just below her shoulder blades, which sent a shiver down her spine and goosebumps to rise beneath her shirt before she turned her head to look at the brunette crouched over her. 

"I would be happy to help you move, if you'd like." The girl murmured, softly looking at the frazzled blonde beneath her fingertips.

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Lexa."

"You're not asking, I'm offering." The girl replied, smiling.

Clarke huffed, torn between accepting the offer that could save her ass and denying the girl who was too kind for her own good. Before she could decide though, the girl above her continued.

"Besides, it would be nice to get a scope on the place where I'll be spending several hours, binge watching one of my favorite movie series. Gotta make sure you don't wreck the place before I get there."

And then she winked. The tall, clumsy girl who bumbled into her store a couple months ago, fucking _winked_ at her. If she was still breathing she couldn't tell as her head quickly bobbed up and down in confirmation. 

"That would be great of you, Lexa."

"Then it's settled," her palm slid down her back slightly as it pulled away. Along with the girl beside her who stood up and moved back behind the counter.

"I can pick you up in my truck after you get out of your classes for the day," Clarke called, looking behind her shoulder, "if it's finally fixed." She added under her breath, more to herself.

"My last class ends at three." She grinned from where she stood. The grin that pushes her cheeks up and nudged her glasses higher, the grin that had Clarke stumbling when she tried to get up from the position she was in.

"Okay, cool." Clarke returned the grin.

Lexa tapped the glass below her with her fingertips, smile now aimed at the contents below it, "cool."

After that, they worked through the rest of the hour until the clock ticked past eight, when Clarke went to flip the sign. And when Lexa was sliding on her leather jacket, and helping Clarke into her own, and following her out the door to walk her home again. Clarke could barely keep the ever existent smile from jumping right off her face and into the soft hands of the girl who made her caged heart turn to putty.

~

December third happened to fall on the same Friday that Clarke and Octavia’s apartment lease expired, the same day where Clarke would have to move everything of hers, along with stuff that Octavia couldn't bring, into her new apartment on the lower side of town. Octavia was due to leave the night before, to be able and arrive at the airport in time to catch her flight down to the base. Both had been dreading, and also ignoring, the fact that this day drew closer and closer until Octavia was standing at the door, looking at her bags stacked against the wall of the foyer, surrounded by dozens of boxes that were to be moved out the following day.

Clarke stood a ways behind her, in the doorway to the kitchen where she leaned back against. Her heart was tight in her chest, bound to break by the simplest of words that might flow out of either of their mouths. It felt like something was lodged in her throat, constricting her words that wanted to flow out and smother the girl that stood before her. The longest they had ever been apart was a month in tenth grade, when Clarke had gone to a summer camp out in the woods of Portland. And this wasn't a month, or some summer camp, this was the military, and this could damn well be the last time she ever sees her friend. Her best friend, the only woman who's stuck with her through the shit she's gone through and was more of a sister than anything else. They could hear the rain pouring outside the door, softly patting against its wooden surface and along the roofing above them.

Octavia breathed in sharply, the intake was shaky and could be heard by the blonde who’s breathing resembled the same, but quieter. “So, this is it,” her voice continued to shake as she turned to look at the girl behind her.

Unshed tears sat in Clarke’s eyes, heavy, and threatening to fall. She nodded, “yeah, it is. Tomorrow, you’ll be in Oaks Grove, ready to show all those elite assholes who’s the best pilot they’ve ever seen.”

Octavia smiled through the frown on her face, she could tell that the girl really was excited, this is what she’s always wanted. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy for her to go, to leave behind the life she’s created. She could see the anticipation gleaming off the girl’s honey eyes, not even the shed and unshed tears could mask that kind of power coursing through the girl.

“I have to be out of here and at the airport by midnight, which is in about an hour. So, I should really be going,” she choked out each word, eyes boring into the girl down the hall.

Clarke stepped closer until she was only a foot before the shorter brunette, “you better write me every day.”

“I will.”

“And show those assholes that you are so much more than what your tiny figure portrays.”

Octavia giggled, a tear escaping and sliding down her cheek slowly, “I will.”

“I’ll write to you every day, too. Tell you all about the amazing and crazy shit you’re missing back home,” Clarke reached forward and gently grabbed the girl by her forearms, “and, fuck, just, be safe.” Her words cracked with every syllable, her unshed tears beginning to mirror the women before her as they selected a path down her cheeks.

“I will,” Octavia was nodding, sobs beginning to breach her throat as she lunged forward and captured the girl before her into a bone crushing hug. Bothering neither of them as they hung on tightly, they were both each other's life line, hadn’t ever lived without the other. Clarke held the broken girl in her arms, shedding silent tears versus the cries of the brunette.

They hung to each other for longer than they had time for, and when Octavia finally pulled away she was having to rush to get out the door. Clarke helped shuffle bags out and into the cab she was going to take into the city. Both of their faces stained and puffy from the embrace only moments ago.

“Don’t forget to fix that damn cabinet my idiot brother broke last Christmas,” she was standing with the door of the car open, her waist slightly inside the warmer interior, “and all of Murphy’s comic books are in the box at the right of my door. Oh, and you have to send in the paper-”

“O,” Clarke interrupted from the sidewalk, hood of her jacket pulled around her ears as the rain still continued relentlessly, “I got it, now go, live your dream.”

“Okay,” the girl murmured, sliding into the car, but not before rolling her window down, “I want to hear all about your little geek in your first letter, you hear? And tell me about your new place, I know that it won't have my amazing decor and organization skills but I think you’ll manage.”

Clarke smiled, and nodded, “Of course.”

The girl in the cab sighed, a small grin stretching across her face, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, asshole. Now get out of her! Go!” Clarke laughed, waving her friend off and directing the driver to step on it.

The window rolled up and sealed off her lifelong friend, who was grinning from ear to ear as she waved and looked out the window. The bright yellow cab, contrasting the dreary atmosphere and darkened sky, rolled away from the curb and slowly drove off. Carrying away the most important person in Clarke’s life. She watched it drive off into the night, and watched where it disappeared long after it was out of sight. The tracks the tires left in the rain quickly filled, the wet pavement mirroring the streetlights around it. She stood there, breathing heavy as her body shivered from the cold and the water that had started to seep through her clothing and onto her bare skin.  Slowly, she made her way back up the stairs and into the apartment, looking back over the balcony and into the direction for which the cab had went before closing the door behind her. A final farewell, but definitely not a goodbye.

~

Clarke got a call from Wick’s Auto Shop at ten till noon on Friday, relaying what she owed, which was a couple hundred more than she planned, and telling her that her truck was ready, down at the shop whenever she wanted to come get it. The shop was across town from her place, almost an hour walk, thankfully though, a bus system always ran at noon which gave her exactly five minutes to throw on her boots and run out the door towards the stop down the street. Barely catching the old Trimet bus that was rusted blue and had seats that smelled of sweat and cheap perfume whenever you sat down on one.

On a bus, it only took about ten minutes to cross town, and dropped her off in front of the local grocery, which was a block away from Wick’s. By the time she got there, signed the papers, coughed up the payment, and was handed the keys, it was almost 2:30.

She walked into the garage at the back of the office, which by itself you could tell wasn't the most well maintained area. It's once white walls and comfortable seating had gotten grimy and chairs were riddled with tears and loose springs. The desk which she sat at to revise what had been done had given her at least three splinters in her left hand. Which she was constantly scratching as she dipped through the doorway and into the area that smelled of grease and fuel.

The mechanic, Wick, was a scraggly guy, not much older than Clarke herself. With shaggy hair and a short stubble, he looked as if he hadn't taken a shower in days. Grease smudged his face and hands in random places along with his grey jumpsuit. He lead her through the cluttered building, lined with assorted tools and car parts. They had just passed a bumper leaning against a wall, which she's pretty sure had seen better days.

Her truck was parked under a lift in the back, it's old rusted doors and mismatched hood looked the same as it did a month ago when she left it here. It got passed down to her, along with several other items, from her father when he passed. It was an old Chevy trailblazer, light blue in color with a white cargo cover. It would almost look nice as an acceptable car if it weren't for the rust that lined almost every crack and the dark brown hood, which was a replacement after the engine blew when she was about twelve and still belonged to her father.

She brushed her hand along the hood and its side, fingertips catching on loose paint that chipped off with her touch, as she headed towards the door. Unlocking it and hopping in, she fired up its engine with a shake of the key, not many people knew how to start up the truck, it was tricky and required certain pressure at certain points while turning. A pattern which was only habit to her by now, but she was constantly having to teach others, like Wick, who caught it pretty quickly. The engine roared to life under her fingertips, rattling the seat beneath her and against the hands that grasped the steering wheel.

She grinned, looking over to Wick who was leaning against the far wall. When he caught her glance, he nodded, a mutual understanding of appreciation, for all he had done for her. She dipped her head back, before pulling the door closed, it shook the car when it slammed, the latch locking into place. The past month had been a struggle without the old piece of metal. Trying to go anywhere or do anything took ten times longer than needed, and to Clarke, the rusty tin, which didn't cost more than a dime, was like a second home to her.

When she sat in the cracked leather seats, she could only see her father climbing in beside her. His stupid fishing hat adorning his head, covered in pins he had collected over the years. He would smile at her, his grin lined with wrinkles of age that only added to his features, he had a warm smile, one she could only ever see in photographs now. His hair was always greased back or shaken loose after a long day, she remembers falling asleep beside him in the cab as they would drive home from his work, wrapped up in the old patterned blanket that lay along the back of the seat.

As she pulls out of Wick’s garage, the familiar jingle of keys sounded from where they hung on the rearview mirror. Each had a story, her father would say, each unlocked a door to your past that only you could ever remember. Even when the keys are old and doors long forgotten, they still hold memories of a happier, or sometimes sadder, moment in your life. After he had passed, she found a note in the glove box telling her to remove his set and start her own. She kept his with the note, and had her ring of keys happily swinging as she drove, she only had a few, but time would change that.

The old truck rumbled along the oceanside road, she could see the calm, afternoon waters to her right as she drove towards the town's only high school. Which was only about a fifteen minute walk from her place, and a ten minute drive from Wick’s. Clarke arrived at the school fifteen minutes before the final bell rang, and she could already see stragglers slowly leaving the premises, ditching the end of class to escape the after day rush. She could spot the typical high school kids from where she parked along the curb before the large double doors that opened into the entire campus. Most of everyone that was out right now were the greasers, dawned in their heavy leather jackets and slick blue jeans. There were a few others, a handful of football players sat in the empty grass area in front of the school, a group of kids at a picnic table covered in textbooks and papers, the few loners that sat here and there. Clarke studied the few she could see, not really remembering where she was placed back when she was in school. She’d had a group of friends, and that's all that really mattered to her at the time. She wasn't popular per say, but she was nice and got along with just about everyone.

The echoing of the bell spread throughout the small campus a couple moments later, followed by the rush of student body, slowly pooling out the doors. Leaving the truck running, she hopped out and rounded to the other side, leaning against the front end of the vehicle so Lexa would notice her as she walked out. The two had hung out both days that week, the same as the other weeks, with Lexa helping her around the shop as they talked and laughed. A few times, when the store was mostly dead, she had closed early and they sat in front of the small television and console to duel out their prejudices with games of Mario and Donkey Kong. The taller girl winning mostly every time, but that may or may not have been due to Clarke taking it easy on her.

She noticed several glances her way from where she leant, whispers flooding around her and she couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. Remembering how all people that age were only concerned with how people viewed them, but oh how they would learn that in the real world, nobody gives a shit about who you hang out with or what you look like. It only took a few minutes before she saw the girl walking out of the building, head covered in a small set of headphones whose cord traveled somewhere into her pocket. And holy shit, Clarke's breath caught in her throat, because the girl was wearing a very form fitting set of light blue overalls above her striped sweater. Her converse peaked out from under the jean legs with tall white and red socks to adorn. The girl was stunning, like every day, and Clarke couldn’t comprehend how no one seemed to notice.

The girl’s eyes trained on her feet, hands grasping the straps of her backpack and she continued from the building. As if she could sense someone watching her, the girl looked up and locked her gaze to blue, before the girl lit up into a grin and came bounding over to her.

“Hey there, stranger,” she chirped, the usual greeting she seemed to have stuck to over the last week, her smile still stuck to her lips as she pushed the headphones to her neck.

Clarke’s grin quickly turned to a frown as her eyes grazed over a bruised cut along the girl's cheek that traveled up and under the framed glasses. Her hand reaching out to brush it gently but deciding not to at the last second, letting it hover close to the girl's cheek without contact. Her brows furrowed, “Lex.”

Lexa shook her head and reached up to take Clarke’s hand and bring it back down in between them. Smiling, the girl looked at Clarke, “it's nothing, I just tripped on my walk this morning.”

Her frown deepened, reading the lie directly out of the girls flickering gaze, but it was hard to concentrate on that as she realized that the girl was still holding her hand softly between them. Her long fingers were comfortable and familiar in her grasp and she wanted nothing more than to stretch her own out and graze them against the girl's palm, to trace around her nimble fingers and follow every crease that lined the girl’s hands. When Lexa noticed the blonde's gaze fall to their hands she quickly released them and grasped them behind her back casually.

“Sorry,” the girl’s soft lips murmured quietly.

“It’s fine,” Clarke smiled, remembering why they were here again and deciding to let the girl’s injury slide. The truth would come out when it was desired and she didn't want to push or scare to girl before her, “and hello, you ready to get to work?” The blonde chuckled.

Lexa nodded eagerly, looking behind Clarke towards the never before seen vehicle. “This yours?”

“Oh, no,” Clarke quipped, “I just like to relax against random people's cars.”

The girl glared at her and she laughed, opening the passenger door, “you kinda fell into that one.”

Lexa grumbled as she lifted herself into the truck, taking a quick look around at the interior as the blonde made her way around to her own seat.  She noticed the girls stiff frame as she pulled out of the lot, “relax,” she murmured, “settle in, make yourself at home, the dashboard ain’t gonna bite you.”

“I know,” the girl murmured, finally leaning back and finding a more comfortable position.

“See, was that so hard?” Clarke smirked with her eyes trained on the road before them, heading to her old place so they could load up boxes.

“Bite me.” She could feel the girls glare boring into the side of her face but she decided not to give into it. Instead deciding to smirk as she pressed play on the dash and letting whatever tape sat within fill the cab with music, as they drove along the quiet coastline. The girl beside her huffed and looked away, before they both broke out into a fit of laughter. God, Clarke could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, in my defense, I am absolutely swamped in finals and homework and work and then add in the fact hat I had three snowdays so I have to catch up for those ASWELL, and maybe I spent an entire day binge watching Person of Interest, but damn it that was so worth it, and maybe I was also kinda lazy but ANYWHO, its up now and SUPER LONG, so enjoy, and please leave feed back, you guys are so nice and I love hearing what you guys thought of the chapter as well as answering any confused questions that might come up as well :)


	7. Someone Like the Sky

Lexa's not sure what she expected when she saw Clarke after school on a Friday afternoon at the beginning of December. She'd imagined several different situations, all of them being her making a fool of herself. The thought never even occurred to her, that Clarke would not be in her work attire. That maybe the blonde didn't live in a black shirt and bootcut jeans. That maybe when Lexa stepped out of the double doors of her small town school, she would be confronted with a sight that made her heart stop and stomach tight with warm flutters.

Across the quad from her, was a blonde leaning against a rusty truck, dressed in Jordache jeans and a dark gray button up, under a blue puffy vest that complimented the woman's eyes completely. Her green eyes followed the blonde hair that was tied back as it normally was, but now most of it was let down and cascaded around her shoulders. The woman was searching the crowd around her, eyes scanning faces until they locked with hers and a grin broke across her face.

The pleasant feeling that kept appearing every time she saw the blonde began to bubble up in her chest before she dashed over, a wide smile stretching her lips and slightly baring her teeth. The woman watched her run up, both of them oblivious to the obvious stares and whispers surrounding them as they greeted each other.

When Clarke noticed her cheek, her heart couldn't help but fall for a second, scared the blonde would push for information she definitely didn't want to give. Her moment of excitement for the blonde had her forgetting the cut was even there, along with the pain that went along with it. Time around the blonde had given her courage that she never knew she had before, causing her to stand up against the boy who cornered her behind the cafeteria every day. Resulting in the collision of his curled fist against her cheek, his silver ring slicing from her cheekbone and almost all the way to her chin. It wasn't anything she couldn't handle, though, so when she entered the nurse's office with concerned looks she wrote it up as her being clumsy. A wild branch that appeared out of nowhere on her walk to school that morning.

But when she could feel the warmth of the girls hand radiating through the air where it hovered over her cheek. She couldn't help but want to break and fall into the concerned girl's arms, couldn't help but want to crumble and bare her heart to the warm figure before her. These thoughts clouded her judgment as she went to grab the girl’s hand out of the air, her fingers wrapping around the rough hand of the blonde, sending a spur of shock up her arm that brought her back to the present, and back to the electric blue eyes staring her down. A spur of shock that had her hanging on for more until blue eyes left hers and trailed down to their conjoined hands where she quickly disentangled them and clasped hers behind her back.

The woman before her was smiling, and joking, and so so _beautiful_ , that Lexa was _melting_ and couldn't control the wild flutters that would swoop through her every time she caught the blonde's eye. She could see the stares as they pulled from the parking lot but honestly couldn't care less, her mind was focused on the warm interior of the vehicle, that smelled like old cigarettes and vanilla. An odd combination that would be weird if it were anyone but Clarke, who kept sneaking glances at her as she looked out the window.

Soft music filled that cabin as they drove along the ocean side, filling the comforting silence that normally surrounded them. Her fingers fiddled with the ripped edges of the cushion beneath them, her body no longer tense after the soft spoken words from the blonde. She felt as if she was intruding the girl's personal space until kind eyes found hers and reassured that she was perfectly welcome. Lexa's lips curved upwards in a small smile when she remembered the blush that rimmed along the edges of Clarke's ears when she had told the woman to bite her. It was a risky comment, one meant to counter the blonde for her banter. But even she couldn't look past the double meaning and it seemed neither could Clarke. Who instantly went to turn on the stereo and focus her attention out the window.

It took only about fifteen minutes to get to Clarke’s from the school. A small complex, only two stories, where Lexa had dropped off the blonde on numerous occasions. She recognized the blue paneling and mossy roofing instantly, it looked different in the light. Dingier and forgotten looking, Lexa only hoped that the girl's new place was more inviting. They pulled into a parking space at the end of one of the building, Clarke’s apartment sat on the first floor, making the moving of items ten times easier than having to take them down a flight of stairs.

The truck shuddered beneath them as Clarke stopped the engine and pulled the keys from within, “you ready to move all my trash from one small ass building to an even smaller one?” Clarke joked, smirking over at the girl beside her as she slipped the keys into the pocket of her vest.

Lexa chuckled, meeting Clarke’s gaze, “better now than later, let's try and beat the clock, we only have about two hours of daylight left.”

“There's mostly only a few boxes of mine and dishware, I have a moving truck coming tomorrow to take all the big furniture, like the couches, dressers, and television. Everything else should fit back there,” she used her thumb to point towards the covered bed of the truck.

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, pulling the handle of the passenger door to slip out into the cold embrace of late afternoon.

She'd never been in the apartment before, of all the times she walked Clarke home she had only gone to the extent of the doorstep. It's not really how she imagined it would be inside, although it probably wasn't what it normally looked like, with boxes piled around the entryway and living room. She wished she had gotten to see it before everything was taken down and packed away. Only to get a further glimpse into the blonde's life, but Lexa figured it would only be some time until Clarke’s new place was lively and decorated as she pleased.

Clarke lead her further into the apartment and stopped in the kitchen, “so, dishes are first, they're the most breakable and should go on the bottom. Then Octavia's stuff which is on the wall of the living room, and my things which are still in my room. When it's all packed we can strap the mattresses to the roof.” Clarke finished pointing to where she intended and fully turned around, leaning against the counter behind her before the brunette who hadn't spoken a word since they walked in. Eyes too focused on roaming the confines of the place and head too full of thoughts to configure a proper sentence.

The blonde smiled, arms crossed as she looked at the girl, waiting for an answer. Watching Lexa's gaze travel around the place, obviously not paying attention.

“Does that sound good?” Clarke mused humorously.

Lexa broke out of her thoughts and looked back at the blonde, who was staring at her like she was waiting. She realized that she hadn't heard a word that Clarke was saying, and the longer she stayed silent the more the grin grew across Clarke’s lips. Yet another distraction that the girl had to keep refocusing her attention on the blonde.

“What?” She choked out, feeling the warmth spread through her cheeks at being caught.

“Did you hear anything I just said?” And Clarke was laughing, not loudly, but she could see the low chuckle bounce across the blonde's chest. Lexa blew out a puff of air, looking at Clarke, this was going to be a long day for her.

“Not really,” she murmured.

Clarke continued to hold the grin as she stood from the counter, only a couple feet before the taller girl. “Dishes first, Octavia's second, then mine, mattresses last. That work?”

Lexa nodded dumbly, too concerned with the little amount of distance between her and the woman that her eyes were trained down on.

“Great!” Clarke turned to leave the kitchen but stopped and looked back and the girl still stuck in the middle of the tiled room, “and really, thank you for this, you didn't have to help but you did. I owe you one.”

“It's no problem Clarke,” she smiled, holding eye contact until the blonde cleared her throat and smiled at the ground. Heading out to open the door and prop open the back of her truck. Lexa didn't miss the red tips of her ears, or the warmth in her stomach when she realized that she did that.

~

“Oh my god. Clarke, please tell me this is the last of the boxes.” The back of her vehicle was getting pretty close to full and it seemed to be Clarke's intent to test the limits of her strength by increasing the weight and amount of the boxes she was handed. Her arms now carried a tower of three cardboard boxes, all from Clarke’s room, with said girl trailing behind her and stifling laughs behind the armful of folded blankets she carried. I'm the past hour she had carried more than half the boxes and honestly was starting to lose feeling in her arms.

“I don't know, there might be a few more,” she shifted the blankets and pretended to set them down, “hold on let me go grab another.”

“ _Clarke_ ,” she whined, huffing as she picked up her speed to get to the truck as she was losing her grip.

She could hear the girl laughing behind her as she kept pace, following Lexa the rest of the way to the truck and helping her place the boxes in the little amount of space left. Lexa pouted as Clarke shoved the last box into place, her eyes sparkling with humor when she looked back at the taller girls pout.

“Oh, come on. You know I was just joking.”

Lexa continued to pout at the open hatch of the truck and folded her arms. She could hear the blonde sigh behind her and groan.

“ _Lexa_ ,” Clarke was behind her now, she could feel the girl's breath brush the back of her neck and she shivered.

The brunette continued to ignore the insufferable girl behind. Pretending not to notice at she got closer and the warmth between them increased against the frigid air around them. She pretended not to hear Clarke drown her name and not to feel as the girl's hand softly pressed against her back.

She tried to stay stock still until the girl’s hands were tickling her sides, tracing up and down her ribs. But then she couldn't contain the already present bubble of laughter in her chest and she was barreling over, clutching her sides as the blonde continued her assault.

“Clarke! Please!” She cried, tears streaming down her face in laughter, trying and failing to fight off the other woman's hands.

“Oh, now I have a name? Are you gonna continue your cute little pout fest or are you gonna help me finish up so we can head out?” Clarke was laughing with her, slowing down her movements as to give the other woman a chance to respond, who had fallen slightly into the truck and could barely breathe.

“Yes! I'll help you, I'm sorry, just please,” Lexa was still bent over, breaths coming out in spurts as she had gotten a grip of the blonde's hands which slowed down to a stop.

Clarke was still laughing, looking at the disheveled mess that used to be the stoic girl before her. She removed her hands from Lexa entirely and the brunette couldn't help but miss the warmth that came from them and the tingles they sent through her skin, now regretting ever saying anything.

She was glaring at the still giggling blonde who's cheeks and ears were flushed, with happiness or the cold, she couldn't tell. But her blue eyes were sparkling, shining from the pale blue sky around them. Lexa could see the already lit street lights reflecting back at her and she couldn't help but turn her glare into a small smile. The girl before her mirrored, as they both caught their breath and held the eye contact for maybe a little too long. Both too caught up in their thoughts of the other to notice.

The world around them had quieted, nothing but the dull roar of the far off water and small calls of seagulls way above their heads. It was nearing four thirty, and the sky was getting dimmer, darker so with the light fog that swarmed around the buildings and made the air a little thicker. A small wind was blowing, but when was it not, and picking up the blondes loose hair, curling it around her neck and shoulders, strands loosely flying in the air. Lexa couldn't help but admire the woman before her, who didn't look a spec out of place in this environment. Her blue eyes lit up with the sky and blonde hair bringing out the small rays of the setting sun. Her clothing was loose but tight in all the right places, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her blue vest which complemented her blue eyes which stood out against the blue sky that was blocked off by the blue buildings that surrounded them and all Lexa could see was blue and Lexa couldn't stop watching. Couldn't stop admiring the way that her lips curled up or her soft expression or the amusement flashing behind her eyes. Couldn't stop wanting to reach out and touch her, to hold her hand, to cup her cheek, to grasp her waist, to brush her nose against her’s, to press her lips to the soft ones of the blonde, to bring her body closer until they were just about touching.

Her trail of thought was abrupt when she realized that the lips she was so focused on were moving now. Speaking a language her mind was not key to hearing until she brought herself back to the present and was able to untangle the last sentence before the blonde was looking at her with a smirk and a small tilt of her head. The small curve of the right side of her lips that seemed to be the neutral expression she deemed fit to look at the brunette with.

“Are you ready to go?”

Lexa nodded, “yeah, sure. What about the mattresses, though?”

Clarke rolled her eyes as she walked a step forward to grab the hand of the girl sitting in the truck, pulling her behind as they made their way into the apartment. “Maybe if you had been listening you would have heard me say let's grab them and then head out.” What would usually be said with malice came out light on the woman's tongue as she guided her first to Octavia’s room.

“Sorry,” Lexa murmured with a small smile as her eyes locked on their entwined fingers.

Clarke grinned back at her as they entered the room, it took several tries on Clarke’s part to try and figure out how to maneuver it out of the room, until Lexa walked past her and lifted it in one heave, sideways so she could fit it through the doors.

“Show off,” the blonde mumbled as she walked by again.

She winked and tried not to notice the faint shocked expression that passed through the blonde and her red tinged ears. Her heart fluttered in her chest when she turned and continued to the truck, pleased she could create such a tiny but tremendous reaction from the girl.

It took them only a few minutes before both mattresses were outside and tied to the top of the truck, hopefully, strapped down enough so they wouldn't slip as they drove. Clarke ran inside to check everything over while Lexa climbed into the passenger side of the cab, and then walked back out, locking the door and sitting beside the taller girl until the engine was rumbling again and they were pulling out of the complex. Most likely the last time Lexa would ever see these buildings again in such detail. But she didn't mind, this was Clarke’s past, a place with memories and stories she did not know and only had time to hear of. Clarke was getting a new start in a different building, and hopefully, if the blonde let her, she would be right beside to help her create new moments and memories that they could look back on in their future.

~

Lexa had never been to the High Towers before. Sure she had heard of them, they weren't exactly the most pristine place or the biggest or fanciest, but it was decent. With a nice landlord and a grounds crew who kept the place from looking too much like an abandoned, post apocalyptic graveyard. Unlike the place they came from, the walls were stacked of dirt red bricks instead of wooden siding. In between the parking spaces were small trees and thin lots of grass lined the bottom of all the buildings. Some holding shrubs, others held bushes of roses that were long dried up for the winter. The place looked warm, even in the cold of the season, inviting, it made Lexa smile. This was so much better than the other place.

She looked over to the girl that was pulling into a spot at the far end of the buildings, close to the left side. Her hands had white knuckled grips on the wheel, mostly due to the fact that the heater had shut off some time on their ride and not from a tight grip caused by a turmoil of emotions. Which left the cabin as cold as it was outside, having the girls shivering in their minimal clothing, exhales clouding in the small space and hands turning pale.

“Please, tell me that your place has a furnace or any other source of warmth,” Lexa's teeth chattered, her arms clutched close to her body.

Clarke grimaced, her eyebrows drawing together as she stared at the door before them. Her hands were shaking as she tried to unlock the apartment, “what would you say if I said, no?”

A low groan fell from her throat as she bounced on her heels, looking over the blonde's shoulder, she was really regretting wearing such light clothing and not bringing a jacket. This morning had been warm surprisingly and she didn't even think about how she would be out late.

“Sorry,” the girl frowned as she pushed the door open, “the landlord says he's trying to get it fixed as soon as he can, but it'll be a week or so.”

They walked through the doorway, which held a dark brown and smooth door, lacking cracks or dirt, looking almost brand new. It matched the interior of the place, where its walls portrayed those of outside and we're all brick. The floor was made of hardwood, and the place opened up into a wide living room, the kitchen on their left most corner. Consisting of wooden cupboards and dark marble counters, an island sat in the middle, separating it from the rest of the place. Tall windows lined the walls, lighting it completely without even any bulbs on. The right of the room held an area meant for a bed or office, the floor was bumped out, leaving a step up and onto the raised floor. It was like a room without walls. With no furniture, the place looked bare, empty, but not uncomfortably so. She could see the lights that hung from the tall ceilings and watched as they flickered on when Clarke hit the switch near them.

“Home sweet home,” the girl murmured, stepping further into the place, “you like?”

The blonde outstretched her arms while turning to walk backward, facing the girl still clutching her arms against herself. Lexa nodded, the place really was great, so much better than where they had come from, with its stained carpet floors and plaster walls. This was an entirely different environment, one that actually felt like a home. Made you want to hang out, to sit on the couch, cook in the kitchen, stay the night. Even with the place being almost colder than the air outside, it gave the mentality of warmth and peace.

Clarke smiled at the girl's reaction, dropping her arms back down to her sides. She turned back towards the empty space and considered it for a second. “I've never lived on my own before, it's always been with my parents and friends. It's weird having to choose where everything goes. Like,” she looked at the floor and brought a hand to her chest softly, “it all depends on me, what I want. It's utterly at my disposal.”

They were looking at each other now, Clarke having turned slightly while speaking to her. Lexa still stood there shivering, having several layers less than the girl before her. The blonde drew her lips together into a small frown.

“You should really start remembering your jacket.”

“It was warm this morning,” she defended quietly.

“It's December, Lexa,” the other girl said, giving her a pointed look before turning fully around and heading back towards the car. “Come on, I think one of my boxes of clothes is near the front, you can borrow one of mine.

They both went back outside and to the covered bed of her truck, before opening it and beginning to slide out boxes. Lexa would carry in the wrong ones and place them in the center of the room to be sorted out later. She was just on her way back outside when she heard Clarke cheer, her voice echoing into the empty space around her. Lexa ran back out, eager to escape the cold that she could feel all the way to the bone, making her limbs stiff and movements slow.

Clarke had found the box and was rifling through it, in search of the item she desired to give to Lexa. It didn't take long before she pulled out a black letterman jacket with a white collar and edges, small strips of red ran along the jacket's cuffs and bottom fringe, followed by the red “T”, for Taft, on the left breast. Clarke smiled wide as she handed the jacket over to the shivering girl, obviously proud of her achievement. She took the soft material from the girl’s hands and copied her grin.

Slipping her arms through the warm material, she held the jacket closed, so thankful for the warmth it instantly brought her, blocking out the small breeze and frigid air. She looked at the blonde confused, “where'd you get this at?”

“Meh,” Clarke waved her hand and went to close the box of clothes, “probably some old boyfriend during high school. No one important, obviously.” Clarke joked, picking up the box and heading inside.

Lexa watched her go, the smile still plastered to her lips as she lifted the collar of the jacket to under her nose and warm her chin, the sleeves were a little too long and the jacket stretched down below her waist. It was too big, and warm, and Clarke’s and she never wanted to take it off. When she moved to help take more boxes in she realized it even smelled like the other girl and couldn't help but feel the swoop in her stomach and giddiness spread through her chest at the thought.

~

“Clarke,”. Lexa was trying to hold in her laughter at what sat before her, obviously out of place because she was supposed to be putting the dishes in the cabinets while Clarke unpacked boxes diagonally across the room from her. Where she had stacked both of the mattresses on the raised area of floor to form her bed. Covered in a dark green sheet, several blankets, a patterned quilt, and probably too many pillows for one person.

The box she had just popped open was not, in fact, carrying bowls as it was labeled. But instead was stacked to the brim with VCR tapes, all labeled after scary movies. She could hear the patting of Clarke’s socks as she walked over to her. She was lifting up one of the movies when the other girl made it to the kitchen area and stood behind the island next to her.

“What's up?” She peered into the box questioningly, nonchalant, as if it was totally acceptable to have this many movies just on hand.

“I do not believe these are bowls, Clarke.” She lifted another movie out of the box.

“Are you sure?” Clarke reached in and grabbed one herself, “have you not eaten cereal out of one of these before? What do you use?”

Lexa was stunned with the way Clarke was taking this, was she serious? Not once had she smiled or broken out into a laugh, she utterly looked confused as for why Lexa didn't believe these were bowls.

“Clarke,” her brows furrowed together, she didn't honestly was too perplexed on how to react and looked back at the movies, “the milk would just run right through the holes.”

The girl beside her looked as if she was crazy and Lexa pouted. These were _VCR’s_ , what the hell was Clarke talking about? But then the blonde burst out into laughter, clutching the marble counter below her as it racked through her body.

“Oh my god, your face,” the girl beside her was barely breathing but Lexa couldn't find a single drop of sympathy for her.

“You suck,” she took the movie back from the dying girl and picked the ones back up off the counter to put in the box. She brought it to the living room, bumping the girl with her shoulder playfully on her way, and placed it with the other boxes that belonged there.

Clarke chuckled as she followed her, watching as the girl put it at the bottom of the pile. “I honestly don't understand why you need that many movies, Clarke,” she said while standing back up.

“What are you talking about? What else am I supposed to watch while I'm bored? And for your information,” she pointed at Lexa's nose while walking back to her nook in the corner, “I love every single one of those movies, and could watch them a million times without try.”

“But, there's so many!” She looked at Clarke astonished, watching as her figure retreat with a sway of her hips. There was something seriously wrong with this girl, and she loved it.

“So many? Lexa, Lexa, Lexa,” the girl sighed, “I have two more just like it.”

“Two more?!” The girl was sputtering now and Clarke was laughing again, falling onto her bed as the girl across the room was making crazy gestures and muttering under her breath about the obscenities over the situation. This place wasn't as cold anymore.

~

It was getting late in the night when they were finally unpacking the last of the boxes. She could see the sky from the windows and watched as the sun set and the stars came out to play. It was beautiful, the sky here, without the light pollution of the city you could actually make out almost every constellation. She stood there, marking the window with her warm breaths, as she watched the quiet town and beautiful dark clouds. It wasn't the first time she's sat and watched the sky, whenever she's feeling stressed or bored or any extraneous amount of emotions, she likes to lay out in her backyard and watch the sky, it calms her. Sets her wild thoughts in place and lets her focus on what's important. Looking at the stars makes her feel so small, but yet so big, as if she could accomplish anything if she really put her mind to it.

When she looked over at the blonde, who was currently hanging up a large tapestry on the wall, against the head of her bed, she was confused as to why she felt the same way. Looking at Clarke made her feel free and light, just like the stars and the sky and the moon and the sun. She smiled as she watched her struggle with the thin cloth, not being able to pin it up so that the corners were straight.

Lexa walked over, and stepped up onto the platform until she was standing at the foot of the bed, “it needs to go up a little on the left.”

Clarke nodded and thanked her, moving the tapestry further up the wall. The cloth itself was almost like a tye dye of soft yellows, pinks, and browns. It was beautiful, and had a large Asian elephant in the center, surrounded by small shapes and designs, the creature was almost demanding respect, but also giving off the element of peace and tranquility.

“That’s beautiful, Clarke.”

“Thank you,” she could see the redness of her ears from the position behind her but didn’t comment, “I got it on a trip I took to India my Junior year, I went to help teach at one of the poorer schools in the country and a child gave me it to me before I left at the end of the season.”

“That’s amazing.” She was looking at the girl with awe. Never before had she met someone so courageous and giving, she couldn't help but wish she could learn everything about the blue eyed girl before her.

“I thought so, too. I only wish I could have stayed longer, you really don’t realize how much we have here until you go to a region that doesn’t have anything.” She finished pinning the cloth up before spinning around and dropping down with a bounce to sit at the edge of the bed before Lexa, her feet crossed and tucked beneath her.

“That’s still, just, so,” she was looking at the cloth again and then back at the girl in front of her, not sure what to say. “Amazing,” she breathed out, feeling ridiculous for having said it twice.

“Yeah,” Clarke had a small smile across her face as she gazed at the brunette, ‘it was.”

They stayed there for a second, just staring at the other, contemplating what to do next, when Clarke jumped to her feet, “so,” she reached out to push the glasses on the bridge of Lexa’s nose back into their neutral position, “what is your view on pizza?”

Refocusing on the blue eyes, that were much closer now, she quirked her brow, “do you really have to ask that? It’s pizza.”

Clarke nodded, looking behind Lexa’s shoulder at something before turning her gaze back to lock onto green. “Pepperoni work for you then?”

“Of course.”

“Great!” The over excited girl bound across the room and into the kitchen where the phone hung. It only took her two seconds to grab it and punch in the number.

“Do you seriously have the pizza place’s number memorized?” Lexa smirked, not having moved.

“Don’t judge,” Clarke mocked a face of hurt before the person on the other end answered and took her attention away. The taller girl’s gaze was glued to the way the blonde's fingers twisted around and played with the cord as she talked into the phone. Not twenty minutes later was there a knock on the door and the cold, musky apartment was suddenly filled with the warm smell of melted cheese, butter, and the spicy hint of pepperoni.

~

One of the first things Lexa had seen while they were packing and unpacking, was an old police scanner, stuffed at the top of one of the boxes. She never felt the time to mention it until she saw Clarke fiddling with it on the floor later that night. She was seated at the one side of her bed that wasn't against the wall, where an outlet protruded. The scanner was hooked up and the blonde sat before it cross legged, below the step that the machine sat on so she could get a better view of it.

After noticing, Lexa decided to join her, sitting against her other side and watching as the blonde messed with the dials, “what are you doing?”

“Trying to find the channel that the sheriff’s usually send their reports out on.”

“Oh, okay,” she watched for awhile longer while the girl beside he grew more aggravated, “want some help?”

“Sure, I obviously seem to suck at using this thing, you are most definitely allowed to give it a whirl as well.”

Lexa felt her mouth curve into a small smile when the blonde scooted over some to allow the brunette to have a go at it. She set to work, ears tuned to the static waves pulsing from the machine, “where did you get this thing, anyways?”

She regretted the comment almost instantly when the noticed the other girl’s face fall and the calm mood of serenity they had developed for this place, slowly slipping away through her fingertips.

“It uh, it used to belong to my father, when he worked down at the station,” Clarke muttered with a sad smile, barely recognizable with the shake of her throat and small lilt to her voice.

“Did he retire?” She asked, looking up from the dial that her fingers were wrapped around. It's jagged edges leaving imprints on her fingertips.

“No, well, kinda,” Clarke laughed, but it felt forced, Lexa could see that it didn't meet her eyes, “he answered a call to an abandoned warehouse down at Siletz. A concerned neighbor called it in, saying they saw cars parked outside. As it turns out, the cars belonged to one of Portland’s local gangs, so he walked in on a drug bust. Everyone there had guns and it's not hard to put the pieces together.” The girl looked at her, the smile gone and what was left was just a set of empty eyes. Lexa could see the turmoil going through the blonde's head as to not let any emotions show. Her heart broke at this sight, and all she wanted to do was comfort the girl beside her. “That was more than two years ago, he had worked for this town for almost fifteen years, I still remember my mom giving him shit when he had said he wanted to join.”

“He sounds like he was a good man,” Lexa murmured, resting her hand on Clarke's knee.

“He was,” she nodded, bringing her hand down on top of Lexa's and intertwining their fingers.

Her hand was warmer than Lexa thought and it tingled her fingers, drawing goosebumps from her arm. She gave the other woman's hand a squeeze, “what was he like?”

Clarke smiled at her, she could still see how much it hurt the blonde, but this one was sincere. The girl spun her hand around between her own and played with her fingers. She traced her hand from the palm to her fingertips as she thought about the answer.

“He was a lot of things, he was kind, and gentle, and so patient.” Her hands continued to fiddle with her fingers and she was having a hard time focusing on what the blonde was saying.

“He and my mom got married young, right before they had me actually, but God, I don't think I ever saw someone love another more than the way he loved my mom. He looked at her as if she made the stars appear every day and the sun set behind the ocean. I've always admired that, hoped I could someday find someone that made me see the world differently, too. But there was so much more to him, more than most people knew.” Her eyes were bright as she talked, as she described her father and what he was like, what he was interested in, and the things they would do together, who this brilliant man was to her, sometimes lifting one of her hands away when she got deep into a story.

Lexa was awestruck.

They spent the rest of the evening chatting about how they grew up and what their families were like. Lexa told her about the numerous amounts of trouble that Avery and she would cause, chest fluttering every time she could get the other girl to giggle.

Which was more often than not.

At some point, they ended up sitting with their backs against the pillows and wall of the bed, for it was the only comfortable place to sit in the apartment right now. Their shoulders and thighs brushed as they talked animatedly, and sometime during the night, they both let the darkness surrounding the small apartment take them. Curled together on the soft mattresses, warm from the other body pressed against their backs, the blankets beneath them long forgotten as they slept soundly for the first time, in a long time, for either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer the wait, longer the chapter? Currently all my free time has been spent playing Resident Evil 7 so OOPS, also, any one here watch Supergirl? Cause holy shit this weeks episodes was AMAZING and I can't with all the feels and it was so fucking CUTE AGH. Anyways, new chapter, more fluff, I hope you enjoy :) 
> 
> Please leave me a response! I love reading them so much, what did you think? What did you like, not like? Etc.
> 
> Also, one more thing, if you ever want to check out my video edits (or at least my newer ones since Vine was taken down and that's where I used to post :'( ) go check out my Instagram @lost.heda
> 
> (you will not be dissapointed I swear)


	8. Love is Love

The first time she woke up that morning, was soft and warm and she could feel the light weight of a body against her own. Having turned over at some point during the night, her arm was wrapped around the slumbering girl next to her, hand grasping at the small fibers of her sweater, pulling her closer to her chest. Small brown curls brushed against her nose, making it itch in the most amazing kind of ways, they were soft and smelled like the forest, and the ocean, and like the sun and the stars and this girl that laid against her chest was _everything_. She could feel the faint heartbeat under her, and each small intake of breath with the rise of her arm following the girl's midsection.

When she shuffled, to allow her other one to find its place under her pillow and bring the brunette even closer if that was considerably possible, the girl sighed. She watched as her lips fell into a hard line before relaxing again, and then the girl was scooting backward, and seeking more warmth, and turning back slightly so that she was half lying on her side and half lying on Clarke who easily let her slip further into her grasp. The girl’s face was beautiful in the morning light that peered in through the windows, which danced across her features and over her small nose, leaving a tiny shadow along her cheek and over the cut that was slowly healing.

She frowned, bringing the hand from the girl's midsection to trace the bruised skin. She would never understand how someone could ever do this to the sweet and vulnerable girl before her. Who picked the pepperoni off pizza to eat first and who giggled at the small jokes Clarke would make around the shop and who would get the cutest little scrunch between her eyebrows whenever she was frustrated. Because she knew it was a someone and not a something, for the girl may be able to trick her superiors and classmates but she could see the truth in the flicker of the girl's eyes and the fumbling of her fingers when she messed with the strap of her backpack. She touched the skin gently, not intending to hurt or wake the girl this early is the morning, and the girl leaned into the touch, humming at the warmth that flowed between them, eyes fluttering at the soft breath that escaped her lips. Clarke's chest tightened with the action because all this girl wanted was to be _held_ and _understood_ and all she wanted was to give that to the girl. Was to give the girl everything, every part of her, every touch, every glance, every smile.

She moved her hand back to girls waist, the braided fabric sending shivers through her arm, and securing the girl back to her. They were warm, so warm that Clarke was melting when she closed her eyes again and laid her head back against the pillows. Smiling when she felt nimble fingers skimming over the back of her arm and trailing towards her hand to entwine their fingers. Smiling when her hand was tucked under the girl's chin and smiling when she fell back to sleep with a warm girl following along to the thump of her heartbeat.

When Clarke finally arose that morning, the bed was cooler than before. Her hands wrapping around the bunched up blankets and sheets, her chest empty and legs tangled in nothing but each other. A quiet whine tumbled from her throat and out her lips before she could help it, almost like a groan but too quiet for anyone to hear unless they were nearby. But when a small giggle filled the air around her, echoing from further away, she knew she had been caught.

Her eyes cracked open and squinted with the offending sun, pouring brighter now from the window. She would definitely have to invest in curtains at some point in the future because this was excruciatingly annoying. Especially with the fact that it was maybe twenty degrees outside and yet the sun was still taking advantage of her situation. She groaned again, flipping to her back and covering her eyes with the crook of her elbow.

“Something tells me you're not much of a morning person.” The voice came from her her right but she was too out of it to respond properly, other than another soft grunt. Which brought on another giggle and her lips curled into a smile.

“I'll take that as a yes, then.”

Why was this voice insistent on disrupting her morning.

“Take it however you want,” she mumbled against the skin of her arm.

The smallest, most adorable gasp came from the girl somewhere in the room and her heart jumped. Like it did every time this girl did _anything_ and _god_ Clarke loved it.

“The monster speaks?”

Her lips peeled back in another smile and she could feel her teeth pressing into the soft skin of her arm. “Shut up.”

“Well, that's not a very nice way to speak to someone who made you breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” Her arm shot off her face and she sat up quickly, finally noticing the smell of butter and toast and the greasy smell of cooked bacon.

“You didn't,” she looked over from the bed towards the kitchen where the girl stood in front of the stove, her back facing her. The overalls were gone and replaced with a pair of gray sweatpants, tucked under her sweater, the sweater that was soft and Clarke could still feel it beneath her fingertips.

“Are those my sweatpants?” She smoothly turned her legs to fall off the bed and stood up. Chills running through her bare feet at the cold, hard wood floors. That was something she was going to have to get used to, the matted carpet from her old place was gone and she smiled as her feet made small pats against the floor while heading towards the kitchen area.

“Maybe,” the girl turned her head to look over her shoulder, the messy brown locks falling in front of her face while she smiled at the blonde. She returned the smile as she went to rest against the counter, mystified by just how _green_ her eyes were in the morning. And how gentle they were, how they looked at her as if she was worth something, it made her chest warm and bubble at the thought.

“If that's okay? Denim isn't exactly the most comfortable material to sleep and laze around in. And these were right on top of one of your boxes of clothes so I figured that it would be fine if-.”

“Lexa,” she placed her hand on the girl's arm as she was leaning back against the counter just to the right of her.

The girl stopped her ramble and looked up from what she was doing, her nose red. “It's okay, you can borrow my clothes anytime you'd like. And it's not as if we planned to stay the night here,” she smiled, “so really, it's not a problem.”

“Okay,” the girl turned back to the stove with a small smile. Clarke squeezed her arm once before letting go, not that she wanted to, or ever wanted to. She didn't know why she was so inclined to touch this girl, it lit a fire in her stomach every time her hand passed over or her shoulder brushed against her, even if there was a layer of fabric in between. She liked it, _wanted_ it, but she didn't want to scare the girl or push her away. So she took back her hand and walked around to the other side of the island that sat in the middle of the kitchen, separating it from the rest of the large space, and leaning against it with her elbows. She needed to distance herself otherwise she was going to do something she regretted.

“I hope you like omelets, Avery says I make them best so I thought I could make them for you as well since you let me stay here last night.”

“I love them.” The girl made her _breakfast_. For fuck's sake, what did she do to deserve the chance of meeting such an incredible soul?

“Where did you get all the stuff for them? I haven't even gone shopping yet?” She looked towards the fridge which she was pretty sure was empty just last night, except for the leftover pizza box, and then at the counter which held eggs and milk and various other things.

“Thankfully, you live only two blocks from the grocery, so I picked some stuff up.” She was reaching up into a cupboard to take out some plates and Clarke unabashedly eyed the small strip of skin that appeared from under the girl's sweater. Tanned, smooth skin that had her biting her lip and cursing her eyes away because _no_ , this was _Lexa_. Not just some eye candy and not just someone who should be admired by another who was undeserving to do so.

“In your pajamas?” She raised an eyebrow at the girl who's turned to face her now. Who's eyes were drawn down at the red spreading through her cheeks.

“Maybe.”

The omelet was _amazing_ and Clarke was grinning and thanking the girl who sat on the counter beside her. Who had chastised the blonde earlier for sitting where you're supposed to prepare food until she pointed out that it's not like they had stools and that she'd rather not stand all morning. So now here they were, sitting cross-legged on top of the small island, empty plates before them as Clarke’s head found purchase on the girl's shoulder.

“I never want you to leave, can you make these every morning?” She pushed at her empty plate gently with a pout, ear buzzing against the brunette’s neck and sweater.

The girl hummed in consideration, leaning into her further and Clarke’s pout shamefully turned into an unbegrudged smile. “Invite me over more often and I just might, although I do have to leave at some point. My shift starts at four.”

“ _No_ ,” she drawled out, turning her face and continuing said word into the fabric on her shoulder.

“I know, I'm sorry, I have to make a living somehow, though.” She giggled, which jostled Clarke to sit up and her heart to flutter when their eyes locked tenderly.

“You're in high school, you don't need to make a living,” she continued pointlessly, just to carry on the conversation with the beautiful girl whose eyes were scanning her face. Whose hair was frizzy and sticking up in the wildest places that couldn't have been more endearing.

“Well, I'm going to some day, better start now.”

“You're no fun,” she was pouting again and she watched as green eyes flicked towards her lips cautiously.

“You take that back, I can be lots of fun.”

“Oh, really?” She leaned in closer, eyes locked on bright green ones that were wide open as they stared back.

“Yes, really,” the girl squeaked and she leaned away, giving the girl some breathing room as she slid off the counter and gathered the dishes.

Clarke clicked her tongue and moved the pans and bowls that Lexa used into the sink alongside their plates. “I may have a way for you to prove that to me but you gotta hang around long enough until the moving truck comes with all my important stuff.”

“Prove it to you?” The girl was beside her now, making her jump and drop the sponge in her hand. The girl was so _quiet_ and careful that it honestly baffled her. Her nimble hands were reaching for the sponge that was now sat at the bottom of the sink and she swatted them away.

“You cooked, I clean. And this isn't exactly helping your _fun_ case.” She pointed out, returning to scrubbing the dishes.

“I just wanna help,” the girl mumbled, eyes trained on where Clarke's hands worked.

“My point exactly, you gotta learn to relax, enjoy yourself, have _fun_ ,” she taunted, smiling when the girl stuck her tongue at her.

“What time are the movers supposed to be here?” The girl asked, hoisting herself up onto the counter beside the sink. She had to duck her head at the small action, elated that the girl was getting comfortable enough to do such things.

“I think they said noon, but we’ll see. Do you know what time it is now? I haven't found my wall clock in the mess of boxes we have left, yet.” She glanced over to the brunette who was swinging her legs idly and watching her.

Lexa glanced at her watch, an old, faded gray one which she had told Clarke was a gift from Avery a couple years ago. She could see the reflection of the small ticking hands in the girl's eyes and waited for the answer.

“Almost ten thirty,” she turned her green gaze to Clarke’s.

Clarke’s eyes grew wide as did Lexa's smile, she could see the amusement on the girl's face, “wow, okay, it's a lot later than I thought. How long have you been up for?”

“Since like eight or so,” she shrugged and Clarke gaped.

“You could have woken me up, too, y’know,” she finished the last dish and set it on the drying rack before standing in front of the elevated girl. She crossed her arms, playfully glaring.

“I could’ve,” the girl hummed, “but you looked so relaxed and peaceful, who would I be to disrupt that?” She held her hand to her chest while pouting. That goddamn lip she kept jutting out was making her crazy and Clarke had to struggle to lift her focus back onto her eyes.

“That's a fair point I guess.”

They held each other's gaze after the small conversation, neither knowing quite what to say or do. She watched Lexa's green eyes flicker as they looked back into hers, a small smirk sat on her lips. Not a devious one but more of a smirk of content, she looked at peace.

“You want to find something to do while we wait around for the next hour or so? There's not much here yet but I'm sure we could find something.” She broke the silence and began walking towards the center of the place, having to get away from standing between the girl's legs. The silence making her wanting to lean even closer so.

“I mean I guess,” Lexa hopped off the counter to follow, “what do you have in mind?”

What did she have in mind? Absolutely nothing, there was nothing to do in her new place. There was nothing there but appliances and clothes and nothing of the sorts of entertainment. She looked over at Lexa who had moved to sit on her bed about ten minutes ago, cross-legged and playing with her hands, looking bored out of her mind. Clarke cursed herself mentally, this isn't how she wanted the girl to spend her Saturday, she had to think of something fast, because watching this beautiful girl sit there was only enjoyable for one side of the duo. There wasn't much to do in her apartment right now, though, with mostly everything still packed away and her furniture across town. Her eyes lit up when she realized that they didn't actually have to stay in the apartment.

“Hey, Lexa?” She called to the girl and smiled when her head popped up and looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

“Do you like hot chocolate?”

The girls face broke out into a wide grin, her greens eyes sparking and nodding fervorously. Clarke couldn't help but swoop at the action, her chest warm and hands tingling when she went to grab her jacket off the far wall.

“I know just the place, it's a walk but we have time.” She watched Lexa clamber over hastily and slip into her letterman jacket, which even on her was too big and hung around her small frame. Chuckling at the sleeves that fell past her arms and made her look like a penguin, she reached out and flicked off the lights, leaving them in only the sun streaming in through the windows. Casting a light blue glow against everything, making Lexa look soft and warm as she stared at Clarke, waiting for her to leave first.

“Come on, Oswald, let's go get you some cocoa,” she opened the door, holding it as the girl slipped out beside her with a confused grin.

“Oswald?”

“Oswald Cobblepot,” she clarified, grinning at the taller girl who kept that confused look on her face, waiting for further explanation.

“Batman?”

It took the brunette only two more seconds before she gasped and glared at her while they headed towards the destination Clarke was setting.

“Are you calling me a Penguin?” She could see the glare still focused on her but couldn't help but also notice the amusement dancing behind the girl's eyes. Or the way she ducked further into the collar of the letterman, almost like a turtle, maybe penguin wasn't the best description anymore.

“Maybe, why? Would you rather, Mr. Popper?” She chided, small grins forming on both of their faces as they walked further along the sidewalk. It might be early but the sun was still low and a light fog lay over everything as it usually did. Casting everything to the imagination but fifteen feet in front of them. The streetlights were small blurs in the low cloud, doing nothing but guiding their path from the sky.

Lexa shoved her with her shoulder gently, stumbling her, but playfully so, “jerk.” It was mumbled from the lining of the collar and she could help but swoon at the soft eyes peeking back at her, even in the early light they still shone a lively green.

The walk took them across town, a heavy distance but not long enough. She enjoyed the time with the taller girl, where their sides brushed every few steps, or when their arms would link to fight the cold, or just the ever present warmth radiating from the girl beside her. Making her want to hold on and never let go, wanting to be smothered in the girl and her soft touches and subtle glances and the smell of pine and cinnamon. Clarke loved the idle conversations they would have, never about anything in particular but they were always engaging and jubilant. Full of expressions and hand gestures and laughter.

She was enamored by her.

“Where are we going?” It was the third time she had asked and Clarke couldn't help but chuckle, she wouldn't let up.

“If you _must_ know, if it is just killing you _that_ badly.” She began and Lexa's eyes lit up, gaining a little bounce in her step and she watched the blonde.

“It's a small cafe that my friend Harper owns, she used to babysit me when I was little and after she graduated she opened it up. That was after she got married and was financially stable to do so, of course. She was just lucky enough to find someone like Monroe who shared the same dream as her.”

“That's amazing,” she heard from beside her and looked over to see mesmerized eyes fixed on the ground, “you always hear of people being able to accomplish their dreams but it's cool to actually know one. It's really inspiring.”

“What's your dream?” Her voice floated between them in the quiet morning air, the fog had lifted slowly but they sky was still overcast. She wouldn't have it any other way, especially with how the small breeze picked up the loose strands of Lexa's small curls or how it made her eyes seem ten times more illumined against the haze around her.

“My dream?” She questioned, taking a hesitant moment to ponder, “I'm not sure really, which is funny because aren't all people my age supposed to have this figured out by now? But honestly, I really like the idea of interacting with children, teaching them or helping them in some way. Maybe a psychiatrist? Or a teacher or counselor, I want to help out in a community. And having someone like Avery in my life has really brought that to my attention more often than not.”

Who was this girl? Clarke had never met someone so selfless and kind, so gentle, nurturing. Someone who looked at the world with wide eyes and an open heart and mind. Someone who didn't see the harsh places and miskept neighborhoods or the gangs and the drugs and the wars. She saw loving children as they raced across the street with their friends, she saw tired grandmas chatting together in small porches, she saw running dogs and overzealous teachers and the hundreds of kites flying in the sky every afternoon. How could such a compassionate being ever exist and survive in a cruel and harsh world? Clarke looked at her mesmerized, her heart was warm, not fluttering or fast but it was thrumming and it ignited her chest and flowed through her veins and all the way to her fingertips. The girl kept glancing at her from over her glasses, her nose red and breaths coming out in small puffs of white.

She realized that maybe she was taking too long to reply so she quickly nodded and stammered, “that's… just… wow, Lex,” she had to clear her throat and loop her arm into the taller girls. Who quickly accepted the gesture, bending her elbow and placing her hand into a pocket, as to keep the blonde's grasp secure, “you're incredible.”

The girl's nose darkened under its already red tip, the faint color spreading to her cheeks. A hand was placed on top of her arm that was looped through Lexa’s, as the hold of the girl tightened.

Her senses were on fire, burning.

“No one’s ever said that before,” she heard the sentence whispered, but in the silence of the morning it sounded like thunder and it crackled straight into her heart.

“Well it's true, you _are_ incredible, unbelievable really, and _beautiful_.” Her tongue slipped on the last word but it was too late to retract so she continued quickly, “I don't know how no one else can see it but you are truly mesmerizing, Lexa.”

She didn't think the girl’s face could have gotten any redder. Her cheeks were sore from the amount of grinning she had already done that weekend so she tugged the girl to walk faster.

“Come on, we're almost there.”

The cafe being small was an exaggeration. It was _tiny_ , there was barely enough room for the three tables that sat against the walls but yet the place was booming. With a line basically going out the door and people withstanding the cold to sit at the tables around the building, just to have a chance at drinking their warm beverage. What Clarke failed to mention was that it was also maybe one of the most well-renowned cafes in town, their drinks were to die for and any resident would know that. Expect Lexa of course, who never went out for coffee, as she was more of a “tea person”, who mentioned this to Clarke on several occasions. But no one would turn down a mug of hot chocolate and during this time of year that was basically treason.

For its small size, it was still quite homey and warm, the busy bodies fogging up the windows along with Lexa's glasses as they walked in. Clarke chuckled at that and Lexa was quick to snatch them off and wipe them clean.

But _holy_ _hell_.

Those few seconds of a lenseless Lexa was probably the most alluring sight she had ever seen. The wide frames hid her prominent cheekbones and dark lashes, they hid the small scar that nicked the edge of Lexa's eyebrow, and they dulled the small specks of gold tracing her green iris’. When the glasses were slid back into place along the bridge of her nose, Clarke couldn't help but keep staring. This girl was fucking divine and she could not comprehend how she was the only one that saw this. That saw this absolute _angelic_ figure standing before her. A small smile graced the girl’s lips as she broke eye contact to look around the cafe.

The cafe. Right.

When she was able to tear her gaze from Lexa, who was still hooked onto her arm gently, her eyes glanced around the familiar place. It was brick, a lot like her apartment, with similar lighting fixtures. The counter sat in the middle of the far wall across the doors from them, where she spotted Monroe ringing up the customer before her. The small woman had her hair braided back into a ponytail, a bright smile plastered on her face as she exchanged with the man. Harper worked to put the orders together beside her, Clarke watched the taller of the two move around their small kitchen, casually brushing a hand along the other woman's shoulder or hip. A friendly gesture to those who didn't know their true relationship, it made Clarke giddy to think she could have something like that one day.

The steam that made the air damp and created most of the condensation on the windows came from the two espresso machines lining the counter, along with the drip coffee ones sitting on the opposite. The place made a lot of profit, allowing them to have such extravagances and she caught Lexa leaning from foot to foot in anticipation. Her green eyes flicking back and forth around the shop until finally resting on blue ones. She squeezed the brunette's arm as they finally stepped up to place their orders.

“Clarke!” The small woman beamed when she finally glanced up from the register, “oh my god, I haven't seen you around here in ages. I would come out and give you a hug if we weren't so busy. What brings you in?”

“Just looking for some warm drinks in this hellish weather we have.” She felt Lexa drop her arm and her heart fell a little, her side cold without the constant affirmation of the brunette.

“Isn't everyone? I'm surprised it hasn't snowed, yet, if I'm being honest.” The woman glancing out the wide windows that encircled the building, “anyways, who’s your friend here? I don't think I've seen her around, and you both seem to be sporting some very fancy dress wear.” She just then remembered that both her and the brunette were still in their pajamas and she wanted to laugh.

“Oh, this is Lexa,” she gently placed her hand on the girl's arm, “Lexa, Monroe, Monroe, Lexa,” she pointed between the two with her opposite hand, before she slid her grasp down the taller girl’s arm and back against her own side.

“It's nice to meet you, Lexa,” Monroe smiled at the girl, who stood with wide eyes, staring at the short woman.

She grinned shyly after a moment, casting her gaze away, “you as well.”

When her green eyes were trained away from them, Monroe met Clarke's gaze and winked, causing the tips of her ears to light up and her eyes to harden into a playful glare. Of course, Monroe knew her way too well not to notice.

“So what can I get you two?”

“Just some hot chocolates, please.”

“You got it.” She waved her away as Clarke reached for her wallet, “it's on us.”

Monroe turned and shouted at the hidden figure behind the espresso machines, “Babe! Two _HC’s_ for Clarkey and her friend here.”

Harper's head popped up from the machines, smiling widely at Clarke as she nodded a greeting, “coming right up.”

“So, _Clarkey_ , huh?” Lexa smiled into her mug as she looked at Clarke from across the small table they were able to snatch inside. Her green eyes danced and she couldn't help but groan.

“Damn it, Monroe,” she huffed, not meeting the playful eyes.

“What? I think it's cute,” her heart jumped when she looked back up to the sincere eyes before her, of course, she would think that was cute.

“Just please don't go spreading it around, I may just have to skin you.”

The girl grimaced, while looking at the small marshmallows floating around in her cup, “why so graphic, Clarke.”

She shrugged, skin rippling in goosebumps from the smooth way her name rolled off the girl's tongue, ending with a sharp “k” that had her melting into the wooden seat beneath her.

Lexa fell quiet after that, contemplating something behind her jubilant eyes as her fingers wrapped around the warm ceramic surface. Clarke waited, but yet the girl didn't budge.

“Penny for your thoughts?” She brought her own mug to her lips, wrapping them around the edge and fawning at the heavenly liquid that slipped out and grazed her tongue. Coating her mouth with its small, powdery residue that was so worth it due to the warmth and sugary flavor, causing her mouth to water as she pulled it away again.

Lexa didn't speak for a bit more before mumbling, still not meeting her blue eyes as her own furrowed, “Monroe’s a girl.”

“ _Mmhm_ ,” she hummed, looking at the girl curiously when it clicked, “oh, I forgot to mention that, didn't I?”

Lexa nodded, finding the cocoa in her hands very interesting, “and that's… okay with you?”

Her eyes finally flicked up and Clarke held in a breath, surprised, “of course it's okay with me, love is love. Besides,” now it was her breaking the eye contact to look at her drink, “it would be kind of hypocritical of me not to.”

“Hypocritical, how?” Her voice was light and her green eyes watched her carefully, but yet she still dares not look up.

“I'd be lying if I said I didn't fancy a girl every now and then,” she glanced up quickly to get a read on the brunette in front of her and was glad to find nothing but curiosity, and… _relief_?

“But,” she could see the gears turning in the girl's head, “you mentioned having a boyfriend back in high school,” Lexa was confused and yet serious, she chuckled at the adorable expression.

“Can I not like both?”

“Oh,” her green eyes were back down, “I didn't think of that.”

The table was quiet for a moment, and she couldn't quite feel the air around them. It wasn't, tense, but it wasn't peaceful like it usually was either. She looked at the girl in front of her, who was swirling her drink with a spoon and adamantly avoiding eye contact.

“Is it with you?”

“Is what with me?” Green eyes flickered.

“Okay?” She realized now that bringing her to this situation and showing her this side of her life, that she didn't _actually_ know the brunette’s view on the topic. She held her breath while she waited for an answer, her blood ran cold at the thought that she might have crossed a line. That Lexa might be uncomfortable and disgusted at what she was being shown.

Green eyes quickly jumped to blue, a guilty look crossing them, “of course I'm okay with it,” she quickly stammered out and Clarke could breathe again, instantly she felt warm and the hard rock in her stomach lifted to allow the calming sensation of warm cocoa relax her. Lexa looked at her as if she was incredulous and she almost laughed, “it just surprised me is all, and like you said, love is love, right?”

“Yeah,” she murmured after a breath, they both lifted their mugs, holding the gentle contact between them. _Love is love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait, I had finals this week and spent basically everyday studying from morning to night so you could say that my free time was quite limited. I finally finished this chapter so here you go, I might change the every other day posting to a weekly posting. BUT, its a new semester so we'll see.
> 
> Also, I want you guys to know that you are never alone, especially dealing with topics like these, of coming out or not feeling safe where you are for who you are. If you ever want to chat PLEASE feel free to do so with me. You can contact me from below.
> 
> Kik- Chrazer  
> Instagram- lost.heda  
> Tumblr- walkthisway
> 
> AND PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK, I LOOOOVEEE THE READ IT, ITS LITERALLY LIKE CRACK TO ME, EVEN THE SMALLEST COMMENTS


	9. In Her Peripheral

She was into girls.

 _Clarke Griffin_. The literal _goddess_.

Was into girls. She liked girls, and boys, but she liked _girls_.

Lexa's fingers still tingled from the warm mug she left back at the cafe. She could taste the cocoa on her tongue from probably the best hot chocolate she’d ever had, but all she could think about was the two women in the shop who looked utterly entranced by one another. And by the blonde haired girl who stood arm in arm with her as they walked back towards the apartment. She sneaked another glance at the blue eyed girl. Traced her features in detail, from the pleasant, relaxed expression behind her eyes and over her reddened nose, her lips curled slightly when she passed the small beauty mark above her mouth and then froze on the two pink lips that held a calming grin. It's not the first time she would stare at them, or the last, and all she could imagine was capturing them between her own, grazing the woman's bottom lip with her teeth and seeking comfort with her tongue as they explored each other in ways not many would. She imagined this and instead of feeling fearful, instead of feeling her blood run cold every time she thought she went too far. She felt light, hopeful. That _maybe_ , just maybe, she had a chance.

The air outside was still cold but combined with the warm drink in her belly and the heat of the electricity flowing from the figure beside her, she hardly felt it. And the jacket helped, _really_ helped. Like holy shit, what was it made of? She’d never owned anything that blocked out the winter winds like it did, and maybe it was a bonus that every time she pulled it up over her chin that she got a small breath of vanilla and something that she couldn't describe as being anything but _Clarke_.

Clarke, who kept glancing back, who kept catching her eyes and blushing every time they locked, who turned to hide her face even though Lexa knew that it didn't show on her cheeks. It appeared on her ears, soft skin that turned pink around the edges and flowed to the sides of her face. Something was different, more open, the connection between them had shifted and definitely not in a bad way. She was so thankful that Clarke felt safe to tell her things about her life, personal things that most people would shame her for. And she wanted badly to do the same, to spill all that she kept inside, and every time she caught the blue orbs looking back at her, she felt herself drowning, as if she was about to take that step, make the leap. But she couldn't yet, she was scared. So fucking scared which didn't even make sense because Clarke was okay with it. Hell, she was more than okay with it but yet there was still something holding her back.

Maybe someday.

~

The movers were late, but then again so we're they. By the time they got back it was fifteen after twelve and the truck still hadn't shown up. But one phone call later said that they would be there any minute and just got stuck in traffic while trying to get to her old place. Her and Clarke gave each a look at that, this was Lincoln City, there was no traffic, but they rolled their eyes and accepted it. And ten minutes later two guys showed up with a truck full of all the things that wouldn't fit in Clarke’s. They helped where they could but overall, the two men knew what they were doing and had the truck unloaded and into the building by two.

Lexa watched from her doorway as Clarke handed the men what she owed and waved them off with a thank you. Clarke smiled as they left and she saw two similar smiles trace those of the movers, Lexa knew how contagious the girl's grin could be and couldn't help mirroring as said person turned around to trudge back toward her. They met each other's eyes as Clarke slid by her in the small entrance, she felt a hand ghost over her bicep as she passed and it sent a shock down her arm like every touch did. Leaving her fingers buzzing and shoulder warm.

She followed the girl back into the apartment, closing the door to the frigid air outside and taking in the warmth from the candles that were lit around the place and the dim lights that cast a soft glow against everything. The wall to her left now had a medium sized, brown couch facing it, along with a lazy boy off to the side. In between two of the tall windows sat a decent sized television, Clarke had explained it was one of the benefits of working at the Ark. Along the wall of the couch and kitchen, in the opposite corner, sat a turntable, with a shelf stacked of records. Which Lexa couldn't seem to peel her eyes off of, ever since it was brought in.

~

 

“I cannot believe you right now.”

“ _Lexa_ ,” her name was drawled out from across the room but she wasn't hearing it. She sat, facing the television, with an opened box sitting in front of her, ready to be unpacked.

“I’ll never look at you the same again.”

She heard the girl whine as she came stomping over, slumping against her side and leaning her head on the brunette’s shoulder. Lexa could see the start of a pout forming on the girl's face in her peripheral vision, but she refused to fall into the trap of her puppy dog eyes.

“You had this the whole time, and yet you made me feel as if I was actually good.” Her hands roamed over the plastic surface of the console that sat in the box as she pulled it out.

“To be fair, you did actually beat me a couple times,” Clarke was giggling into her shoulder and nothing in the universe could have competed for that feeling. The sporadic jostling of her body and then there was her _laugh_. The only sound for which Lexa could listen to for the rest of her life. It wasn't too high or loud, it was sultry and racked the girl's body gently, usually, it was soft and mostly a handful of quiet breaths but you could tell it was a laugh due to the expression on her face and Lexa loved it. Especially the ones where she couldn't hold them in and _then_ they were loud and sometimes the girl would snort and Lexa couldn't help but join in. Because everything about this girl was contagious, from her laugh to her smile to her small manners as she carried on her day. It flipped Lexa's heart more times than she could remember and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the soul that did it too her.

“ _Wow_ , that makes everything so much better,” she mocked and felt the girl's smile grow in her shoulder.

“Hey, we don't have to play it, I mean if you're just so butthurt about it then-” Clarke lifted her head to look at Lexa and feigned her ignorance on the situation.

“Okay! Okay, fine, let's just play the damn thing,” a small grin was pushing its way onto her face and Clarke noticed.

“Still mad at me?” The blonde lifted her chin playfully, fingertips ghosting along the edge of her jaw until she raised her eyes to blue.

“No,” she frowned, trying to get Clarke to bend but of course it didn't work.

“Good, now come on, the faster we get it hooked up then the faster I can demolish you.” She stood, and lifted the console out of the box to connect it to the small television before them.

Lexa puffed out a small breath of air, that pushed against loose strands of hair until she tucked them behind her ear, “as if.”

~

She was tying the laces to her worn out converse when Clarke finally emerged from the bathroom next to her makeshift living room. After ten rounds of Clarke constantly pulling ahead of Lexa's scores, no matter how much effort she put in, they finally decided that it was time Lexa got going to make her shift at Polis. Her fingers froze against the white woven laces when her eyes caught onto the girl before her. The grey t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms gone, replaced with a simple, and very well fitting, shirt along with a leather jacket and cropped jeans. She swallowed hard, tearing her gaze away from the freshened blonde, whose hair was let down and curled perfectly against her shoulders. Whose smoky eyes smirked when they caught onto the flustered brunette crouched to the floor, hands working fast on her shoe bared feet and cheeks flushed in red.

“Are you sure that you're okay with taking me home first? I really don't want to be a bother,” she pulled the laces tight on her other shoe and stood, proud that her voice had not wavered in the slightest. Though she knew that the rest of her face was a dead giveaway.

“Of course, it's the least I can do for all that you’ve helped me with this weekend, and at the store.” Clarke shyly looked at her and Lexa couldn't help but hold the eye contact, thanking her without words.

When they both turned to head out the door, Lexa hesitated as her fingers went to grasp the fabric of the letterman. Clarke hadn't actually given it to her, she was only being generous for the weekend and for the fact that she hadn't brought her own. But then Clarke seemed to notice when she turned to look back at the girl who hadn't followed her. And before she could argue, the blonde lifted the jacket and held it open, gesturing for Lexa to turn around with a quick flick of her chin. She slid the jacket along her arms and came to stand before her, connecting the ends and zipping it up along the brunette's chest. Reaching up to unfold the collar from the back her her neck and towards the front, Clarke held her grip on the ends of the material.

She was so close, Lexa could feel her hot breaths against her face and the small dots of freckles along the girl's cheeks came into view. Blue eyes were focused below her chin, on the hands that still gripped her collar. She could see the consideration playing out behind the glistening oceans and the small crinkled line that formed between her brows. The line that she wanted to reach up and brush away with the end of her thumb, but instead she stayed still, frozen to the spot as her chest thudded wildly. Clarke's lips were parted, and she could see their slick surface in the dim lighting of the building, it was only a few inches of leaning and she could feel them. Trace them. Taste them.

The blonde tugged on her collar once more before pulling away, finally glancing up to meet her eyes, “you should keep it, it looks better on you anyways.”

“Clarke-”

“Ah,” she held up her hand, “no arguing, it's yours.”

Lexa stood for a couple more seconds, watching the smiling girl in front of her before nodding. The blue eyes looked her over softly until they were walking toward the door again, no longer waiting for the brunette to join, instead, they expected it. And Lexa happily obliged.

“Where exactly do you live?” Clarke shook the keys in the engine before it came to life with a sputter. Lexa climbed in beside her and slammed the door to cut off the goosebump forming, entrance seeking, freezing cold air. “I don't think you ever mentioned,” the girl turned to look at her as the heater picked up. Filling the cabin with more chilly air until it began to warm and settle the shivering couple.

“Oh, it's just a small place on 50th, in that culdesac by Siletz.” She tugged at the ends of the long sleeves of her jacket.

“50th?”

She nodded and Clarke looked at the steering wheel, her hands wringing along its leather edges. She watched the girl process the information and a small smile pulled from her lips.

“You are too much, Lexa,” she chuckled, pulling out of the lot. The tires scraped along the broken road, grinding against the gravel covering the ground.

She hid her smile in the jacket, casting her eyes from the bashful blonde and towards the world outside. The late afternoon casting everything in a bright orange, the calm waters shone bright, reflecting her giddy mood and the light flutter of her stomach. A soft click next to her started the reel of a cassette, the same one from the previous day and she couldn't help but watch as Clarke sang along quietly, her lips mouthing the words and her head dipping to the bass. It made the long drive a little more bearable.

~

“Oh, would you look who showed up. You have a lot of explaining to do, missy.” She stepped in the stuffy theatre, the smell of butter and stale soda filling her head and making her cringe, it wasn't as pleasant like it used to be. The door clicked shut behind her, it's small latch sliding back into the frame and cutting off the winter air. She glanced up from her feet, from the crazy patterned carpet and from her shoes which had holes showing her socks. Behind the counter stood an aggravated Raven, she could tell by the way her jaw was set and the flicker in her eyes. She was _pissed_ , but slightly amused, more for the fact that Lexa had actually shown up and not because she was happy to see her.

“Let's start with A, who the hell was that?” Her brown eyes glanced at the door behind her and at the blue truck that was slowly pulling away, carrying a beautiful blonde and soft music away with it. She opened her mouth to answer but the girl wasn't finished.

“B, what was with that smile?” Raven smirked, causing her to blush and move her eyes to the counter the girl leaned on, not strong enough to meet her gaze but not cowardly enough to look away entirely. “C, the jacket? And D, are you gonna tell me why I had to cover for your ass when your mom called, because she didn't know where you were, and lie through my teeth by saying you were staying at my place? And I'm lucky you're alive, too, because if I lied to your mom _and_ it turned out you got kidnapped or something, I might have just killed you.”

Raven was staring daggers into her head, she could feel them burn along with the chill that spread through her spine. She had forgotten to call her mom and tell her about the previous night's activities. If Raven hadn't covered for her, she's sure that the amount of trouble she's going to be in when she gets home would be ten fold.

“Well?” The girl had crossed her arms.

She swallowed, concealing her rapid breathing and looking back up, neutraling her expression. “Thank you for covering for me, I'm not sure what I would have done if you didn't.”

Raven dipped her head at that and continued to wait for further explanation. Lexa shifted from one foot to the other before finally moving behind the counter with the brunette, slipping the letterman from her arms to hang on the rack.

“Remember how I mentioned that Clarke was moving?” The girl nodded again, “I offered to help the week before last, and last night was her moving day. So, she picked me up after class and I helped move boxes to her place.” To distract herself, she began mindlessly going through her preparations.

“That still doesn't answer where you've been for the entire night and morning.” Raven leant back against the counter to face her, the scowling expression across her eyes had calmed down, almost to an extent where to anyone else, it would look like any other conversation.

“Time kinda got carried away and we fell asleep,” she wouldn't meet the brown eyes that stared at her.

“You slept over at Clarke’s place?” She nodded, “the same Clarke who has you head over heels?”

She shrugged her shoulders and felt the red returning from her nose, until a hand slapped her shoulder and she jumped.

“Get it, Woods. That explains the smile and who dropped you off _and_ I'm guessing that jacket you so obviously didn't want to take off.” Raven was smirking, causing the taller girl to grow redder, if that was even possible.

“It's not like that, Rae,” she mumbled.

“Oh, no, of course not, my bad,” she held her hand to her heart.

“It's not!” She giggled at her friend's behavior, turning to face her.

“Hey,” the girl held her hands in surrender, “I didn't say anything. Although, if you stayed the night, where did you sleep?” She raised an eyebrow and Lexa turned away, wishing she could crawl into a hole and die.

After a few seconds of no answer, Raven gasped, “you didn't.”

“Like I said, it wasn't like that-”

“ _Wasn't like that_?!” Her voice carried through the room louder than expected and she lowered her voice, “wasn't like that? Really? How is sleeping in someone's bed _not_ , like that?”

“It just,” she was growing frustrated. Her and Clarke were not together, nor probably wouldn't ever be, but it didn't hurt to hope and the way her friend was pushing her didn't help, “we just slept, Raven, that's it.”

Though even she knew that was a lie, when she thought back to that morning and remembered the warm weight of Clarke's arm around her stomach, of Clarke's fingers tracing her cheek, of her body being securely pulled into the blonde's chest, or of the light grasp she held on the girl's hand. The hand she had still been holding when she woke up for the second time, and it took every ounce of her being to pull away and get up for the morning. That didn't stop her from sitting on the edge of Clarke's bed for a while, though, admiring the girls frazzled curls lining her face, or how the sun seeped in through the windows and shown her features so brightly. So beautifully. The sun that caused the girl to sleep with the same crinkle on her forehead, the one that she wanted to smooth over with her thumb or a gentle caress of her lips.

She could see the doubt written on Raven’s face, only this girl could tell when Lexa was lying. “Just slept?”

“Among other things,” she shrugged and then turned to face her friend, “none of which you are thinking.”

“Oh, and what would that be? What am I thinking, _Lexa_?” The older of the two stepped forward, leaning into her space with a smirk.

“That I slept with her.”

“But didn't you?”

“Well,” she huffed, “yeah, but not like _slept_ slept with her.”

“God, you're such a dork, Lex. It's called _sex_ , you didn't have sex with her?” Raven rolled her eyes and began helping her set out the bags for popcorn and line the paper cups along the counter.

“No! Raven, I did not have sex with her, how many times do I have to say that?”

“As many times until I actually believe you.”

“Okay, we, _cuddled_ , but that's it! And then this morning we went to a cafe and then went back to her place to play on her Nintendo. Did I mention she has one? She does, which means she was letting me win all those nights at the Ark.” Her face formed a frown and Raven laughed.

“I like how you totally just glazed over the fact that you cuddled with your _crush_ , but whatever, you do you.” The clicking of the reel from upstairs stopped, and loud whispers began to sound from behind the theatre doors.

“Here comes the hoard,” the older girl mumbled, matching Lexa's stance at the counter. The dark eyed girl waited a beat before looking over, she could feel the girl's gaze but decided not to notice.

“You really like her don't you?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, feeling it spread along her face into a goofy grin that she could care less about, “yeah, I do.”

~

“Okay, so, we have Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Return of the Jedi. Which I'll have you know,” she pointed, with the case still in her grasp, at the girl sitting on the couch with her legs crossed, wrapped in an overly fluffy blanket that basically swallowed her whole, “was a bitch trying to take from Avery, she basically watches it every night.”

“My apologies, I did not mean to put a damper on you and your sibling's relationship,” the fluffy pile mocked.

“Shut up,” she laughed, looking back at the movies in hand, “it should be about six and a half hours, back to back. Which would take us to about four in the morning, leaving enough time to maybe sleep for a while.” She looked up from her hands and towards the coffee table, “we got three bowls of popcorn, an entire bag of sour patch kids and skittles, because for _some_ reason, a certain blonde prefers them over M &M’s…” She laughed at the ice cold glare being thrown her way, “we also have a liter of Coca Cola and a liter of root beer. I would say we are all set for a Star Wars marathon. Any questions?”

She finally looked at the lump sitting on the couch, which held a grinning Clarke. Her face looked as if she was questioning whether to make a joke or laugh. Lexa frowned, her shoulders slumping a bit, “what?”

“You're cute,” a grin settled on the blonde's face, though to Lexa it looked more like a smirk.

It had been two weeks since Clarke had moved in and already Lexa felt more at home here than she did her own place. She spent every Tuesday and Thursday evening here instead or the Ark like they used to. It was a lot comfier and both girls felt as if hey could relax here better than at the store. All of the boxes had mostly been unpacked, but still, some sat against the wall. The blonde had hung up white Christmas lights around her bed area and along a few other walls, which Lexa couldn't help but tease her about. Although through fully, they added so much more to the place, not just extra lighting but also a certain unique quality that every time she walked in she couldn't help but smile. They had finally set a date so that Lexa could show Clarke the famed Star Wars collection, which ended up being Saturday night after her shift.

“I am not cute,” she argued, turning around to put the first movie in the VCR.

“ _Hmm_ ,” she heard a hum of consideration behind her. “Nope, sorry, you are.”

A grin couldn't help but form on her lips, she was thankful for the low lighting of the place and the warm atmosphere to hide the obvious red ringing her nose, “am not.”

“Are, too.”

She turned towards Clarke, and glared as best she could, “no.”

“Yes.” She’d never seen such a wide smile on the girl’s face before and she almost broke.

“No,” she lifted part of the blanket off of the girl who was staring at her intently and whined when she let the cold in. But then both settled when she crawled in next to Clarke, tugging both ends of the blanket around them again, successfully cocooning them as the film began to display on the television before them. Lexa couldn't help but let out a small sigh of content when the warm girl beside her leaned closer, curling into her side until she raised her arm, allowing the blonde to fully tuck herself under her chin. Clarke's head rested on her chest and arm wrapped around her midsection. Light fingers played with the fabric of her baby blue button up, causing her to suppress a shiver.

She felt the girl hum against her, the small vibration filling her to the core when her nimble fingers began to brush through the loose strands of blonde hair. That were finally released from their tie and cascading over her shoulders.

Right when the opening credits began to roll, she heard a soft, “yes”, and groaned, smiling into the girl wrapped around her, senses filled with vanilla and old popcorn.

By the time the first movie ended, they were down two bowls of popcorn and had three empty bags of candy beside them. She almost felt sick but in the best of ways, and she was hesitant to get up to change the movie. They had barely shifted positions and were perfectly comfortable as they were, she definitely did _not_ want to break the pocket of warmth they created.

When she finally decided to get up, the arm wrapped around her tightened, fingers curled into her shirt and she giggled, “Clarke, I have to put in the next one.”

“No,” the girl huffed, turning into her until her face was buried in her neck, “don't move.”

“Clarke,” she laughed again, her breath catching at the tickle of her nose, brushing against the soft skin of her neck. She could feel the girl's lips, chapped from the cold and did all she could not the whimper. Prying the girl's arm from around her, she stood up, causing Clarke to slump down into her spot, looking up at her with sad eyes.

“I hate you.”

She hummed while walking over to the television, regretting ever having left, for the apartment, while warm, was still a lot colder than the girl behind her. She instantly craved her warm touch and the grip she had on her waist, she hurried the process to get back as soon as she could, “no, you don't.”

“Just a lil’ bit.”

Lexa looked behind her to see the girl laying on her back, her legs still trailing off the couch while the rest of her was under the blankets, which muffled her voice. She laughed at the hand that was stuck straight into the air, making a pinching motion to show the tiny amount of hate the girl had towards her.

When the movie was all sorted, she walked back and smacked the hand out of the air gently, because she was still holding it up like a dork.

“Sit up you, nerd,” she joked, pushing the girl so that they could resume their previous positions.

“You're so mean to me,” a mumbled whine fell from the girl's lips as she rested her head back on her chest.

“Is that so? Maybe, I should leave then.”

“No,” Clarke wrapped her arms around her again, relaxing her instantly, “don't leave, just watch your dumb movies.”

“Shut up, you loved it.”

“Maybe,” the girl grinned into her chest before turning to face the film again. Lexa raised her arm until it was wrapped around the blonde's back as well, which shuddered under her touch, causing her to smile. She would spend every night like this if possible; warm and giggling and happy. If only she could look into the small oceans of Clarke's eyes every morning, she would die happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's a gay mess and everyone loves it.
> 
> AND WE HIT 400 KUDOS AND 6,000 HITS LAST CHAPTER HOLY SHITTT! I seriously did not expect this to do so well.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Pllleeeaaasssee leave me a comment, I love them! Tell me what you think of the story, what stands out to you, what has you hooked.
> 
> See you next time :)


	10. Red Coated Death Trap

She could do this. It was easy, just a simple question, that's it, nothing to it. Her and Lexa were friends and she wanted to take her _friend_ to go see a movie that was probably one of her most favorite ones of all time so why was she so nervous?

She could _do_ this.

Her feet had been pacing through the small space of her kitchen, from the end of one counter, past the island, and to the other. Only for her eyes to stare at the red phone sitting on the wall, hesitate two seconds, and then her left foot was moving again to make another trip through the area between the countertops.

Working at the Ark had benefits, a _lot_ of benefits. Especially when her family was close friends with the owner, at least back when they could actually have friends instead of being dead or stuck in a home. Her line of work included a good paycheck, bonuses, occasional discounts, and any of the latest news surrounding the media and electronics. So when she was putting up the weekly flyers for the events happening in town, and happened notice that the drive-in was showing _The Outsiders_ on Wednesday, Clarke knew what she had to do.

For probably the fifteenth time, she came to a stop in front of the phone, it's red surface reflecting the yellow lights above and its cord draped along the counter, she was too lazy to wrap it around the hook. Her eyes focused on the yellow sticky note stuck to the wall beside it, with a number scrawled in Lexa’s neat handwriting. The numbers looped and flowed together so elegantly that she still hadn't taken it down even though she had memorized it weeks ago. The younger girl had stuck it there the morning after she moved in, stating that if she ever needed anything to not be afraid and call.

And now she needed something, _badly_ , but it wasn't something she could just state so she had to dance around it. Asking Lexa to attend the movie with her would do that, but she still couldn't shake the unknowing of Lexa's reaction, and how she would take it. She had already outed herself to the girl, and while she said that it didn't bother her, that didn't mean she would be okay with going to the movies with her. Because what if Lexa thought she was asking her out on a date, and as much as she'd love to do that, she did not want to scare the girl off. She already was worried about the amount of time she spent curled up in the girl's arms, stuff like that can only be played off as friendly for so long, and instead of backing off she only wanted more. But she didn't want to make Lexa uncomfortable either, the girl was quiet, she knew that, she loved it, she loved how flustered the girl would get and the shy smiles she would hold. So, she also knew that it wasn't very often when Lexa expressed what she was feeling, like discomfort.

These thoughts were racing through her head as she held a staring contest with an object that had no way losing. Her fingers itched to just grab the item off the wall, to dial the number beside it before she could think twice, before her previous thoughts could cloud her judgment and have her pacing the kitchen once again.

She did just that.

Her fingers traced the worn numbers on the slick buttons as she finally inserted the number and waited for the dial tone. Sweaty fingers tapped against the counter hastily, to no desired tune but just to exert the built up stress that was flowing through her veins. The rapid beating of her heart bringing her closer and closer to the edge of panic and she could hear nothing but her quiet and short breath while her mind was going over the list of outcomes this situation could have. With Lexa never speaking to her again, or never stepping foot into the Ark ever again, or-

“Hello?”

That definitely wasn't Lexa.

The voice was too high, childish, nothing like the quiet rasp of Lexa's tongue or her defined vowels when she spoke.

“Hey, is Lexa Woods there?” She got it out with barely a stutter, trying to keep her words light.

“That's possible, and who might this be?”

It was then that Clarke realized this must me Avery, Lexa’s younger sister. While she worked out how to respond, another sound filtered through, a voice that sounded a lot like Lexa's but far away.

“I'm Clarke, Lexa's friend? I would like to speak with her if that's okay.” Her voice was calmer now, along with the blood coursing through her fingers. Once she started speaking, she realized how ridiculous she had been before, friends go to the movies all the time, she needed to stop making such a big deal about everything.

“Clarke?” The little girl asked, taking a second to consider who she was before a gasp followed along with a loud squeal.

“You mean _Clarke_ , Clarke? Like the Clarke that Lexa hasn't been able to shut up about for the past couple months and especially the last couple weeks? The beautiful blonde who works down at the Ark with bright blue eyes and-”

There was a loud crash that echoed through the line, like a _whoomph_ , and the younger girls words were cut off. A clack followed shortly after, telling her that the phone had been dropped and crashed against the wall from where it hung. She couldn't keep the giggle from her lips when she heard far off scuffling coming from the other end along with small screams that sounded a _lot_ like Lexa and the girl she had just been talking to.

While she waited for someone to pick the line back up, she couldn't help but grin down at her bare feet. Lexa thought she was _beautiful_.

It was only a minute or so before the screaming had died down and she heard the distinct sound of the phone being picked up from where it hung, “Clarke?”

The girl sounded out of breath and she did everything not to laugh, “hello, Lexa.”

“Hey, uh,” she hesitated for a second, “that was Avery, she kinda has a mouth on her, sorry,” she was speaking so fast that Clarke could hardly understand her.

“It's fine, Lexa,” the amusement slipping into her voice as she spoke, her nerves from earlier completely vanished, “not every day that someone calls you beautiful.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” she could see the girls flushed cheeks from here and she smiled, her fingers twisting the curled cord around while the two fell silent for a bit.

Lexa cleared her throat and she perked up, “did you need something? What's up?”

Oh, _right_.

In the small amount of time that the disruption had caused, she'd completely forgot about why she had called in the first place.

“Oh, sorry,” she laughed, hoping the nervousness in the small shake of her hand didn't carry into her voice, “I was actually wondering, well, not wondering, I just wanted to see, to ask, if you had anything going on this Wednesday?”

“None that I can really think of, why?” The girl’s voice was calm, and a lot more put together than what she probably sounded like.

“There’s a movie playing at the drive-in that night and I kinda, maybe, sorta wanted to know if you would like to go to it? With me? It starts at seven and I figured I could pick you up at your place?” Her eyes couldn't decide to focus on anything in particular as she spoke.

The line was quiet for a few moments and Clarke wanted to choke.

“Like,” a pause, “a date?”

“No! No, that's, I mean. Not if that makes you uncomfortable, it's just,” her sentences were more broken than the shattered remnants of the mug she'd dropped last week, which had covered her kitchen floor and she was still finding little pieces of ceramic in every corner, “I figured that you liked movies and I liked movies and it would give us an excuse to do something other than hanging out at my place.”

“I like your place,” it was a small whisper, almost as if she was talking to herself and Clarke couldn't help but laugh as she imagined the small furrow of the girl's brow.

“I know,” her voice was quieter now, softer, as she realized how frustrated and high her tone had gotten earlier, “I just like spending time with you and thought that maybe you would enjoy going to the drive-in. It's totally cool if you don't, I saw the flyer this morning and thought I would ask, though.”

“I would love to, Clarke,” there was that shiver, again, “what movie is it?”

“That is for me to know and you to find out,” she exhaled gratefully, her spine relaxed and her fingers returned to the twiddling of the cord. She wanted to scream but she couldn't do that, not yet anyways, not while Lexa was still on the line.

At her words, a small whine sounded from the other ended, “hey, no pouting. Just know that you'll love it and I'll pick you up at five, okay?”

“I thought the movie was at seven?”

“It is.”

Lexa didn't speak after that, obviously letting the words sink in before she spoke again, “okay.”

“Yeah?” Her heart was racing for the second time but not in the cold sweat kind of way from earlier, now it was thrumming through her and she couldn't help but bounce from foot to foot.

“Yeah,” the girl's voice was sincere.

“Great! So, I'll see you Tuesday?” Maybe her voice was a little too joyful but she didn't care anymore.

“Of course, goodbye, Clarke.”

“Goodbye, Lexa.” And with that the line clicked, ending the connection. Along with the need to suppress her squeals as she began to hop around the kitchen.

She was going to the movies with _Lexa_. And while it wasn't a date, it was still a step and Clarke couldn't have been more thankful or excited for the middle of the week to come.

~

Tuesday was… different. They both hung out like always but there was a constant tension between them that Clarke couldn't exactly figure out. They flitted around each other that evening with shy smiles and small glances. Not much had been said between the two and when Clarke walked back into the living room area after taking a shower, she noticed Lexa curled into the corner of her couch with a book in her lap, and decided she'd had enough of the quiet apartment.

She walked around from the back of the couch, drying her her damp hair with an old purple towel and smiling at Lexa when she glanced up. “Anything interesting?”

The girl's eyes clouded with confusion before flicking down to the book in her lap and back up at her, “it's okay, just another book for class, really.”

Clarke nodded, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from the girl, and setting the towel down on the coffee table. Tucking her feet beneath her, she wrapped her arms around her knees and tilted her head towards Lexa, “are you very far?”

“No, I just started,” the girl unpropped her head from the arm it rested on, moving to put the bookmark back between the pages.

“Oh,” she watched Lexa attempt to put the book away but stopped her, “you don't have to do that, I don't mind.”

“I don't want to just sit here and bore you, Clarke,” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“You could read it to me,” she offered, not really knowing why but just that she wanted to hear the girl’s voice. Usually, the silence between them was peaceful, comfortable. But right now it was eating away at her and causing her to play with the tears in the seams of the cushions.

“Read it to you?” Lexa almost looked scared and Clarke regretted her words instantly.

“It was just a suggestion,” she cut in quickly, “you don't have to.”

Lexa sat there for a second, turning the book in her hands, it's edges were frayed and torn, the cover barely recognizable due to the years and years of hands that passed over it. She watched the girl slip the book open again, fingers flattening out the pages with a crinkle as her other hand removed the bookmark. “You might be a little lost.”

“That's fine, I don't mind.” Her lips had curled into a grin as she watched the girl hesitantly glance from the book and back to her.

“Okay.”

And then the girl slowly began to voice the words written along the pages, and Clarke was entranced. The story didn't mean much to her ears but the way that Lexa curled the words over her tongue and spoke so smoothly, she couldn't tear her gaze away. Her expressions changed with what she read, they reflected what was happening in the story and sometimes they would portray how she felt during a certain scene. Lexa's tone would change with certain characters, and sometimes she would use a different voice that would have Clarke giggling and Lexa smiling shyly. She read for hours, page after page in the warm space of her apartment, she craved the way the girl felt so comfortable in her place. So carefree and relaxed, she reveled in the fact that she could provide that for the girl, no matter how her home situation was.

She must have dozed off at some point during Lexa's reading, her quiet but sultry tone drawing her into a peaceful sleep, with her feet stretched along the confines of the cushions and her head against the arm of the couch. The last thing she remembered that night were strong arms wrapping around her back and in the crook of her knees. She’d felt herself be hoisted up into the air with her head lying against the girl's chest like it had many times before, brown curls tickled her cheek as the figure beneath her walked away from the couch and toward what she could only guess was the bed area.

Clarke clung to the girl's shirt when she placed her into the soft sheets, her fingers tugging at the light material and causing a small laugh to escape from the girl's throat. A gentle grip matched her’s and untangled each finger from the material until her arm was being placed against her own stomach. Followed by the blanket that usually lays along her mattress, nimble fingers tucking it around her sides and pulling it towards her chin. She cracked her eyes open slowly, they were heavy with sleep and she was barely aware of her actions or the other girls.

She met kind green eyes and smiled, “Lex.”

“Hey,” a hand tucked the hair back behind her ear and she wanted to reach out and grasp it in her own but she couldn't even tell where her hands were at the moment, nor feel them. “Get some sleep, okay?”

“But,” she whined, her sentences were tangled in her head and she was having a hard time of getting them out, “I- I gotta take you home.”

She finally found her hand and went to wrap it around the girl's wrist, holding her close. “It's okay, I can walk.”

“No, it's too-”

“Clarke,” she was speaking so calmly and Clarke wanted to pout, “I'll be fine, I do it all the time and honestly I don't trust your driving abilities right now.” She chuckled and Clarke traced her wrist with her thumb, curving around the small protruding bones and along her tendon, the skin was soft and she almost pulled the girl down to lie beside her.

When she made no move to answer, Lexa sighed and bent down, tucking the other side of her hair behind her ear. In the dark, Clarke could see how close she had become, her neck was only a few inches from her face and she could smell the soft essence of pine, the fragrance radiating off of the girl's jacket. Soft lips grazed over her forehead and along her hairline, the very ghost of a kiss that held such meaning and felt so strong that she wished she was more present in her state of mind to truly enjoy it.

“Goodnight, Clarke,” it was a whisper and the warm air brushed against her face, making her shiver and audibly swallow.

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

And then the presence was gone, and the lights slowly flickered off, and with the click of her door, all that was left to hear were the soft murmurs of the distant ocean and quiet creaks, humming through the building. Until her sleep heavy eyelids closed again and accepted the warmth spread from her chest to her core, and down to the tips of her fingers and toes.

~

Clarke's nerves were racing when her knuckles rapped against the hard surface of Lexa's door. It was wooden but coated in a material that made her knocks sound like gunshots echoing through the house. She cringed at the loud sound while waiting for it to open toward the interior.

Soft shouts sounded from the other side, getting muffled from the barrier between her and the inside and she chuckled. Trying to calm herself down as the thudding of footsteps drew closer until she saw the handle turn and the door swung open with a slight squeak of its old hinges.

There before her stood a small girl with a vast resemblance to Lexa. Her hair thrown up into a ponytail and feet encased in black socks, that seemed to be causing her to slide along the tiled floors of the entryway. The small frame of the girl was hidden by an almost too big, wool sweater, with patterns of purple and blue, which complemented the light blue jeans fit to her lower half. Clarke almost burst into a laugh when she watched the girl's face turn from a giddy grin and into a scowl, trying too hard to act intimidating.

“Hi, you must be Avery,” she smiled, bringing her hands together in front of her.

The girl raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms, her stance and behavior couldn't stop reminding her of Lexa and she was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Though there weren't many things about her that were straight, anyways.

“And you, Clarke?” Her voice was a lot more formal than it was on the phone when she nodded, impressed.

“I am, I'm actually here to get Lexa?” She leaned to the side, raising her eyebrows in question while wringing her hands slightly.

“I know,” the girl stared her down for a few for moments, and the earlier easiness of the situation began to fade when she realized that maybe this girl’s attitude was not just a ruse.

But then the girl broke, her frown splitting into a cheeky smile that rose her cheeks towards her eyes, which were a beautiful and rich, caramel brown, unlike her sister’s blazing green ones, and they shone with the excitement playing behind them. She let out a breath that she didn't realize she'd been holding, the tightening in her chest dissipating until she could mirror the smile of the little girl, hesitant so.

“Oh, wow,” the girl was laughing now and Clarke frowned, “you are too easy, you shoulda’ seen the look on your face.”

She was clutching her knees and Clarke pouted, she did not come here to be made fun of by such a small person. When Avery noticed her hesitant stance she rolled her eyes and lunged forward, clutching onto her hand and pulling her through the doorway abruptly, “come on, don't just stand there.”

Clarke followed the girl in, not having much choice by the gentle but firm grip being woven through her fingers. She was dragged through the main part of the house, the tiles beneath their feet changing to a dark green, matted carpet as it opened up into a living room with a kitchen off to the side. The house was warm, much warmer than the chill she had come from outside, which was mostly due to the lit fireplace opposite their brown and tan knitted couch. The walls were made of wooden paneling, encasing the warmth to the confines of the space, making it almost stuffy, but she didn't mind.

The girl dropped her hand when they were further into the house, and flopped onto a light, indigo armchair. Leaving her to stand in the center of the living space, on a striped green and brown rug, that almost blended with the carpet itself.

“Lexa's still in her room getting ready, she had another run in with that stupid Wallace kid, so, you know,” she waved her hand at the subject as if to drop it.

“Wallace kid?” She looked down at her hands, racking her brain for any mention of that name before but none came up.

The girl’s face seemed to pale, almost like a misdemeanored child who had just gotten caught, “he’s just a boy that goes to her school. Did you like the Stars Wars movies? Lexa never got around to telling me what your reaction was the night she so rudely stole them from me.”

She felt like she had whiplash from how quickly the girl changed subjects but she caved, it was no use trying to backtrack to an obviously unwanted topic. Clarke found herself settling down on the couch beside her, it was hard unlike her own, and uncomfortable, but she persevered as she turned to respond to the girl.

“I actually enjoyed them a lot, which is weird ‘cause I'm not really into those Sci-Fi type films.”

The girl gasped and Clarke almost thought she wounded the poor child, “not like Sci-Fi? Who even are you?”

She laughed at the girl's boisterous reaction, “hey! I said I liked the movies!”

“Yeah, but,” the girl pouted at the floor before whispering, “Sci-Fi? Really?”

She shrugged, leaning further into the couch behind her, “I’m more of a horror fan.”

Avery grimaced, “oh no, I couldn't do those. Last time I saw one, I think it was Poltergeist? I can't recall the title, but what I do remember is not being able to sleep in my own bed for almost a month. Lexa was so annoyed that she banned me from ever watching anything scary, again.” She laughed quietly and Clarke smiled at it. That sounded exactly like Lexa.

“Really? With the way you stared me down at the door, I would have thought you’d toughen through it. And with how highly Lexa speaks of you, I would expect a little more gusto,” She chided, and Avery glared at her amusedly, but even Clarke could see the spark of pride shining behind her eyes at the mention of her older sister.

“One would think, but anyways. Tell me about your thoughts on _The Return of the Jedi_ , can you believe that Anakin's face looked like that?” Her face turned distorted in a disgusted frown and Clarke giggled before she answered. This girl wasn't too bad, and just watching the way she talked and presented herself, Clarke could see small traces of Lexa in almost all of it. Which made her heart even warmer and her chest even tighter at the discovery.

Lexa found them a couple minutes later, so lost in a conversation that Clarke didn't even notice the girl standing in the hallway, watching them with a small smile on her lips. That was until Avery went to continue towards another topic and Lexa stepped in, catching the blonde's gaze and making her subtle grin boom into a wide smile. The younger of the three followed her eyes to her sister and matched the smile.

“You two seem to be getting along,” the girl walked closer to them, leaning her hip on the armchair which Avery rested, and Clarke couldn't tear her eyes away. Just like every time she saw the girl, who was dawning a warm green sweater and her usual high tops, whose hair was free of its braids and cascaded down her left shoulder, her attention had a hard time shifting back to the conversation taking place before her.

“Lexa!” The younger girl’s voice was excited as it had been, only more so since she noticed the green eyed girl. “Did you know that Clarke has a radio? Not like one that plays music but like one of those cool cop ones,” she was bouncing in her seat and Lexa's smile only grew.

“I did, I helped her set it up a couple weeks ago,” her arms folded together and Avery's eyes widened.

“No way, you have to show it to me!” She turned her head back to Clarke, “Lexa got me a walkie talkie for my birthday and I could talk to you through it!”

Clarke looked over at Lexa who was ducking shyly, not meeting her eyes. She had seen the girl looking at the walkie talkies in her store on several occasions and wondered what her fascination with them had been, but now she knew. She also knew that they could rack up to over a hundred dollars and wondered how Lexa was able to get one for the younger girl. But knowing her, she would give her all for this kid, if not by the way her eyes looked fondly on the young one but by the way she spoke of her. She would have thought Avery was her own daughter if she didn't know any better.

Avery was still chatting away but the two of them had tuned out, only engaging enough to give small nods or hums of agreement. Lexa had decided to finally look up and meet her eyes, green locked with blue and she tried to pour as much understanding into her eyes as she could. The brunette's lips turned at the edges and she dipped her head slowly, keeping the contact between them that seemed to be unbreakable before a tiny hand was smacking her arm gently and yet rapidly.

“Clarke, Clarke! Are you two even listening to me?” She whined, a pout protruding from her lips.

“We're all ears, Ave,” Lexa chuckled, glancing at Clarke from where she had turned to face the kid. A glance that spoke without words, as if to say that this is just how the little girl was, nothing they could do about it, nor would they ever want to.

“Okay, yeah, sure you were, but whatever. I was just saying you guys should head out.” The girl had rolled her eyes more times than Clarke could count and had then slumped back into the chair holding her.

When she glanced over at the clock hanging above the fireplace, she noted that it was almost half past five. Sitting up and then stretching out her legs below her until she was completely vertical, she nodded, “yeah, we probably should.”

“I thought the movie didn't start til seven, though?” Lexa furrowed her brow, which scrunched her nose and lowered her wired frames.

“It does,” Clarke moved forward and slid the glasses higher along the bridge of her nose. “But I thought that we could get ice cream first before we go.” She moved her hand from the eyewear and tucked some of the girl’s loose strands behind her ear. Lexa had small ears that almost seemed out of place if they didn't look so damn adorable.

She watched Lexa's eyes shine behind her glasses, not much of her expression changed besides the relaxation of her brows but Clarke could still tell the shift in her demeanor. If she was holding the girl's hand she was sure she would have felt a heightened heartbeat at the new information of their situation.

“ _Ice cream_? No fair!” A small voice from behind them broke her thoughts away from the girl that had gotten much closer than expected.

Clarke turned away, feeling as if she could breathe a little easier now, “yup,” she popped the _p_ , “are you a fan?”

“Who _isn't_ a fan of ice cream?” The girl jumped up to stand in her seat, incredulous and looked at her as if she was crazy, which made her chuckle.

“Well, I wouldn't be opposed to you coming along, if,” she noticed the stiffening stance of the older sister, “that's okay with Lexa. I'm sure that we have time to take you and bring you back before the movie.”

Two sets of eyes turned towards said girl but she was only focused on one set of blue, “are you sure?”

The girl looked almost surprised and she tilted her head confused, “of course, she's your sister, I'd love to get to know the person who you never shut up about,” she smiled at Avery whose expression matched her own, “and who knows, maybe I'll like this one better.” She wrapped her arms around the shoulders of the small girl's frame and gave them a squeeze.

“See, Lexy? She wants me to go!” The small girl put on her best pouty face and Clarke mirrored, resting her chin on the little one’s shoulder to look at the green eyed girl.

“Yeah, _Lexy_ ,” she almost broke at the glare sent her way, “I want her to go, can she, _please_?”

Lexa flicked from both sets of eyes boring into her and smiled, “of course you can. I just wanted to make sure that Clarke was okay with it.”

“I am more than okay with it. Come on, kiddo, last one in the truck only gets one scoop,” she released the girl's shoulders and patted her on the back lightly, to signal for her to hop down.

With a gasp, Avery launched off the chair and into the hallway to get her shoes and jacket. Leaving the two of them behind to wait in the living room.

“You don't have to do this, Clarke,” Lexa tried again, glancing at her as they were standing side by side.

“I know, but I want to,” she looked over to catch the hesitant green eyes, reaching out to delicately take the girl's hand and entwine their fingers. Her core swooped when Lexa grasped back tightly, “I want to get to know those who are important to you.”

Softening, Lexa’s gaze widened, opening up so that Clarke could see the forming tracks of tears in the girl's eyes until she blinked and turned away. The girl had looked so vulnerable in that moment that Clarke couldn't help but run her thumb along the back of the hand that was still tangled in her own. Lexa cleared her throat and smiled at the floor, her eyes shifting to their joint fingers every so often until her lips whispered quietly, “okay.”

Squeezing her hand one last time before moving to the door, she echoed gently, “okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally twice as long but I figured it would be best to keep it to the confines of the other chapters.  
> I know.  
> I'm sorry.  
> I'm just a glutton for scrutiny, BUT this also means that next chapter will be up quicker, so?? Win win? Maybe? Idk.
> 
> Enjoy!! And leave feed back please! How are you enjoying it? Fluffy enough? What did you think of Clarke and Avery's first meeting?


	11. Pistachio Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK

The ride to the parlor in the middle of town was full of chatter and laughter between the two girls sitting beside her. Avery sat, squeezed between both Clarke and Lexa, in the cabin of the small truck. With barely enough room for the three, the younger girls elbows dug into their sides but no complaint was voiced during the duration of the short journey. 

Lexa watched and smiled quietly at the endless flow of conversation coming from her left. Avery was known for her enthusiastic, boisterous attitude, and instead of getting annoyed or ridiculing the small girl, Clarke matched her smiles and expressions, she mirrored the girls excitement and met each joke, each idea, each sentence with equal fulfillment that Lexa could see the growing glee, written across her little sister's face. Though the ride was short, as they were only going a couple blocks until they reached the busy bodied portion of their small town, she didn't think she'd ever seen her sister warm up to a person so quickly.

Sure, the girl was only six when she had first been introduced to Raven, but the way Avery interacted with Clarke was none like she'd seen before. The both of them were all smiles and giggles, shoulder bumping and jibes. Lexa couldn't break the smile that stretched across her lips, it was getting to the point where it almost hurt so she tried to force the grin to a small curl of her lips, but her skin still buzzed and each breath she took felt warm and crisp and just, enlightened. Happy.

Her eyes would travel from the passing trees and buildings just beyond the window towards the people beside her. Towards the woman whose hair was loose and twirling in the air from the breeze creeping in through their cracked windows. The woman whose features seemed to gleam against the setting sun, orange rays casting small shadows along her eyelids and the bridge of her nose and the small freckles peppered around her cheeks and down towards her chin. Whose smile was wide and bright and shown her teeth peeking out from behind her stretched lips, chapped in the cold weather. Whose eyes bounced from the young girl between them before returning to the road and back, blue eyes that seemed to mirror the ocean behind her, pools of cerulean and indigo dancing in waves around dark irises.

Blue eyes that met her's for only a fraction of a second before they would switch back to the wet pavement crawling underneath them.

Lexa was having a hard time thinking, breathing, doing about anything but smiling shyly and buzzing with the warm feelings pumping through her fingertips and into her wrists and along her arms and chest and legs and all the way down to her toes. 

The downtown area of where they lived wasn't like most cities, with tall skyscrapers and loud cars, the smell of burnt fuel and carbon filling the air. It was quiet, serene. The tallest buildings barely covered two stories and the sector of the town only stretched six blocks, with small shops lining the streets and a cafe on almost every corner. Sometimes it was a pizzeria but they weren't as popular in the newly cold weather.

The ever present, heavy fog that lay over their town turned it's vibrant colors to more saturated, duller ones. The banners and neon signs turned pale, more pleasant for the eyes. Opening signs that hung in the windows spread a light glow along the mist surrounding it, making the damp and chill breeze seem warmer. As her eyes traced along ridges in the sidewalk and the glass of fogged over windows, she was surprised that it hadn't snowed yet, usually, they were getting the white, powdery ice particles at the beginning of November. But here it was, late December, and the ground still lay dry.

Well, dry as in _not frozen_. For the skies were clouded with pouring rain and thundering lighting more than they were clear. She had seen the sun shine brightly in the baby blue sky maybe twice in the past couple of weeks.

Clarke pulled to a stop shortly after, parallel to the sidewalk after a couple failed attempts. Lexa's giggles died in her throat after having blue eyes shoot daggers in her direction once the engine shut off. Looks like the older girl wasn't perfect at everything, though she already knew that if proof of the girl’s burnt toast wasn't enough. Lexa hadn't let Clarke anywhere near the kitchen after that, arguing that she'd rather have to cook every night than help the girl move into yet another building.

She's not quite sure how Clarke could have survived if she hadn't come along, living off of T.V. dinners and take out wasn't the best or healthiest lifestyle. 

“Hey, Clarke?” Avery chimes up after having slid from the truck's interior, her shoes scuffing against the pavement behind the blonde.

Lexa slammed her door shut gently before covering the distance around the hood and joining them on the sidewalk. 

“What's up, kiddo?” She locked her door and slid the keys into the pocket of her blue vest. One she seemed to frequent every so often after Lexa helped her move in.

“Did you know that Lexie is in _love_ with waffles?” The girl turned her head slightly to throw an evil smirk in her older sister’s direction. 

Lexa had found herself walking behind the two and she glared at her sister, “I am not!”

But her voice collided with Clarke's as they spoke up at the same time, “Oh, is she now?”

Her heart skipped in her chest when she noticed the blonde smirking towards her as well. Pouting, she folded her arms over her chest, the sweater she adorned wasn't as warm as she’d hoped and the chilly air had begun to seep in, “I don't _love_ waffles, you can't love inanimate objects.”

She could see Avery roll her eyes and whisper something to Clarke which ended in the blonde giggling. Even if it was at her own extent, Lexa wouldn't mind hearing that sound for the rest of her life. When her sister noticed her still present frown she blew out an exaggerated puff of air, groaning slightly in the process.

“Tell that to the waffles, you have them literally every morning.” They came to an intersection and had to wait for the road to clear so they could cross. The younger girl turned toward her, eyebrows raised as if she knew what she was doing and was only pushing the point further. 

“ _Every_ morning is a little excessive, you made me that bagel just the other day.” She stared down at the girl, “and I make Clarke breakfast on the weekends, not once have I made her waffles.”

“Well, actually-”

She raised her hand to hover above the blonde’s mouth who stood behind her, eyes never leaving the younger girl, “schematics are not important right now, Clarke.”

“Okay, first of all,” Avery raised her arm to point at Lexa, eyes switching between both of the older women before continuing, “I made you that bagel because we were _out_ of Eggos, and as far as I can remember, you got more that very same _night_.”

She heard the blonde chuckle behind her and it took all the will she bestowed to not turn around and glare. “And second, just because Clarke does not own any Eggos does not excuse you from this." 

The street had cleared of any traffic and they set out to cross it, making timely speed as another car had started to head their way. Lexa huffed, watching her shoes pick up gravel along the old and shambled road until they crossed back onto the sidewalk. The multi colored streamers and potted flowers no longer enlightening her mood as she realized that she’d lost the small scrimmage.

“Come on now, give her a break,” she perked at Clarke’s calmer tone cutting in, her lips grinning softly when she glanced from the ground and into vibrant blue eyes. “ _Love_ might be a little overzealous, maybe adore? Idolize? Worship?”

“ _Clarke_ ,” she was whining again but she honestly didn't care as she only wanted to get her point across, “you're only making it worse.”

“No, I think she's onto something here. Please, elaborate, Clarke,” her sister snarked with a wicked smirk and a triumphant expression adorning her features.

She glared at the blonde who now walked beside her, her face was split into a shit eating grin and she could tell that the blonde was only mere seconds from bursting out laughing, “I hate you guys.”

Avery nudged her opposite side, “nah, you love us.” Her caramel eyes were gleaming from Clarke backing her up, it wasn't very often she got the upper hand with her sister. 

“No, she loves waffles,” Clarke winked and Lexa sunk into herself in defeat, this was going to be a long evening.

~ 

The ice cream shop was owned by an elderly couple who had lived in town since they were children. Too old to stand on their feet and serve people all day, they tended to hire high schoolers to keep the young vibe of the place alive, as well as support the youth in the community.

The small shop was in a grass lot between two of the bigger buildings in town, it's abnormal size causing it to stand out. It would look out of place if not for the fact that it'd been here longer than most of the residents who resided in their town. The place was tiny, barely filling the center of its land space, and surrounded by outdoor seating. It was decored it bright red and white paint, striped trimming rimmed its edges and the windows held the art of local artists in town, ranging from silly cartoons to vast and stunning landscapes. Most parlors would close during the winter, as ice cream wasn't much of a delicacy when the weather matched its temperature. But this one had open doors all year long no matter the season, making it just that more unique compared to everything else.

When they stepped in, they were greeted with the sickeningly sweet smell of sugar and cream with a side of the warm waffle cones that stacked along the back wall. Lexa watched Avery jump from foot to foot, excitement coursing through her small frame as she eyed the numerous amount of choices before her. It was a rare occasion when they could come down here to get something and it had been months since the last time.

She looked up to see her classmate, Miller, standing behind the register. His real name was Nathan, but he preferred to go by his last ever since she'd known him.  A white apron strung across his chest and one of those dorky pink cone hats sitting atop his buzzed head, looking as if it was about to fall off. She smiled at him when the door closed behind them and they stepped up to the counter, the gesture being returned by the boy. He was a nice kid, more of a jock than an academic, which is how she had come to help him in his studies on more than one occasion. She'd even offered to be his tutor but he had denied, saying he would never have time in his schedule to fit her in. Understandable due to his job and football practices.

“Lexa,” he greeted them, “haven't seen you around for awhile.”

“Yeah, I've been too busy with school and work to find time to squeeze in a treat every once in awhile.

“I can get that,” his smile was warm and sincere, he was one of the only people in her school that didn't bully nor tolerate it. Being one of the most honest people she knew, she found herself gravitating towards him whenever they shared classes, he acted as a buffer towards all of their peers and she was ever more grateful for that.

His kind expression turned to more of a frown, eyebrows coming together with a look of concern. “Hey, I saw what happened with Cage earlier today, are you okay?" 

Her blood ran cold at that, veins turning to ice and stiffening her figure when she discreetly glanced over at the blonde who was idly listening to their conversation. She watched Clarke’s brows furrow together in concern but more as if she was curious to what he meant.

She shrugged, waving the girl off with a smile before turning towards the questioning boy. “It was nothing, I'm used to it by now." 

“You know that you can always come to me if you need anything right? Don't hesitate to ask,” his concern was still present but she watched as he tried to alleviate the obviously unwanted topic.

“Thanks, Miller,” she nodded her head in appreciation.

“Anytime.” His gaze shifted from her own and to the rest of the people that accompanied her, focusing on her little sister. “Okay, what can I get you guys?”

Avery consumed his attention as they began to discuss the contents of the case before them. She watched as Clarke took that moment to lightly touch her arm, she was much closer than she had been earlier and Lexa could still see the worry and curiousness written across her face.

“This is my friend, Miller, from school,” she tried to dodge past the actual question in the blonde's blue eyes but failed.

“What did he mean ‘ _what happened with Cage_ ’? That's the second time I've heard about something happening at your school today, is everything alright?” Her voice was low as not to disturb the people in front of them, more of a whisper and it ghosted past her ear. The concern and urgency evident in her tone.

“It’s nothing, Clarke. It was just some small argument with a kid in my class, it happens all the time.” Lexa could see the disbelief flicker across blue but continued without a whisper in her voice, “what flavor of ice cream do you like?” 

The night continued without falter after that. Lexa laughing and smiling and just in utter awe of the way Clarke interacted with Avery. It was as if they were long lost best friends finally coming together, what with the way they acted and joked and talked to each other. She sat across from them at a small round table in the yard of the parlor, hiding her small grin and enlightened heart behind her cone of coffee ice cream. 

A flavor that Clarke had made fun of her for before she picked pistachio out for herself. And then both sisters were looking at the blonde with disgust and betrayal. Avery opting not to sit down until she basically dragged her onto the bench beside Lexa, with remarks of _grow up_.

But even with the jokes and light banter aside, Clarke was glowing in their company. She'd never seen the girl look so lively and full of smiles. Her hair reflecting the soft casts of street lights and her skin was almost luminescent. Soft and bright, just like her demeanor and the aura she always seemed to be radiating around her. The two sisters were entranced.

On the walk back to the truck, Lexa could already feel the sullen attitude beginning to form from her little sister. The girl had been enjoying the company of the older two and didn't want their small outing to end. Even when they had made it to the truck and driven back home, saying their goodbyes at the doorstep, the girl’s smile was forced. Lexa would have to make sure and bring Clarke around more often, just to see her sister light up in such a way she didn't know was possible.

~ 

“You're seriously not gonna tell me what movie we're seeing?” Lexa whined from her passenger position as they headed towards the drive-in. It was located at the bay, right alongside the ocean so that the screen was framed by calm waves and illuminating stars. 

“ _Nope_ ,” the blonde beside her popped the _p_ as she flipped on her blinker to pull into the lot and aimed for the ticket booth. Her eyes were focused on the road before them but Lexa knew that she could feel the intensity of her glare, boring into the side of her head.

“You do realize that as soon as we pull up to the teller that it'll be listed on the sign, right?” She smirked, which then only grew when she watched the girl deflate a little. 

“Shit,” Clarke murmured, obviously having forgotten about that particular factor.

The wheels of the truck crunched along the gravel path until they were waiting in a row of others who were also looking to get their tickets. The area was decently packed already, maybe a handful of cars but not too many as there were still decent spots left. She could already see those who had come to the movie for reasons other than enjoying the film as the back row was almost fully stocked. 

The tall billboard that read, _The 84th and O_ , stood tall in the grass beside them, it's decades old design leaving its colors faded and edges either rusted or chipped away. Her eyes fell to the listed movie below, black letters printed on small cards of plastic, slid together to form a title that had her teeth gleaming in a wide smile and heart leaping to the edge of her chest.

Lexa turned to the girl beside her, whose head was ducked as she pretended to find great interest in the cracked leather of her steering wheel. Her green eyes skimmed over the reddened ears and averted gaze with integrity, trying to piece together her tumbling emotions until she could form a coherent sentence that wasn't full of squeals or teasing or miscalculated touches.

“You remembered?” It was spoken softly, and to her surprise, with no corruptions or breaks. The small words filled the comfortable silence of the cabin, besides the purring engine and echoes of ever crashing waves. 

“Of course I remembered,” the blonde's back straightened a bit, so she was less hunched. Lexa eyed her shoulder blades under the fabric of her button down, as they came together a bit more and her spine rolled upwards with a deep intake of breath. And then she was turning, and blue eyes met her's for probably the thousandth time that night. But the blue was mostly gone as her eyes were dark and read more than what her actions or words could ever compose. They showed warmth and fear as they flickered back between her own, trying to decipher her expression as she continued, “how couldn't I?”

And it was with those two disassociated, inseparable phrases, those two sentences, two confessions, that had the atmosphere burning, almost suffocating. Until the tickets had been bought and their desired spot had been parked upon, until their run to the snack bar had their arms over encumbered, until the sky outside had turned from its tiring blue to a more subtle pink as the sun began to sink below the waves in the far off distance. 

Until they were able to sit together in the middle, with Clarke's boots propped on the dash and her own legs tucked beneath her, their laps covered in the thin blanket that usually took occupancy along the back of their seat, and their cold fingers entangled between them. It was when her head fell onto the shoulder of the blonde's that the air felt more breathable, the space more livable, and the movie just that more enjoyable.

~ 

Lexa watched as silent tears formed in the girl's eyes, she had a cheek against her shoulder to see the small glistening pools form in the tracks. It was nearing the end of the flick and it had just hit the part where one of the protagonists didn't make it to see the next day. She had felt a lump build in the back of her throat but swallowed it to smirk at the tearful girl beside her.

“I thought you'd already seen this movie,” she whispered it quietly as to not break the calming atmosphere. Which not too long ago had been filled with small laughs as they had tried to toss the remaining pieces of popcorn into each other's mouths. Failing miserably of course but that wasn't really the point of the game, the timid laughter and scrunched noses were better than any popped kernel caught between teeth. 

The girl shivered beneath her, from the cold or the warm air of her words she wasn't sure. “I have,” it was choked out with a small chuckle.

“Then what are these?” Lexa lifted a hand to carefully brush against the blonde's cheek, her thumb wiping away the single track that had fallen. She saw her fingers and felt the small shocks being sent between their touch before staring into quivering blue orbs turned her way.

“Sorry, it's nothing, just this scene,” the girl tried to force a small laugh as she sat up, out of the grasp of the brunette, sucking in a stuttered breath and wiping her face free. 

“It's not nothing, Clarke,” she sat up as well to mirror the blonde, only wanting to reach out and bring the girl back into her arms. 

The girl sighed in front of her followed her gaze, the screen only yards before them long forgotten. She could hear its audio spilling in from the open windows on either side of them, the volumized voices echoing through the lot. It was only a moment of silent eye contact before Clarke shrugged, a small smile coming to her lips, framed by her now dry face and the dim reflection of the film.

“I guess it's just hard to watch, even though I’ve seen it several times, death is never easy, especially that of a loved one. Watching the characters on the screen...” she tilted her head with a flicker of her gaze to hint a direction, “it just feels too close to home sometimes.”

Lexa nodded, the lump in her throat having returned from the downcast expression written over the blonde. She reached out when she didn't know what to say, her arms opening a bit before Clarke took the hint and slumped back into them. The older girl's face buried in her neck as they both tried to collect themselves. 

They had returned to watching the end of the movie, when she finally spoke, softly, barely above a whisper so that if the blonde hadn't been in her arms she most likely wouldn't be heard. 

“You're amazing you know that?”

The blonde in her arms turned again, so that her nose brushed against her chin and she had to visibly swallow so that she wouldn't tilt her head down. Clarke hummed, as if questioning what she’d said but in a way that truly spoke, _what do you mean?_

“You're just...” she played with the hem of Clarke's overly large flannel, since her own shirt was buried beneath, “you're so strong, even after everything life's put you through.” Finally, she looked from her hand and into blue eyes that had been watching her the whole time, the girl was so _close_. She was right there, not even two inches from her face and the way that Clarke's eyes looked at her, as if she was everything, as if she meant something, as if she'd never heard those words till this day.

“And you're not just strong. You're kind and smart and _beautiful_. And there's the way you look at the world, I wish I could see through your eyes, I wish I could look out at something miserable and see hope.” She didn't know what had made something within her snap, what had made her cage door swing open, what had sent a wrecking ball into her walls. But now her heart was like a flood gate and all she wanted to do was pour, pour, _pour_.

“And then there's me, and I don't know why you even wanted to hang out with me or get to know me, or why you still do. Nobody's ever seen me as more than a mistake, a nuisance, except for you. You look at me, _God,_ the way you look at me, it's like, it's...” She had begun to stutter, her previous flow of words had come to a stop but that didn't change the way blue eyes focused on her. It didn't stop the girl in her arms from sitting up until they were at eye level, or halt the soft hand the came to rest along the edge of her jaw, with a thumb tracing her cheek and fingers creeping towards the edge of her neck.

“Lexa,” a gentle whisper that cast warmly against her face, smelling of the popcorn they had shared and the sweet box of candy still open on the seat beside them, “I look at you like that because you _are_ worth something, more than almost anyone I've ever met. You call me kind and beautiful but damn it, Lex, have you seen yourself? You're like some crazy goddess who just crashed into my store one day so how could I _not_ see you? How could I _not_ want to get to know you? I look at you like that because you're the most considerate and softhearted person in this shit pit of a town. You're the only one _worth_ getting to know and I don't know how no one else can see that.”

The words had her tongue sent to the back of her throat, her chest was tight and all she could do was drown in the soft blue eyes in front of her. Eyes that flickered down towards her lips before locking onto her forest green ones with such ferocity that she couldn't breathe, or feel, or respond when the hand on her cheek slid to pull on the back of her neck. Couldn't comprehend when Clarke’s nose brushed against her own, so that her eyes fluttered until the only sensation she could even consider was the warm body in her lap and the fervent fingers playing with the small hairs on her neck, scratching gently across her skin until she was shuddering. Until hot breath skimmed across her cheeks and she was met with a pair of chapped lips ghosting across her own. Light enough that she couldn't even feel their pressure or texture, so light that it had her leaning in-

“Holy shit, is that who I think it is?!”

A shout from right outside the passenger door had her breath catching in her throat and Clarke scrambling off of her lap. Her face was burning and her heart had been sent into a race that it would not win.

“What the hell?” It was Clarke this time, and when she actually was able to look up all she saw was anger and venom spitting from the blonde's lips, lips that she had been only seconds away from pulling between her own, lips that she could still feel whispering against hers.

“Well, well,” she knew that voice, she knew that voice _way_ too well. Her eyes were locked on blue that were glaring at the figure outside the window behind her, and she felt as if she was going to cry. “If it ain't little Lexie here, and with a date of all things,” she heard several people join to chuckle at his light tone, “and with, do my eyes deceive me?”

Her breathing was sporadic and everything in her vision was becoming hazy besides sharp blue eyes. “Do my eyes dare tell me that she is with another woman? Who would've known that the _nobody_ was a faggot?”

She watched Clarke's own expression be taken aback by the boys cruel and vicious words. The girl's expression softened for only a second when she glanced her way but continued to look out the window as if Lucifer himself stood before it. When the laughter from outside finally began to fade she sucked in a breath of air, a gasp she couldn't even feel as it entered her lungs, and turned, staring down the group and the perpetrator.

“Cage,” her lips curled and she was ever thankful that the word hadn't broken.

“Ah, there you are,” his face was split into a malicious grin, more of a smirk, but one that nonetheless showed his thoughts on their current situation. “Did you not get enough earlier?” It was asked almost sweetly and it made her stomach twist, “I'd be happy to show your girl here what a real lady should be treated like.”

The people behind him were cackling, and she recognized a few of their faces but her sight was only set on two dark eyes boring into her own. The boy was slouched so that he could peer into the small frame of the window, his hand grasping the roof of the car as he leaned.

“Y’know, the pastor ain't gonna like having a dyke like you for a daughter,” he sneered.

“Go to hell, Cage,” she all but spat as the vehicle beneath them began to shake and sputtered to life with a growl.

Cage whistled, whoops and woes sounded from behind him, “you got a sharp tongue for somebody that's already gotta one way ticket.”

He was almost leaning into the window now and all she wanted to do was collide her knuckles into his chin like he’d done to her on numerous occasions. But before anything could be done the vehicle jumped as it quickly reversed from the spot with a loud rev of its engine, the boy had to leap back from the window as to not get knocked aside. She watched his face turn to a scowl as he opened his lips to retort but then he and his words and his friends were left in the spray of gravel from the retreating truck.

The group and lot of cars, all reflecting the subtle colors and lights from the ongoing movie were left behind, Lexa watched as their forms shrank until they weren't much bigger than the size of ants and then they were gone. Disappeared into the fog of night, replaced by swaying trees and the long stretch of open water.

Her hands were shaking, her whole body was shaking but she could feel her hands and she could see them and she knew that Clarke could see them trembling in her lap as well. Of all the nights for anything to happen, anything bad or good, why the hell did it have to be this one? She thought back to all the faces that had seen her, the glint in Cage’s eye when he realized what he could do with this information. Her mind took her to her parents and to school and to the looks that every would, _will_ , give her. The words, the actions, the-

She couldn't breathe.

It was as if her throat had closed and all she could do was pull in breath after useless breath. Her hands, shaking as they are, tried to claw against her neck but suddenly it was all just too much. Everything was too much. The girl beside her was too much, her family was too much, the calming waters outside were _too_ much and they were only sending her further and further down. 

Down where?

She didn't know, for all she could focus on was that her body wasn't working and that they were no longer moving and that the reason why the calming water was just _there_ was because it was flowing in the eyes of a girl who had her hands cupping her cheeks. Whose mouth was moving and face portraying a frantic outlook but she couldn't _hear_. Why couldn't she _hear_?

“Lexa!”

It was like that morning when Avery had shaken her from her sleep.

“Lexa, baby, look at me!”

It was like that time she had fallen off her bike and she could see the world going on around her, she knew it was active and continuous and that she was only a small part of it but yet she couldn't help to feel as if she wasn't _in_ it at all.

“Lex, please…”

She was looking blue, the one that clouded her thoughts so often, when it was as if everything clicked. Like one of the shutters had been raised and just a little more light could be let in. Her eyes that had been looking but yet not internalizing the girl before her finally focused, and she saw the turmoil taking place behind soft blues.

“Clarke,” a gasp, a choked and broken whisper that had the blonde relaxing only slightly, she could hear the other girl’s breathing now and could feel her rapid heartbeat through the hand that still lay against her cheek.

“Yeah, I'm right here, keep looking at me.”

And she did. She kept looking, staring, admiring the woman who had come to sit against her side. She watched one of her hands be taken and placed on the blonde's chest, to feel her intakes and exhales of breath. She felt her own heartbeat calm, and suddenly breathing felt like _breathing_ again. As if each lungful of air was actually fueling her system and not withering away before she could grasp it.

“There you go, Lex. Just breathe.”

Just breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I AM SO SORRY, LIKE SOOO SORRY. I got sick last week and have had to catch up with normal life things which has made my free time hectic and close to none. So saying I had time to write is an exaggeration, I was writing like a paragraph a day because I had no time and very little inspiration. This chapter was hard for me to write for some reason but I'm back in my groove now. I will DEFINITELY never take that long to post again and may even be having a little something for Clexa week, who knows :)
> 
> ALSO, here are some photos to help you picture the story a little better, it's just small things but I think they'd be worth checking out
> 
> Clarke's vest (but blue) : https://goo.gl/images/l55iMb
> 
> Lexa's glasses : https://68.media.tumblr.com/6925bc55ef384eafcd06c2aaed1a3673/tumblr_ofiw0wcit01qenrvwo2_r1_500.gif
> 
> Clarke's truck : https://goo.gl/images/oCjhnV
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!! I know there's gonna be a lot to tell for this chapter and I wanna know all of it :)


	12. Patchwork

There's always two choices in every decision. In any event or occurrence that takes place in one's life, there are two ways that they could continue from that point in time. They say that one of these choices, or both of them really, will change your life drastically. Bringing forth new decisions and choices, the things that form and shape the entirety or your timeline, your lifeline, your future. The thing is. The part that makes the difference between these two options. Is simple.

One path that one could travel down is full of struggling and helplessness, which would finally be overcome with great reward. While the other is easy, ergo that it is all it ever will be, offering no accolade other than that small and inaugurating actuality.

They can fight or run. Face the bull head on or ignore it entirely; walking past its steaming form as if it were merely the essence of a ghost, a figment of an idea left to wonder and gradually fade away.

Lexa could reach out to the woman that had turned her life and state of being completely upside down and backward, risking the stability she had created in the minuscule, isolated town of Lincoln City. Or pretend that _that_ part of her life had never existed, that the last couple of months had seamlessly been filled with her studies and day job at the theatre.

That the blonde cashier with blazing blue eyes and a smile that lit a fire in the depths of her chest, with a laugh that rang through her ears, swooning her mind and leaving her limbs feeling of the consistency of jello; didn't mean anything more to her than the capacity of a mutual acquaintance.

And _god_ , was it eating the poor girl alive.

~

Lexa had been ignoring her for an entire week and she was just about fed up with this almost childlike behavior coming from the girl she had become close to.

She understood, really she did, why the brunette was doing this. Why she was pushing her away, brushing off her attempts at conversation and straight out not answering her phone calls. What had happened that night on a foggy Wednesday, wasn't something that they could just ignore. And the moment that Lexa had finally come too, when her glazed green eyes flickered before finally focusing and her breaths became deeper and more even, she knew that everything had changed. The silent car ride back to the younger girl's place and the hesitant, almost nonexistent, farewell was only the start.

Clarke couldn't even imagine what the girl must be going through. Hell, she didn't even know if the brunette was even _into_ girls. But the turmoil that is more than likely stirring through the girl's head would be anything but disconcerting. Let alone allow the girl to feel brave enough or eager enough to reach out to the one person that might understand, but undoubtedly also be the cause.

So yeah, she could see where the girl’s actions were coming from, but it didn't make the issue any easier, didn't cause the hurt she felt from the brunette’s cold shoulder to lessen any. Lexa hadn't even answered her call on _Christmas_ for god’s sake. The only information she had gotten was that they were busy with the church and ministry and she had just _barely_ squeezed it out of the shy and uncharacteristic like behavior of the younger sister who'd been answering her calls all week.

The last time she'd seen the green eyed girl had been when the passenger door shook the entirety of the cabin of her truck and she watched her back disappear into the containment of a stuffy and mentally suffocating household. Their usual midweek visits had stopped and the time they spent together on the weekends never came through.

Excuses of homework and extra shifts and finals kept spilling from Lexa’s tongue but she knew.

She knew.

And the constricting cage around her heart never ceased to grow tighter, it's metal bars squeezing until she felt as if it would burst entirely unless a certain pair of green eyes found their way into her vision and fast.

There were two paths that people could take in their lives, and the girl with green eyes and a dazzling grin was deciding to run than face the bull. If only she'd known that in the end, sore muscles and a reign of victor was better than a shabby red flag.

~

When the next Tuesday rolled around, almost two weeks since the night of the drive-in, and she found her store doors sealed tight, lacking the small tune of the old, golden bell, she was crestfallen.

Not even a single word had been uttered to her from the girl, and the only reason she knew that she was safe was from the small chats she had with Avery when she would call over to their place. The young sister sounded unsure every time she spoke to her, as if she was on the edge of enjoying their conversation but also feeling like she shouldn't be speaking to the blonde at all. And it wasn't until their conversation on the previous evening that she felt as if she had to do _something_ before she lost Lexa completely.

Clarke's arms felt wrong as she slid them into the stiff folds of her winter jacket. It's material lacking the warmth it usually carried as it'd been stowed away for almost an entire year, the warmer weather disowning the use of its abilities. But now that the air was getting closer and closer to being under freezing, she found it time that she pulled it free of the box where it sat, still folded and lacking creases. Long sleeves of its woolen material fell slightly past her fingertips as she buttoned its front, the trench coat styled jacket hanging low on her hips. Already feeling a little suffocating paired with her scarf and beanie.

Her limbs fell useless to her sides when her clothing was all situated. She still stood in the entryway of her desolate apartment, it's confines no longer feeling homey in the past couple weeks with the lack of another bumbling body roaming around its wooden floors. A pristinely wrapped box sat on the small shelf next to her door, it's green paper reflecting the lighting from outside the windows as the lights above had recently been turned off. Blue eyes traced the red bow as she considered bringing it with her, but she shook her head and grabbed the set of keys from the dish beside it.

_Maybe some other time._

Clarke figured that if Lexa wasn't going to try and reach out, or even answer her phone calls, there was only one thing left to do. She had to confront her personally. And the only way she could do that without the other girl brushing her off again was if she met her after school like she'd done several times in the last month.

At least she _hoped_ the girl wouldn't brush her off.

Or run.

~

Clarke leaned against the side of her truck like she'd done time and time, again. Her ears were warm beneath the thick material of her winter cap, the small pompom that sat atop moving with the direction of the wind. Blue eyes followed the moving body of teenagers that had begun to leak from the doors of the school, nobody even gave her a second glance as they had become used to seeing her here most days, though it had been awhile since the last.

It took only a few moments for her to catch sight of wavy brown hair and wide, wire framed glasses. She watched the girl shuffle through the crowd and suddenly, felt as if this wasn't the right decision. She shouldn't be pushing the girl to interact with her when obviously she's been going through her own difficult issues. There's a reason the girl’s been ignoring her and she should have respected the distance being pushed between them. It was selfish of her to think otherwise but yet before she could even think about turning around and driving away, the vibrant green eyes flickered from the ground and held onto her’s, freezing the brilliant beholder in place.

Clarke swallowed hard when she saw the state of being the younger girl was in. She looked tired, eyes sunken slightly and face looking gloomier altogether. As if she was barely trudging along and keeping all of her pieces in place. But even that didn't scar her as much as the look that crossed the girl's eyes when she had caught hold of fearful blue.

It was an expression that flashed through so many she wasn't sure what to think until it settled for an annoyed grimace. The beginning relief of the girl’s soft gaze long gone and replaced with a snarl. One that sent ice through the blonde's veins and straight into her heart.

In only a few strides, the brunette came up to be a few feet in front of her, arms crossed and an apprehensive stance contrasting the split expression along her features.

“What are you doing here, Clarke?” Her voice shook, as if she was scared to see her and yet annoyed all the same. But it was still as soft as ever and it made the blonde’s insides melt and wanting to do something idiotic like _touch_ her.

“You've been ignoring me,” she decided to leave her tone light and expression open. The girl didn't need someone else to be defensive towards her and she understood why the girl was acting this way. She wasn't going to feed into what the brunette wanted, she wasn't going to back down.

“I've been busy, Clarke,” though her voice didn't waver, Clarke could still see the hesitance in her eyes that was a dead giveaway to her lies.

“That's bullshit and we both know it,” the blonde folded her arms to match the girl before her.

With a moment of silence, Lexa sighed and looked down at the ground. Something the blonde had been able to stop the girl from doing so often when she had gotten to know the brunette and it pained her to see the action be reenacted again.

“What do you want from me, Clarke?”

She wished the girl would stop saying her name like that because it kept making the situation just that much harder. “I want you to talk to me, Lex.” The brunettes stance relaxed a bit at the nickname and she finally lifted her head to focus on something past Clarke's shoulder. “I want you to explain to me what's going on with you and how I can help.”

“You can't help, Clarke.” There it was again, only sadder now as the closed off girl before her had lost all fight.

“Then at least tell me what's happening, don't just shut me out.” She was pleading but there was nothing else she could think to do.

“I can't do this right now,” she watched the girls hands, which had folded around the straps of her backpack, begin to temple as the brunette turned to walk away.

“Lex,” she reached out to graze her hand on the girl's elbow, as if to pull her back but deciding not to grab her at the last second.

But just those few breaths of contact had the girl jumping back and out of her reach. Her whole body was shaking now and the fear in her eyes had Clarke's stomach feeling like acid. She hadn't wanted this, she hadn't meant for _this_ to happen. The blonde only wanted to help but yet it seemed as if she could only make things worse.

“Can we, could you, just,” even her voice was shaking, “not right now okay? I can't-”

The girl sucked in a breath before turning and fully leaving the situation, fast enough that Clarke would have to jog to keep up with the brunette’s longer legs.

“Fuck,” her voice cracked and her breathing had become ragged as she tried to keep her emotions at bay. Her only excuse of exertion was the palm that slammed into the side of her truck, the loud thump and light sting had her breaths flowing more easily.

She watched after the retreating girl, the lot around them mostly deserted by now, and something in her clicked. She wasn't just going to give up.

This girl needed someone, and even if that couldn't be her, she wasn't going to make Lexa think that it couldn't be. That she didn't want to be there. So to hell with what she should do, she was going to push until the girl physically did not want her around anymore. Because knowing her, she wasn't one to express what she wanted that easily.

Clarke jumped into the driver's seat again and quickly reached where the girl had accumulated to walking. Leaning over, she rolled down the window until she was driving at the same pace that the girl was walking and could hear the sound of the engine pairing with her small scraping footsteps.

“You know this is borderline stalking, right?” A clipped tone filtered in through the window but Clarke decided to bypass the obvious remark meant to take a jab at her.

“I'm not just gonna let you walk away from this, Lexa. You need to talk about what's happening and while I might not be the best person for that position, I'm offering. And being one of the only people who knows what happened, I'd say that should at least give me some brownie points.”

The brunette continued walking, and if it weren't for the apparent inclination of her head, Clarke would have thought her words had fallen flat. They continued like that for a few more minutes, and she was thankful that they lived in such a small town that no traffic had passed by yet.

“If you're not going to talk could you at least let me give you a ride? It's freezing out here and I'd rather not lose you to hyperthermia of all things.”

“I'm fine, I do this every day and have been my entire life.” She still didn't look her way.

“Just because you _have_ done it doesn't mean you have to _keep_ doing it. You have other options, Lexa, which includes a warm truck and a more than understanding person if you ever so consider.”

The brunette stopped suddenly and the screech of her breaks followed shortly after. Green eyes turned to meet her's after what felt like forever and she sucked in her breath. The hurt and pleading expression sitting in the girl's eyes had her heart constricting once more and she could feel the white of her knuckles grow as they tightened around the cracked steering wheel.

“I don't know what I'm doing. Or how to do this, whatever _this_ is. I don't _know_ what's happening or what to _do_ and I just-” the crack of her hanging word had Clarke treading on thin ice.

“Okay,” she spoke softly and watched the girl’s throat shake. “It's going to be okay.”

“No, it's _not_ , Clarke! This is all new to me and I don't have anyone else and I don't know how much time I have left before everybody finds out what happened that night.” She sucked in a shuddered breath, “and I know that you want to help, but I don't even know what _I_ need right now let alone how you could interfere.”

“So let's figure that out, talk to me. You're not alone in this, Lex. I just want to make sure you know that.”

A nodding head had a trembling hand gripping the edge of her passenger door, where the window usually would be. “I do,” she shook her head. “I know.” And her eyes set with an understanding gaze onto her own.

“Then please get in, I know you're freezing. I can see your red nose and ears from here.”

That had the brunette giggling softly and she felt the first pound in the core of her chest, a small smile tilting her lips. “It's better than that dumb hat you're wearing.”

She gasped at the smirk forming on the brunette's plump lips, “take that back.”

“Or what?”

Blue eyes switched between two brightened green ones and she felt her smile growing to match that of the other. “Or I'll stop funding your hot cocoa addiction that you've seemed to grow in the last month.”

Green eyes that held a forest of creation grew wide, so that that golden skies surrounding the waving leaves were outlined in white sclera and thin streaks of pink veins.

“Yeah, okay, whatever.” The mumbles tumbling from the girl's mouth as she climbed in didn't match the eager smile and shy gaze.

When the door closed again they were encased in the warmth of a truck cabin and the presence of the person beside them. Softs breaths filled the silent space and Clarke looked over to the quiet girl beside her, still holding a small grin as she fiddled with the hem of her leather jacket.

“Are we good?” She decided to voice the question that had been eating away at her since the memory of a retreating girl began to show on replay behind her thoughts.

A glance from above her glasses had the bright and shining texture of green eyes free from the obstruction of smudged glass and wire frames.

“Yeah, we’re good.”

~

They had been parked outside the brunette's house for almost ten minutes now and neither of them had said a word. Nor had said girl exited the still running and heater warmed vehicle. She could see the girl’s thoughts running rapid behind questioning green eyes, and the blonde gave her time to think about what she wanted to say.

With a soft intake of breath, Lexa spoke up against the lingering silence only a few moments later, “I'm sorry.”

She ducked her head, trying to catch green eyes but ultimately failing, “what for? I get it, you don't have to apologize.”

“No, I do.” Lexa looked up and Clarke lost her lungful of air at the serious gaze the girl had put on her. “It wasn't fair to you, what I did. Just leaving without any words and shutting you out. In reality, I knew that I shouldn't have, that you're the only person I could probably trust with something like this. But…”

The blonde watched a shuddered breath filter in through the girl's lips before the words continued, “I was scared. And not just from what happened, I deal with Cage and his friends all the time, but you... You terrify me, Clarke. You're this, amazing and courageous person and I'm just. Me.”

“When I'm around you I feel lighter and I don't know how to deal with that, or with you, or with. With what almost happened… It's all just new, and I've never done anything like this before.”

She watched the words and emotions unfold from the figure before her and couldn't help but reach out and gently grasp one of the hands that lay clenched against the girl's thigh. Clarke traced her fingertips over the back of the brunette's hand, the tension slowly releasing the curled fingers that she then slid between her own. Green eyes watched the action delicately and she could hear the shattered breaths of distress still leaving the girl’s body.

Clarke looked back up until she caught the quivering green orbs once again, “you don't have to be scared, Lex. Nothing is or ever will be out of your control. You decide what you want in life and how your future will lead you. And with what almost happened, if that's not something you want then it's not something that's going to happen. I don't want you to feel scared, I just want you to feel happy and comfortable.”

“And what if I do want it?”

Her heart leaped at the quiet words uttered from the girl's mouth, sending a shiver that traveled through her limbs and lit a fire behind her eyes which still gazed upon the other girl. “Then we will figure that out together as well. Because I'm here for you no matter what, I just need you to talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Clarke smiled at the small grin forming on the girl's lips.

“Okay,” she sent a squeeze to Lexa's hand before releasing it. “Now you better go. I've been watching a small head peering at us from your front window the entire time.”

“That little shit,” Lexa's head whipped around to look at her house and she couldn't help but laugh at the vulgar phrase sounding unfamiliar on the girl's tongue.

“I'm sorry for that,” she grimaced.

“Stop apologizing, it's fine.” Clarke giggled and _fuck_ , this girl would be the death of her, “I'll see you later?”

“Definitely.”

And with that, the girl glanced between both of her blue eyes before leaning in and brushing her lips against a reddened cheek. Her eyelids fluttered before closing at the soft touch and brush of a small nose across her cheekbone. The two seconds of contact before the girl gracefully exited the vehicle felt like an eternity of soft brown hair and the essence of a forest after it rained.

Even as she traveled back across town and found herself curled in the soft sheets of her bed, she could still educe the ignition of fire that warm lips had set across her smooth skin.

~

With luck, it began snowing that night, which then continued into the next day and the one after that. Leaving such a build up that by the time Friday came around the school board had decided that it would be classified as a snow day, leaving every high schooler, junior high schooler, and elementary student to their own abode.

For Clarke, this meant that there was really no reason to open the shop that day, as there had been little to no customers the rest of the week. So surely this foot of snow that covered every sidewalk, park bench, and rooftop would not help the cause in the least. Just from the windows in her apartment, she could see the barren roads and parked vehicles which had yet to be claimed. The white powder left the world outside looking brighter and hopeful as fog lights gleamed off its sparkling surface. She could see where the ocean tide came up to sweep along the frosted sand, dragging with it small piles of snow that left the water a swarm of ice and the tan ground a mix of white and pearlescent gray.

Her landlord had come through a couple weeks ago and she could hear the low rumble of the pulsing heater through the vents of her small flat. It's warmth contrasting the chilly air outside so that the moisture in the air condensated on the tall windows around her. If it weren't for the ventilation system that worked so well, the space around her would almost seem stuffy.

As she lay in bed on the cool Friday morning, still donning her sleepwear, or at least most of it as she tended to discard her bottoms at some point during the night, _maybe the heating worked a little too well_ , her thoughts kept backtracking to the night before.

Lexa had made well on her promise and had come strolling in through the red door at the entrance of her shop once again after so many days. The empty shop had echoed the small ding of the bell throughout, and the sound was like music to her ears from where she sat working in the back. Excitement and the overabundance of hope she'd been carrying throughout the night had her arms circling the girl in a quick but tight hug. Both reluctant to let go once the conventional amount of time had passed.

Even though it had been a couple weeks since the two had really hung out, nothing had changed between the demeanor of them and they instantly went back to the way things had been.

Well mostly.

As the lingering touches felt longer and the occasional catching of the eye seemed to hold so much more integrity than it had before. Every time they happened to brush by one another it was like someone had set a fire in the blondes core that no amount of firefighters could quench. The elbow grazes and hand squeezing and shoulder chiding all insinuated a greater high, lifting the blonde's chest so that it fluttered right out of the building and into the starry night.

And the way the green eyes poured into her own, she'd have to say that it wasn't much different for the brunette herself.

They didn't talk about what happened, or what was still happening or could happen. Together, they enjoyed each other's company and the serene atmosphere of not having to worry about the world outside a store shelved in old movies and musty air containing the viscosity of static.

Sometimes ignorance was bliss, and they were going to hold that to each other for as long as they could. Before the impending reality decided to come crashing down their doors and yelling in their faces. Right now they had each other, and a world of opportunity, and really that's all one could ask for in times like these.

Clarke had decided that one hour of lazing around in bed had been enough for the icy morning. And that there was a cosmos outside her doorstep just begging to be unearthed until she found herself much like she was on Wednesday. Sitting outside the brunette's house in a rumbling truck and dressed in clothing that kept the chill from seeping too far in. The same beanie adorning her head which Lexa couldn't seem to get enough of as quiet giggles racked her small frame every time she saw the blonde wearing it.

One short pep talk later had her approaching the younger girl’s door and a white knuckled fist rapping along its wooden confines. Soft footsteps approached only moments later and a small hesitant figure pulled it open.

“Clarke?” Avery’s mood lifted within seconds and her curious voice rose from quiet to one of excitement as her caramel eyes focused on her frozen form standing in the doorway.

“Hey, kiddo,” she chuckled from under her scarf as small arms jumped to wrap around her; which she quickly reciprocated.

The small girl was warm unlike the weather she stood in and she had to hold in a laugh when Avery quickly pulled back with a look of repulsion at her cold frame.

“You're freezing! Come on, come in,” a small hand fit into hers and pulled them through the entrance and into the much warmer, immured household.

Around the corner, where the wall met that of the kitchen, a head of messy brown curls poked out. Wide eyes behind equally as wide frames peered at her with surprise, “Clarke?”

“Hey, Lex,” she unwound the scarf from her face to reveal a bright smile at the perplexed girl.

Clarke's thoughts were running wild at the sight before her. Lexa stood in the kitchen awkwardly at the unexpected presence, her barefooted frame embellished in satin pajamas that matched the color of the sky outside. The small space smelled of cooked butter and overly sweet syrup, which made sense with that small pancakes that sat in the girl's pan.

“Well don't you look cute,” she fixed the fallen glasses on the girl’s face as she still stood frozen with confusion in the middle of her kitchen, spatula hovering in one hand while the other hung loosely at her side. Clarke made sure to hold eye contact for as long as possible in the three second close proximity they had before moving to lean against the counter, not failing to miss the deep blush that had grown from the brunette's nose.

“What, what are you doing here?” Lexa blinked and had a hard time deciding if her focus should be on the blonde next to her or on the task at hand. “Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.”

She beamed at the mess of a girl she'd become a little too fond of. Her clumsy demeanor and stuttering only added to the allure.

“I just found myself around the neighborhood, and may or may not have overheard that you guys had a snow day today. Courtesy of none other than the radio.”

Lexa smiled into the pancakes that she was flipping, her currently free and frizzy hair left to flow around her head and hide some of her features. “Just found yourself around the neighborhood, huh?”

Clarke shrugged when the girl glanced at her, both of their faces holding ridiculous smiles.

“Well you're just in time for breakfast, I hope you're hungry,” the girl slid her currently cooking pancakes to a plate and handed it towards Clarke.

“I'm absolutely famished.”

Neither brunette or blonde even noticed the knowing smirk on one younger girl who sat at a table a couple yards away, quietly watching the interaction unfold.

The three of them enjoyed the warm breakfast and laughs until other activities deemed their attention. Varying from board games to movies to simple games like hide n’ seek until late in the afternoon, when the front door shook and opened for a towering and luminous figure.

Lexa, who sat beside Clarke on the couch, a little too closely as the three of them watched the third Star Wars movie yet again, scrambled to the other end where she curled into herself with a face flushed from the nose.

She watched as the two sisters shared a frightened look before finally resting their gaze on the blonde with an apologetic expression. The figure in the entrance emerged from the shadows to reveal a tall and slender frame, whose features resembled a lot of the girls beside her with a strong cut jawline and piercing eyes. But instead of the warmth she constantly felt radiating from the two on the couch, she just felt cold. As if the eyes that we're peering at her with malice could kill her with a single twitch of the neck. The thought sent a chill down her back and she couldn't help but glance at the older brunette, who still had her head tucked down and jaw clenched.

“Alexandra, Avery,” the woman greeted them so formally that Clarke would have guessed she viewed them more as nuisances than beautiful beings of life. “This is a surprise, I came home early from work in hopes to spend some time with you two and yet I'm met with an unknown face.”

Lexa snorted beside her at the comment and she wasn't quite sure which part of the woman's sentence could have drawn that reaction from the girl. Usual soft, green eyes hardened as they lifted to meet those of her mother, and the girl’s jaw never unclenched. As if the action was foreign and impossible to muster.

“It's good to see you Mother, this is my friend, Clarke.” Even with the brash and unsolicited tone, the brunette still managed to say her name with such elegance that the second shiver down her spine had nothing to do with the intimidating figure before them.

And if Clarke thought the malevolent gaze set upon her couldn't get any worse, boy was she wrong.

At the sound of her name from the girl's tongue, a bewildered look seemed to pass from the older woman, before a steely haze covered her eyes and she felt like she was drowning in place. She watched as the awkward demeanor of a woman trying to play a role she wasn't used to fell away. Replaced with a stiff stance and crossed arms, all amounts of kindness, no matter how little, seemed to whisk into the air and the stuffy atmosphere became suffocating.

“This is Clarke?” Even the woman's tone made her insides curl, “the way you spoke of her made me come to the conclusion that she was just some boy you had developed a crush on.”

The girl beside her paled and she wished she could just reach out and comfort the stricken girl, but any sort of contact or even movement at this point would probably end up with her lying in a body bag.

“But obviously, that is not the case.” Lexa and her mother held eye contact for longer than what was thought comfortable, and she couldn't help but shift in her seat and look towards the younger girl who’d sat quiet the entire time. Her caramel eyes held a deep sense of hurt at the display going on next to them, and when they flickered to meet her's, she tried her best to convey as much sympathy towards the girl as possible.

After a few more moments, Lexa cleared her throat and spoke against the tense environment, her voice just as strong and sure as ever. “What are you really doing here, Mother?”

With a huff, the woman lifted her line of sight and acted nonchalant against the whole occurrence. “The roads were only worsening so the office closed early to allow us a chance at getting home with ease. But what I'm wondering, is what _she_ is doing here and why no one had the sense to tell me? You know I don't like unknown visits like this, Alexandra.”

“I'm sorry, that's my fault,” she jumped in quickly and had to swallow at the burning gray eyes set upon her, “I stopped by because I was nearby, neither of them knew about it until I knocked. It was a complete surprise to them.” Clarke beamed internally when her voice decided not to waver.

“So, the girl has a tongue after all,” the woman looked back at her older daughter. “Don't let this happen again, and be thankful it was me who walked in and not your father. Am I clear?”

With a relented nod from both daughters, she continued, “now I think it's about time your friend decided to make leave.”

“Actually, we were planning on heading out soon.” Clarke raised her brow at the words spilling from the brunette but didn't question it, “I need to check out a book for my chemistry class and Clarke offered me a ride.”

She could tell the patience of the woman was running thin, her pale blonde hair, turning grey at the temple, only accented the firmly placed scowl.

But even with her temper risen, the blonde could tell that she had nothing to counter the brunette's statement so she only nodded.

“Very well, but I expect you back before dark.”

“Of course,” Lexa stood and went to reach for Clarke's hand to help her up but froze when she remembered who poised watching, brushing off the gesture by grabbing a plate off the coffee table and taking it to the sink.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Ma’am,” she held out her hand once she’d stood and attempted to make her way to the door.

The woman eyed the outstretched hand with a curled lip before responding, “I would say the same but I think you can obviously tell it wasn't.”

Clarke swallowed audibly for probably the fifth time in the last ten minutes and lowered her hand along with her head. Not offering a retort, she quickly shuffled towards where Lexa waited with wide and scouring eyes. Which weren't aimed at her of course, but rather the very nefarious woman whom she left behind.

They made their way out of the house quickly after that, with Avery thankfully offering the distraction of homework that took the towering woman's intentions off them.

“It's a good thing you decided to change earlier isn't it?” She laughed quietly once the two of them had got into her truck and we're now settling from the tension and suffocation they’d just endured.

“Staying in your pajamas all day isn't exactly practical, Clarke,” the girls face finally calmed and was grinning at her so wide that she almost lost all of the air in her lungs. Those pearly white teeth and loopy smile could bring her to her knees any day.

“Not practical? Lexa, have you not lived a day in your life? Staying in pajamas from morning til dusk is basically what I live for.” She was having a hard time keeping her smile down now that they could breathe again, and all she wanted to do was burst out laughing while clutching the other girl close in her arms.

Lexa hummed in consideration, “you might just have to show me your ways then.”

“I just might.”

Again with the damn _smiles_.

“Anyways,” she turned the key and the abrupt rumble of the engine caused them both to jump slightly, “are we really going to the library?”

“God, no,” Clarke chuckled at the disgusted face the girl made, her brows furrowed behind her glasses and lips curled in such a manner that she almost reached out to brush her finger along their soft surface to calm them.

“I just needed to get out of there. I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like that.”

“No harm done, as long as I'm with you I could never be bothered.” Clarke spoke softly, beaming at the blush rising from the girl's nose and spreading along the edge of her cheeks, right above her jawline.

They sat for a couple minutes in the cabin, letting the truck warm them up as well as each other's presence from the earlier catastrophe. The quiet and tranquil serenity they had created seemed to follow them wherever they went, it was a strange sort of comfort that formed pretty quickly after only knowing each other for about two months.

She sat on her side of the vehicle, watching the snow build around them, covering the small neighborhood. Every parked car was complemented with a hat of white, as were front porches and rooftops and lawns. Her gaze found a family of four roaming their yard, kids dressed to their noses in warm clothing and parents tumbling around on the unstable ground. Clarke smiled at the frilliness of it all, at the memories she had of doing the same and at the pure joy radiating from the happy family, whose busy bodies seemed to be constructing that of a snowman.

And then it clicked.

“I know what we're doing,” she spoke after what seemed like forever to the other girl. The words making her figure jump slightly as the blonde released the brake and gripped the gearshift until they had started moving slowly down the road.

“And what would that be exactly?” Lexa laughed at what she could only presume was the over eager and excited expression on her face, but she couldn't bother to glare at the girl.

“We're gonna have some fun.”

“Fun?” She could picture the cocked eyebrow from where she sat but the treacherous conditions of the road before them had her eyes locked elsewhere.

“Only the best of fun, of course.”

A low giggle had her chest fluttering and shoulders light, “if you say so.”

~

“This doesn't look like _fun_ , Clarke.”

She gasped from where she had trudged out into the open expanse of snow covered ground, “what do you mean this doesn't look like fun?”

Clarke stretched out her arms at the tree surrounded area, a spot that she and her father had found while out trekking for a new fishing spot back when she was little. The small area was almost completely flat and hidden by the swathe of towering oaks and Douglas firs. Their branches held most of the snow above their heads as they had driven along the remote path, but the clearing was wide open to the works of the weather.

Lexa stayed huddled near her open door of the truck, seeking the warmth of the inside that was rapidly diminishing. Her arms wrapped around herself but Clarke knew that she wasn't that cold due to the two jackets the girl wore _over_ a sweater.

“What, have you never played in the snow before?” She called, as the distance between them was more than a couple feet, her hands were shoved in the pockets of her long coat and she smirked at the solitary figure. Whose hair was covered in specks of white that also rimmed her glasses and red, exposed ears.

“Not really, no. I quite prefer the secure embrace of a roof and fire than frolicking in one of hyperthermia and damp socks.” The girl's nose scrunched as she eyed the snow that reached above her ankles.

“Wow, way to be a Debby Downer,” she chuckled after trying to hold a serious tone and Lexa glared at her with sharp green eyes that she could still define in the distance between them. The viridian of the trees and fallen leaves only extenuating their rich color.

“What? It's the truth.”

“The truth?” She raised an eyebrow and began to slowly approach the brunette who eyed her conscientiously, “sounds more like someone who hasn't had a full experience of the wonders of snow.”

“Clarke,” the girl had gone stiff as she stood only a foot before her now.

“Lexa?”

She reached a hand up to brush along the girl’s cheek, her stomach screaming and heart pounding as she tried to hold in a giggle at Lexa’s utterly confused gaze. The brunette's eyes flickered between her two blue ones as Clarke leaned closer, foregoing the girl's face as she brushed her lips along the opposite cheek until she was only an inch from her ear. The shudder that ran through the girl under her fingertips made the blonde smirk.

“I think it's time we expanded your comprehension of _fun_ ,” the whisper ghosted over a small ear as she rose her other hand behind the girls back.

And in two seconds, the warm and bubbly girl in her arms met a handful of cold snow down the length or her back, causing the stoic brunette to jump away with a squeal.

“ _Clarke_!”

She laughed, _hard_. The rough sounds racking through her body as she doubled over, hand clenching her stomach as the girl in front of her danced around, trying to lift the back of her multiple jackets to free the snow.

“I'm gonna kill you!” Lexa screamed, her tone low but eyes betraying the sense of fear she wanted to instill in the blonde.

Clarke gasped as the brunette reached down to grab snow, throwing it in her face only a second later. She sputtered, clearing her eyes of ice cold crystals only to find a smirking brunette.

“Oh, it's on.”

The girls launched into a full blown snowball fight, handfuls of snow flying here and there as bodies ducked in and out of the cover of trees. Lexa was a better shot than Clarke expected and she soon found herself almost drenched in melted snow. Her hair had fallen out of its tie long ago and flowed free, curling in the cold air and obscuring her vision as it flew unceremoniously 

The brunette whom she held combat with didn't fair much better, as her braids had started to come undone and the frizzy state of her hair began to show. Both girls wore wild looks as they continued on in their dispute, covered in the white flakes of snow and clothes sticking to their freezing skin. Laughter and screams filled the air around them, joining the small sounds of animals and the distant crashing waves. Branches creaked and two girls squealed and all seemed alright in the small clearing of the Agnes Creek forest.

Clarke wasn't sure how long they'd been out there, but the sky's light blue color from earlier had grown a little more pinkish with the onslaught of clouds. She could see Lexa hidden behind a nearby tree, as her head poked around it every so often in search of the unbeknownst blonde.

Slowly, she had been making her way closer to the brunette, just so she could get the jump on her and finally hit her with snow, again. For the brunette had somehow developed the skills of a ninja and she couldn't for the life of her get one good shot on the girl.

When the head disappeared again, she made two bounding leaps until she reached the tree just to the right of the green eyed figure. The quiet forest and snow padded ground disguising her to be one of its own. She could hear the soft but loud breaths of the brunette, trying to fill her lungs in the bone chilling weather.

It took only a few moments before the girl in her sights turned to peek out from behind the tree and she was off. Clarke dashed to the girl’s spot with a handful of snow, who turned toward her in surprise, mouth agape at the figure that was quickly closing in. She smirked as the girl took a step back in the few mere seconds she had, but then her boot caught on a hidden root beneath the snow and instead of approaching the girl she instead came crashing into her. Tackling the girl’s thinner frame to the ground and into the soft comfort of snow.

Or at least what she thought was a soft comfort, for the cry of pain that escaped the brunette's lips told her otherwise. Her gut clenched at the pained sound and she quickly scrambled off of the fallen girl, kneeling by her side as she looked down at the girls clenched teeth and hand clutching to her ribs.

“Lexa, oh my god, are you okay?” She wanted to reach out and comfort the girl, to hold her cheek or arm but she didn't know what was ailing her and she didn't want to make it worse.

The brunette gasped and nodded haphazardly, but the short intakes of breath and small tracks of tears along the girl's face were a dead giveaway.

“Don't lie to me, Lex. What happened?” She finally leaned over and held the girl’s upper arm softly, who in return clutched back and with help, rose to a sitting position.

Clarke eyed the ground where the girl had fallen and frowned in confusion, it was just grass. She knew that she'd barely landed on her, catching most of her fall on her knees and elbows, so the reaction that Lexa was trying to suppress seemed miscalculated.

“It's nothing, I'm fine. I think I just landed weird,” Lexa gasped out in short breaths, the small wheezing seeming to have died down and her breaths were starting to sound smoother.

She opened her mouth to speak again but froze, her gaze catching the arm that still clung tightly to the girl’s side. Without thought, she moved her free hand to touch that of the clutched one and the girl jerked back. Wide, tear stained eyes looking fearful behind a set of glasses that were smudged with snow and droplets of water.

“Lex…”

“It just hurts a little, but there's nothing wrong, okay?”

And then it hit her, she hadn't done this. The pain that the brunette was radiating was not from a recent occurrence and Clarke felt her breath catch in her throat. The glistening eyes watching her flickered and the blonde’s expression hardened, but not in a way that would scare the solicited being, quivering before her. 

“Lexa, please lift your shirt,” Her tone was firm, the earlier ease and lightness having filtered out.

“Wha- Clarke, it's like twenty degrees out here.”  The girl spoke quickly but from the uneven focus, she knew that wasn't what Lexa was worried about.

“Lexa, this isn't a joke. If you are seriously hurt I need to check it out to make sure you don't need to go to the hospital.” She knew that she was being a little extreme but the lodge in her throat and shaking hands weren't from the cold weather outside.

The girl kept glancing between her eyes, unsure of how she should continue. But at last, the girl slowly lowered her arm from her stomach and cast her eyes to the snow with a wince. Frail and trembling hands went to undue the first jacket button but Lexa could hardly grab hold of the small piece of plastic, causing her rapid breathing to pick up in the frustration of tears.

Clarke reached out and held the girl's hands in each of her own, blue eyes latching onto green with a look of integrity as her lips parted to speak tenderly, “can I help?”

In only a moment of decision, Lexa nodded and dropped her arms to her sides. Allowing Clarke full control of carefully removing the girls leather jacket, and then the unzipping of her letterman, until the girl was shivering in her sweater.

“Maybe we shoulda moved somewhere warmer,” she tried to lighten the mood and the girl chuckled softly.

“Yeah, probably.”

Clarke's fingers froze at the hem of the girl’s sweater, the frail fabric soft against her skin as she looked in question at uncertain, forest green eyes.

“Is this okay?” The turmoil of the situation that unfolded left her to forget what would actually entail. Her _doctor mode_ , as she called it, always seemed to block out any useless information, like the rules of normal social interactions. Leaving only the need to _fix_ or _mend_ , and everything else to be damned.

A small nod and a trusting expression had her hands slowly lifting the threaded material above a head of brunette locks. When the sweater was gone, she held eye contact for only a few seconds more before looking down at the bare skin. Her mind didn't even register the tan bra and silk smooth skin as her hand came to cover her mouth to stop the small cry wanting to escape.

Lexa's body along the left side of her ribs and down to the rest of her stomach was a patchwork of harsh browns, purples, and yellows. Thin cuts and scrapes scattered along the expanse of the bruised skin made sight just that more horrendous for such a kind and quiet girl.

She could feel the tears that had begun to seep from her eyes and down her cheeks as she ever so gently reached out to trace that damaged skin. Lexa flinched slightly but didn't back away, instead leaning into the touch as if it offered comfort than pain. Clarke spread her fingers until she had her palm against the warm skin, testing to see if it was as bad on the inside as it was on the out. Her vast knowledge of broken ribs and damaged skin seeming to fail her as all she could think about was _who_ could have done this to the brunette.

Lexa quickly jumped in to try and alleviate the stricken look on her features, “it's okay, I'm fine, I can hardly even feel it."

"This isn't _okay_ , Lexa. Who did this to you? Was it those kids from the drive-in?” Her voice was wavering and breaking like crazy but she didn't care about any of that or anything else besides the trembling girl in her arms.

At the silent response of the brunette and the fact that the girl wouldn't hold her gaze gave her the answer, “this is far beyond bullying, Lex, this is _assault_."

Lexa shook her head, "I'm used to it, it's what they've always do-"

"No! Lexa, you can't keep letting this happen. They should go to jail for this," Clarke's hands began to shake again, one clenched into a fist on Lexa’s thigh where it rested while the other was still splayed against her ribs, warmth vibrating between them as Clarke could feel her heart rate pick up from the frantic beating beneath her hands.

"Clarke, no, I can't-”

“Yes, you can. Just go to the police, they'll take care of it all, they can-”

“Clarke, I _can't_!” Lexa just about yelled at her and she stopped.

The brunette's body was shivering from the cold so violently that Clarke finally released her and handed back the sweater. “I can't, Clarke, you _know_ that. If I say anything, _anything_ at all, they'll tell everybody about what they saw and it would ruin my father's career as well as everything I've built for myself here. 

“Why are you so scared about something that isn't true? If they tell anyone just set them straight."

Lexa stilled at that, one arm inside of the black letterman with the other still hovering while trying to pull it on. “Isn't true?”

She tilted her head questionably at Lexa’s equally puzzled expression, “yeah, you're not gay so why do you have anything to worry about?”

The girl didn't respond to that for a few seconds before she started to laugh. Full on bursts of gut clenching laughter was spilling from the girl’s plump lips and Clarke was lost as she watched the girl struggle to pull back on clothing while containing her chuckles.

“God, Clarke, is it seriously not obvious?” Bright green eyes watched her from behind smudged glass and Clarke’s words were getting stuck in her throat as any thought process she had took a tumble.

At no response, Lexa sighed, “I am very _much_ gay, Clarke. Like, I am the biggest fucking lesbian you're gonna find in this town.”

A dorky smile found itself on the girl's lips and if Clarke wasn't at a loss for words before, she sure as hell was now.

“But, you never said…you didn't even _mention.._.”

“How was I supposed to? I couldn't just, bring it up in conversation like, ‘ _Hey, Clarke, did you know that I think girls are amazing and beautiful and I wish I could date one?_ ’. That's not exactly a great conversation starter.” Lexa still chuckled as if all previous events hadn't even happened.

“And,” her voice quieted a bit, falling back into her normal cautious and soft tone, “I thought I made it quite clear at the drive-in.”

When Lexa's eyes started to downcast again, she quickly reached out to hold her cheek once more. “No! No, you did, you totally did, I’m just, I've been a complete fucking dumbass. I figured that since I was the one in your lap that I was pushing you into something you didn't want. But I get it now, I do. Or, at least I think I do.” She smiled and Lexa nodded, eyes closed for a moment as some of the tension seemed to leave her form.

“But Lex, this doesn't mean you can just ignore what's going on.”

“I know, but I don't know what else I can do. Just let me deal with it, okay?” Her eyes pleaded and she couldn't help but let it go.

“Fine, just,” a deep breath and a hopeful look in green eyes had her continuing. “Be careful? Please? Don't let it get this bad, again.”

“I won't, I swear.”

“Okay.” She brushed her thumb along the cheek under her fingertips, locking her eyes with vibrant green until she realized where they were and the fact that she couldn't feel her legs or backside anymore.

“We should probably get out of here,” she giggled quietly and Lexa joined.

“Yeah, probably." 

“You wanna get some hot chocolate?” Clarke switched her gaze from the hand still on the girl's cheek to the sincere look fixed on her.

“Is that even a question?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW. IM SORRY. But come on, it's like three times as long as usual so that makes up for it right? Anyways, hope you enjoyed it, please leave feed back, I love to hear it!
> 
> Also, if you want to hear about my amazing weekend last week, please continue, otherwise just leave a comment and be on your way ;)
> 
> SO. WHERE DO I START. Last weekend I went to a Hayley Kiyoko concert and idk if you all know who that is but she's basically the ICON for lgbt people in music, she wrote the song Girls Like Girls and also has a bunch of other songs surrounding wlw by using feminine pronouns. So yeah, I went to see her, it was AMAZING, but then when I left it turned out my car go towed, which sucked ass but you know what didn't suck ass? The fact that when I went to go get help, I walked back into the venue AND HAYLEY KIYOKO WAS JUT CHILLING IN THERE and I got to see her and talk to her and hug her and she helped me out with the whole thing and it was AMAZING. So that's what happened with me, and I'm still like shaking over a week later. Oh well, it was awesome, I hope you guys are awesome too and have a good day!
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	13. Cherry Coke and Lilac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm the worst, I'm sorry. My life has been hella busy though and I've had little time to write but here you go, enjoy :)
> 
> (Also name change!!! I'm no longer LostHeda)

The dull roar of an ocean, of waves crashing against pale sand, carrying broken seashells and small pebbles as it pushes and pulls against the dormant land, was something you grew used to when living close to a beach. Its echoing noise, the shallow scrape and light splash, was the ever present background that carried people through their short time in these small towns. A noise that, after only a couple weeks of residing in the dreary atmosphered area, became tuned out and left to its own accord as it rendered useless to people's daily lives.

The small murmur, it was a constant, it was eternal, perpetual. Much like most of the things that people tend to ignore during their existence. Like the creak of wooden paneling on the fourth step of a childhood home, the crack along a segment of sidewalk that gets jumped over without much thought, the short walk towards downtown with its twists and turns that have become basically the back of a young brunette’s hand.

Ocean waves are just another instance, another thing that's there but nobody really pays attention, nobody notices, nobody cares.

Except when cold feet and bare toes pad in the soft sand, tiny molecular rocks filling the spaces between the tiny appendages. That's when it can fully hit someone, that's when it fully hits Lexa. For now the waves aren’t in the distance, they're right beside her, rumbling through her stomach and whispering into her ears with pleasant crashes.

It's slick surface of dark blue and aphotic green, broken by the bubbles of crocus salt, reflected the evening sun. Waves of orange and red and yellow lapping at the sand, as if it fed them like a mother would to a child, propelling them further to act more vibrant and extraordinary with their rise and pull.

The sight was truly astounding, one that she didn't set her gaze upon enough. And even today, with its beautiful texture and celestial sounds, she still could hardly give it the time of day. Considering that along with its beauty, the chilly winds, pulling at her borrowed hat and scarf, could hardly be noticed due to the presence of another.

Another who clung to her arm and evaded all feeling of cold, both physically and mentally. Who leaned further and further into her side as the ocean mist around them grew denser and the sun sunk lower and the winds grew sharper. Whose blue eyes were far more attractive and fervent than any ocean beyond them.

It was the presence of a girl who slowly but surely was stealing her heart and she still didn't have the gut to tell her. Or even mention the possibility that they could _be_ , that they could have more and do more and _see_ more. And as much as she wanted to blame it on her situation, deep down she knew that although it played a factor, it wasn't the sole cause.

She was scared.

Absolutely _mortified_ at the thought of losing the blonde who was laughing in her ear, whose hair tickled her cheek as it blew around haphazardly.

Petrified, that one of her three constants could simply vanish, trickle through her fingers and sink below the floor under her feet.

And she simply couldn't allow that, _wouldn't_ allow that. As much as it pained her to hold the girl close and wish for more, she knew that it was better than the alternative. That maybe someday she could grow used to it.

But then the tugging at her arm had her thoughts squabbled and lost just like every other time they came to mind. Thoughts of dread and abandon were forgotten to blue once more, causing her to smile at the goofy grin splayed along the woman's face next to her.

“It's nice of you to join me again. Where've you been?” The cheeky grin only furthered the pounding of her veins and spread the red in her cheeks. She could only hope that it would be played off as the cold.

“Nowhere in particular, just wondering how you were able to drag my butt down to probably the coldest beach in North America.” They continued to stroll down the coast, bare feet sinking with each step in the chilling but comforting sand. Their shoes long forgotten, back where they left them in the truck.

Clarke grinned and began to pull away slightly, loosening her grip on the taller girl's arms as if to let go. “You are more than welcome to head back. If this is such a bother then, please, don't let me keep you.”

When the wind and weather began to seep into the warm space between them she quickly tugged the girl back. Only widening the grin that bared pearly white teeth, “I guess it's not _that_ bad.”

With a hmph, Clarke tucked deeper into her side, burrowing her head in the space between Lexa’s shoulder and neck while clinging to her arm like a koala.

“That's what I thought.”

The two girls continued on along the billowing sands for another couple of minutes. Losing the distance between them and their vehicle, the distance between them and the responsibility of having the world on their shoulders. And suddenly, Lexa understood why she had been drug out here.

It was the ocean cast into sea of unend and the tall sandy hills, topped with bracken ferns and tufted hair grass, that hid them from the peering eyes of any other. The isolation and expanse of the unknown, was exactly what she had always been trying to find. A system, a foundation in which she could relax her shoulders and breath as if for the first time, was something she thought she could only find in the confines of brick walls and white fairy lights. But yet here, out in the open, the same feeling of contempt and ease spread across her chest like grasslands being lit by a single match.

Out here they were free; they were whole and allowed to be who they wished. Her eyes lit at the realization, their green essence illuminating her features as she studied the girl on her arm. Her tongue, wanting to lift and form words only her soul could ever describe, was blocked by her tiny and stubborn, decision-making frontal lobe. So she settled for the way her eyes spoke, how they voiced volumes she could not as they darted around Clarke's saltwater sheened face. Tracing the slope of her nose and the curls of her eyelashes, across weather reddened cheeks and down the jut of bright pink lips. The bottom only slightly more swollen for all the times it had been caught by the girl's upper set of teeth.

She looked and memorized and awed over the girl, hoping that Clarke had been paying more attention to their path than she had.

“Is there a reason that you brought me out here, besides trying to freeze my ass off?” She finally broke the silence after having been caught staring only moments before. Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and a small tilt of her head had the blonde tucking her smile towards her chest.

“A few, the first being I just wanted to take a walk on the beach…”

Lexa huffed at that and Clarke squeezed her arm with a playful glare, their steps falling in sink as they leisurely continued on an unknown path. “The second being I just really wanted to get out and do something, it's the middle of February and I'm getting sick of being cooped in ‘cause of the weather.” She could only nod at the words, but yet the numbness of her feet had her wishing for the warm indoors of the blonde’s apartment.

“Lastly,” they came upon one of the many sets of logs that formed an odd shaped circle for bonfires along the shore, their wooden surface corroded from the wind and rain and the occasional pull of salt water. Sand and moss were more than uncomfortable when she was pulled down to sit upon one, but looking at the eagerness in small pools of blue had her blind to the situation beneath them. “I happened upon something I had totally forgotten about underneath my mess of letters by the door.”

“Do you mean that small package you've been less than discreetly trying to hide from me this whole time?” Her eyes glanced towards the arm that still covered said object in the blonde’s lap, the woman's coat sleeves being long and wide, covering its surface with ease.

Clarke pouted at the words, her bottom lip pushing further ahead than the one above and Lexa had to internally force herself to look back at the blue eyes pleading into hers.

“Gosh, I'm kidding,” she giggled. “What did you find?”

“Well if you're gonna be that way then maybe-”

“Clarke.”

“Right, sorry,” the blonde smiled sheepishly and Lexa found her own lip tucked between her teeth unceremoniously.

“This,” she withdrew the item from beneath her arms, sleeves slipping past her hands and along her wrists to show the pale and shivering hands holding out a carefully wrapped package.

It didn't take Lexa long to figure out what it was.

“This is the gift that I was gonna give to you for Christmas,” she pulled it back towards her carefully after the big display of shoving it forward. “Obviously I don't expect something back or anything of the sorts, I just really wanted to get you something. I guess, I'm not really sure why, but to thank you?”

“To thank me?” She could feel the smile stretching her features but she did nothing to slow its progression.

“Yeah, for, you know.” Clarke waved her hand carelessly as if that would help put an idea in her head.

“No, yeah, _of course_.” She laughed and received a glare for probably the hundredth time that day.

“I don't know how to explain it, Lex.” She grumbled but her serious tone had the playful jibe on Lexa's tongue fizzle away.

“But ever since you came into my life I don't think I've ever felt this _free_ and relaxed. The ability to just be myself isn't something I've been able to do since I was in high school, so…”

Clarke looked up from the package and Lexa watched relief fill the woman's eyes when they caught the open and smiling expression on her face. “Thank you, for being you. Now take this stupid thing before I continue to bury myself in a hole of sap.”

Her words were caught in her throat at the integrity of the situation when the green box was placed into her hands. The wrapping paper crinkled and was ice cold to the touch but that didn't dither her grin. It didn't seem to matter how she acted or who she was, Clarke could always find the right words to clog her throat and set her heart running at a pace unimaginable to man.

Trembling fingers slowly peeled back the paper, finding its taped folds to carefully unveil its contents. She could feel the impatient gaze boring into the side of her head and couldn't help but giggle at the quietly muttered words, complaining that _of course_ she actually unwrapped presents instead of tearing into them. But she was never one for damage, rather taking pride in the careful craftsmanship of a wrapped gift.

Her hands froze when she finally peeled back most of the thin paper, eyes quickly scanning over the boxed item before lifting to uncertain blue ones. The blonde was searching for any kind of reaction and her heart was constricting at her conflicting thoughts.

“Clarke…” What she held in front of her wasn't something she had ever talked about, not even _mentioned_ let alone shared with others. And it certainly wasn't something that a cashier could afford easily.

“I watched you, at the store, whenever I had you fill the case, or whenever you walked by it really, I watched your eyes linger and the gentle care you handled each one with.” Her eyes flitted, still unsure of the decision she’d made.

Lexa looked back down at the box, the box that held one of the newest modeled Kodak cameras. Something that she had yearned for since a child, not this exact one obviously, but just a camera that she could call her own. One which she could capture whatever her heart desired, so that she could show others how _she_ saw the world. So that maybe, everyone would understand why she couldn't voice what she felt, because it could only ever be explained by that which surrounded her.

Children laughing on swing sets and birds cluttering the man who fed them bread crumbs every Saturday morning.

The things she _saw_ , the things she _felt,_ weren't explainable through words. They were occurrences, events, circumstances that she kept and carried with her in the back of her mind. But now.

 _Now_ , she could capture. She could hold, she could revisit, reimagine. She could _relive_ and _relearn_ all that she had encountered.

And it was all unlocked by the simple key of the bestowed object in her lap.

“I hope it's alright, I wasn't sure which one exactly -”

“Clarke, no, it's _perfect_.” She leant forward and grasped the blonde’s cold hand resting in her lap.

Relief flooded the small oceans she had come to endear and a bright smile replaced unease. “Really?”

“Of course, Clarke, I don't even know how to thank you. It's-” her eyes fluttered from blue eyes to hands that slowing were entwining to the boxed camera in her lap and back. “It's _amazing_ but I don't think I can accept this, the price-”

“Was nothing,” Clarke quickly cut in on her words and she shut her mouth. “The store gives bonuses and let’s just says that mine actually went to good use last year.”

“You sure?”

“Most definitely,” she felt the warming fingers wrapped around her own give a small squeeze and the tightening in her chest let up a bit. “Now you can show the world how _you_ see it. Capture all the brilliance that your mind observes and picture all the beautiful things unfolding before you.”

“I don't, I don't know how to thank you.” She gulped and Clarke tightened their hold.

“You don't have to; just knowing that you'll put the thing to good use will be enough for me.”

Their eyes stayed locked after that, smiles matching on either of the woman's lips as the wind blew through them. Sweeping and curling hair around reddened faces, dusting their jackets with sand and brightening the glimmer in each other’s eyes.

A thought occurred in her head then, an idea that had her releasing Clarke's hand for just a moment to quickly unbox the camera in her lap. Thankfully it came loaded with film as she examined the item to make sure it was in fine condition before raising it to her eye at a puzzled but still smiling Clarke. It's black surface, textured and dull in the foggy air around them, reflected the small flash as it burned her first photo. She could already see the beach beaten girl sitting in the frame, wild hair and damp clothes surrounding her confused but goofy grin as the sun set against the ocean behind her. A picture she couldn't help but want developed that instant.

When the camera was brought back to her lap, with eyes roaming it's brand new and undamaged surface, a cold hand came back to grasp her own once more.

“What was that for?” Clarke's eyes gleamed with her brow still cocked to the side.

“You told me to capture the things I found beautiful, so I did.” She was confused as to why the girl couldn't see that but didn't push it. Only smiling at the bashful expression spreading along Clarke's features and, what she could only imagine, were red ears tucked underneath a knitted wool cap.

~

Now that she thinks about it, the taste of blood should probably be another constant written down in her tiny internalized journal of nonsense. It's coppery flavor, bitter to the point where she would spit it out if not for the face hovering oh so close to her own and that she could barely breathe, seeps through her lips from the split that had just healed. Coating her teeth and making her tongue retreat to the roof of her mouth. It's a taste the she had become accustomed to, especially in these early months of the year where it seemed like every day she was having the vile liquid pore from some part of her body. A taste that she would never really forget.

And it wasn't just the flavor; it was the smell, and the burning pain that followed. It was the fear that built after the first taste, the tightening throat and freezing veins. That was her constant, not just the blood, but the mind numbing, limb freezing, chest tightening _fear_ which laced her days on the school grounds together.

Today was no different.

Except for the fact that today, she was most definitely sure that she was going to die

Cage Wallace, otherwise known as the pristine, rich kid of the school, was also the biggest asshole anyone could find. He was old money, and he knew it. The boy found pleasure in the derailing of others, felt powerful in their suffering as he stood tall before it all. And poor Lexa, she had always received the blunt end of it all.

Ever since middle school, when she showed up in her freshly ironed shirt and new pointed end glasses, his eyes had been set on her and her alone. His abrasive demeanor only growing worse through the years until the point where each of their encounters left the girl barely scrambling to hold herself together.

But today, today was different. Today he had grabbed her from the crowded halls after the last bell had rung on a Friday afternoon in late February. Dragging her to the place behind the solid wall of the outdoor cafeteria despite her pleas, one she had come to deem as _their spot_. It wasn't some cute name either, wasn't an endearing term like couples used when they found their place of meeting. It was the place that no one could see unless they really looked, and although most teachers knew about it, nobody really cared.

Out of sight out of mind she guessed.

Today his fists seemed relentless, uncaring if they would leave visible marks for others to question. His usual arrogant demeanor was instead replaced by a power hungry and steaming child. Eyes black with anger and breaths hot with unsettled turmoil, which only left Lexa to be the punching bag.

Her lip split from a calculated throw, ribs rebrusied again and again until tears were streaming down her face but she could not utter a peep. Not a sound.

She could not fight back, not retaliate, not block. For the moment she did the world she had built for the past eighteen years would come crumbling down around her. One which she had just started to find happiness in. One with stability and a home and maybe not an actual blood related family but one that was a hell of a lot close to it.

The moment she defied the onslaught of pain was the moment his lips would spill the one thing she had kept dear to herself and those close to her. The one thing that could rip her apart completely and she could not let that happen.

 _Wouldn't_ , let that happen.

So she bit her tongue and took another curled fist to her cheek. His fingers thankfully empty of any rings or instruments of destruction. After a few more weak attempts at trying to injure her further, throws which she could have easily ducked under, he advanced forward until his forearm was pressed against the column of her throat, holding her against the rough surface of the weather corroded wall. She could smell the tobacco on his lips and in his breath as he sneered at her, the pressure raising her so that her toes were barely touching the dirt beneath them anymore.

It was because of the lack of emotion, or any empathy at all, in the boy's eyes that her hands finally came scraping along his arm to try and pull it away. The aloofness and uncaring stability in the actions of the other had her realizing that maybe fighting back was all she really could do. Because as much as she wanted her secrets kept hidden, her life was not worth the ultimate downfall.

Dull nails tugged at worn denim, trying to grab hold as her breath was becoming harder and harder to take in. She couldn't focus, her dilated pupils, shaking madly, wouldn't hold onto one thing in particular as much as she would have hoped they could. Her chest was burning, and screaming, tearing at her insides and yet she couldn't utter a sound even if she wanted.

The feeling of her throat closing was something she didn't think she could ever forget, the complete cut off of oxygen and the black spots that began to appear in her vision was something that would haunt her nightmares for years to come.

But through it all, through the pain and blurry vision, through the sting of her lip and warm pooling of blood on the bottom row of her teeth, she could still see bright caramel eyes and radiating blue ones. She could hear their laughter, both broken and loud and breathless in their own way. Could feel the warm hug from her sister every morning and the softness of the blonde's skin beneath her fingertips.

The images of both girls in her mind had her lips lazily smiling and head lightly falling so that she never noticed when the arm on her neck finally let up. She didn't feel the ground make contact with her feet once more or feel the wall scrape up her back as she slumped to the ground. It wasn't until warm and gentle fingers were cupping her chin that her eyes focused from the fallen boy beside her to blown, fright filled eyes only inches before her own.

“Lexa, oh my god.”

Her breath had a hint of mint and she couldn't help but giggle at the thought. That maybe she had just brushed her teeth after waking from a nap.

“Fuck, Lex-”

Fingers traced her neck and along her cheek, until a thumb came to rest lightly on the cut splitting her lip. The earlier sting replaced by a dull and pleasant thrumming.

“Clarke,” she smiled up at the women but got nothing of the sorts in return. Only a look of relief, which clouded pained eyes for a fraction until they hardened and suddenly reminded her of dangerous black ones from earlier.

“Clarke, don't be mad.” Lexa reached to cup the older girl’s cheek as well. Running her thumb from the base of her chin and towards the worry line forming from taught eyebrows. “I'm sorry.”

Blue eyes broke at that, and Lexa’s mind was scrambling to fix it again when she pulled away. Standing up from where she crouched over the brunette to face the boy that had begun to climb to his feet.

Lexa's hand hung in the air, gripping nothing after the blonde left her touch as she watched the woman shove her earlier perpetrator further away.

She could see small hands come into contact with the delirious boys chest again and again but no words or sounds seemed to be emitted from the action. Lexa sat, frozen in panic and confusion as she watched Clarke advance the boy further and further from where she sat until his foot tripped and the blonde fell with him. Fists flailing much like his had done only moments before, but now the blonde was in control and she could only watch as the boy she had feared became nothing but dead weight beneath Clarke.

 _Her_ Clarke.

The wonderful and smiling, boisterous Clarke who brought her out of the shell she had called her home. The beautiful and soft, giggling Clarke who made her fears seem like mere disturbances. The blunt and fearless, powerful Clarke who was beating the absolute shit out of the person that had made her high school years a living hell.

She felt numb.

And she couldn't place if it was pleasant or bothersome, if the fact that she couldn't feel the blood bumping behind her bruises and through her lip should be concerning or allow for a moment of relief. She could see Clarke slamming into Cage, could wince at the hits but yet she could barely hear a thing until Clarke's cries began to flow into the mix. When each throw she threw carried along a choked sob and then she was one her feet.

Then she was wrapping her arms around Clarke's trembling midriff, drawing the girl to her chest and away from the boy passed out on the ground. Pulling her away as she felt the drastic intake and release of breaths flowing through the girl's chest.

Clarke was crying in her arms and she couldn't recall why.

When the blonde had calmed, her back still pressed to Lexa's front, she turned and bore her gaze into shimmering green eyes. They stood there, for what seemed like ages as Clarke's hands came to cup her chin once more. Her thumb gently brushing against the cut on her lip to wipe away the blood while the other, ever so carefully, traced the forming bruise along her neck. Shaking fingers tracing the pulsing blue veins, revealed and crawling around her neck.

Lexa watched Clarke study her intensely, could see spots of blood tracing her cheeks that she knew weren't her own. She skipped over the harsh breaths cutting through the girl's throat, surpassed the reddened nose and freckled cheeks until she locked onto burning blue eyes, brimmed with unshed tears.

Lexa wanted them to lock with her’s, too, wanted them to stop examining her features so that she could actually speak up and unclog her throat. It took only a few more moments until they did.

And it only took the single contact for Clarke's arms to slide around her shoulders and pull her close. Almost suffocating her if she hadn't found such comfort with her face being buried in the crook of Clarke's neck. Lexa rose her arms to wrap securely around the blonde's waist and then they were one.

One being, joined in blood and tears, with hiccupping gasps and rough breaths. Her mind thought back to the boy lying only feet away and she squeezed her eyes shut, shaking as she tightened her grip from the thought of what _could_ have happened. At what almost and would have happened if it weren't for the girl in her arms.

Her breathing stopped for a fraction of a second as she relived the moment again and again until the arms around her shoulders lowered to run soothingly along her back. With quiet whispers and praises being whispered into her neck she broke. Her shoulders slumped and the strength she used to hold the girl close to her vanished. But Clarke quickly upheld her end of the bargain and kept Lexa upright in her arms, holding her so that she wouldn't fall completely.

“Clarke-” her voice was harsh from the sobs racking through her body, Lexa's trembling hands sliding between them until she was clutching at the girl's jacket.

“It's okay,” a warm hand traveled up her back and she felt it comb through her messy brown curls, such a simple act but her body shuddered at the relief it brought. “You're okay, you're safe.”

She's _safe_.

Lexa had to constantly remind herself of that little fact. That she was in Clarke's arms, not his, and that it was Clarke's hands running along her spine and over her shoulder blades, that it was Clarke's fingers tangled in her hair and that it was _Clarke_ whispering comfortingly into her shoulder.

She continued to sob but that didn't slow down Clarke's words or pushback her soothing embrace. It only seemed to spur it further and after a while the choked and horrendous noises began to calm until it was only sputtered breaths filtering from her throat.

Clarke turned so that Lexa felt her nose and lips press into the side of her head, felt the heat from the small words uttered softly, “you're safe.”

And her fists slowly unclenched.

She was safe.

~

“How did you find me?”

It was the first thing that had been spoken ever since they'd gotten back to Clarke's apartment. After Clarke had carefully ushered Lexa to her truck and then from the cabin towards the welcoming peace of warm brick walls and a running furnace.

Lexa had awkwardly stood in the center of the place before finally crumpling into Clarke's sheets, which smelled of the women with her vanilla shampoo and lemon scented perfume. It encased the girl, not prompting her to move until Clarke had wondered over minutes later, hands full of small bandages and bottles of liquids she knew would burn. One stern look had Lexa sitting up from where she lay and a hesitant Clarke climbing smoothly into her lap, straddling her hips with calves pressed against her thighs. The feeling was electrifying and Lexa had to audibly swallow before relaxing under the touch.

From there, Clarke delicately wiped away the blood and inspected the numerous amount of cuts, applying small band aids where needed. The result left her looking like a patched up teddy bear and she could see the glimmer of laughter in Clarke's eyes, only dying to escape.

At the sad expression fighting its way from the blonde's features and the gentle touch of a thumb to her split lip, the question had been whispered and Clarke stilled.

“You never came out.” Her blue eyes were soft and looked on the verge of crying again but Lexa could tell the girl had herself under more control than what was let on.

And she realized that it was true. They had made a daily habit of meeting at the entrance of Lexa's school every afternoon; Clarke parked in her usual spot, leaning against her truck with an uncaring gaze which only broke when they caught each other's eyes.

The thought of Clarke standing alone for god knows how long had Lexa's chest tightening and lip trembling under a tender touch. “I'm sorry.”

“No, don't apologize,” another warm hand came to caress under her chin and her heart rate picked up. Her senses, which were already on fire from having the girl so close, from the feeling of Clarke's weight on her lap and the tingling sensation in her fingertips where they rested against the hem of Clarke's shirt, increased tenfold as the hint of mint hit her nose once more. “You have nothing to be sorry for, none of this was your fault. Hell, I should be the one apologizing for not showing up sooner. Or not putting a stop to this the moment I found out it was happening.”

“How did you know where to look?” The situation they had found themselves in was so quiet and placid that in between words, all that could be heard was the stuttering breaths of two girls trying to make peace in a cruel and hateful world.

Lexa looked up at Clarke as she rolled the last word of the question off her tongue, it wasn't often that the girl poised taller than her and it sent an elated feeling to the depths of her chest.

Clarke sighed and tucked a loose piece of brown hair back behind Lexa's ear, delicate fingers following the curve of skin until resting against a lone shoulder once more. “Bullies don't change much in two years and I guess neither do teachers. People like Cage used to take kids behind there even when I was in high school. So when you didn't come out,” she paused, eyes cast down to fingers which had been playing with the neckline of Lexa's shirt. “It was the first place I could think of.”

They looked at each other again a mutual understanding seemed to pass between the small stretch of distance between them. Which now that Lexa thought about it, was only a couple inches as she quickly flickered her gaze down to a set of soft lips. The bottom tucked tight under the bite of teeth and she wanted nothing more than to release it herself.

But then the weight above her shifted and suddenly Clarke was getting up, removing herself from Lexa's lap and she couldn't help but trail her hands along the girl's waist as she let go, yearning for the warmth and contact.

“Come on, Casanova,” Clarke leant back down from where she stood to adjust Lexa's glasses, the ones she’d found on the ground as they left the school, sidling them back up to the bridge of her nose. “Let's go relax with a bowl of popcorn and a movie.”

“Can you make hot chocolate?” Her lips spread to a childish grin, causing the split to sting but she didn't care. And suddenly the earlier nickname didn't seem valid, if the gleam in Clarke's eyes was any indication.

“Sure thing, I'll even let you pick what we're watching.”

The two girls whipped around the place before finally settling on the couch, Blade Runner played before the two as it was Lexa's turn to curl into Clarke. A steaming bowl of their buttered snack and an overly warm comforter strewn across them had all thoughts of earlier dissipated to the unknown. Split lips and broken whispers faded to the sound of Replicants and their fight against society. Dried tears and hesitant touches lost to a dystopian narrative that would hopefully stay that way.

~

It took quite a lot of willpower to extract herself from the hold Clarke had around her stomach in bed. Successfully slipping from the warm embrace was a mistake that she couldn't take back, even when she watched as empty arms curled in on themselves and a disgruntled crease formed between the woman's brows, she continued on the path away from the bed.

Lexa walked, bare feet padding against the cool wooden flooring, up to one of the tall windows surrounding the small apartment. It's frame fit the wall from floor to ceiling, barely leaving any space between the two as it stretched high above Lexa's head. The view from it was breathtaking, and she still wasn't sure how Clarke had come to afford a place with such a view. It's glass pane reflected the beach only a story or so down, it's sandy shore dispending towards the water's edge, where even at the dead of night waves licked and curled around the earth.

Farther yet, the ocean's waves crested an incandescent sky. Black overlayed purple, swirled with blues and pinks and reds and any color imaginable. Tangled together and speckled with tiny dots of shining stars. The sky, apropos to the calm water beneath, made everything seem brighter and more illuminated than it would during the day. Every source of light was reflected tenfold, making it seem more vibrant along with the world surrounding it.

And to Lexa, it was everything.

Ever since she was a kid she had found comfort in the stars. In the stories they held and the meaning each bundle could draw forth. The night sky was open and carefree, with wide ears that could listen to any plea or cry or whine that her tiny heart would hold. It enveloped every bruise she had, every heartbreak, every laugh, every smile.

Her dreams poured into its outstretched hands and it ate it up great fully with no judgment.

The shining sky reflected and she reflected back.

Just like the unnoticed squeak to her bedroom door and the small birthmark at the back of her neck, it was always there. Sitting, waiting, _being_.

Always there and not always noticed, but when it was, it meant the world and Lexa could lose herself in its great expanse.

Like she had now.

Her green eyes, tracing from star to star, path to path, smudge to smudge on the window’s surface, watched while her mind spoke. Her body buzzed from the warmth she had just excreted herself from, skin alight from soft touches of hands not belonging to her.

Lexa's mind couldn't do anything but wander towards the sleeping girl beside her. To her beautiful smile and contagious laugh, to her selfless disposition and gentle touch, day and night her mind was filled with an effervescent blonde, and as joyful as it had been at first. Now it was becoming worrisome.

Because she couldn't _really_ be falling for her that bad? Enough that the thought of being exposed seemed worth it if she could hold Clarke in her arms every night?

Not that it really mattered now, with everything that had happened to Cage it was only a matter of time before his lips spilled and she was outcast from the place in which she called home. Though truthfully the town wasn't her home, and neither was her actual house. People were where she found herself; it was in someone's presence that she could really call herself at home, like with Avery or Raven.

And with Clarke.

And there it was, that was the reason that her heart was racing and the blood felt hot as it coursed through her veins, from her chest and to her stomach and forearms and thighs and ending in her fingertips and toes. It burned, painful yet welcome, it made her stomach churn while eluting in butterflies. Weighed her down while lifting her up towards the stars she had yet to draw her eyes from.

It wasn't like she was looking at them now. The shining balls of ignited gas helped act as a barrier when she got lost in thought, her gaze focusing on that dimension past the world around her, where she could see her thoughts tumbling while remaining aloof in the environment.

There, in that bubble of existence, is where she found her turmoil. The thoughts that kept her from sleeping peacefully in an invigorating hold.

Could she love her?

At that, her chest shuddered as she drew in a deep breath, swallowing the fear and bile and resentment in a final answer.

She could.

Lexa _could_.

The realization clouded her senses to the sound and shuffling beside her, so that when warm arms, wrapped in a desiring blanket circled her waist, she jumped, and drew out a small chuckle from the girl behind her. Whose front slowly pressed into her back as she pulled Lexa closer, forehead pressed between stiff shoulders blades and a nose brushing against the t-shirt clinging to her midsection.

Lexa's eyes fell shut at the sensation of being held once more and she slumped into the embrace.

And it was then that a switch seemed to click in her chest. That the unsettled feeling seemed to slither away and all she could feel was the spread of warmth and an unmistakable softness. Her worries dimmed and dull thoughts bloomed into a bed of roses. Vines growing and crawling around the free spaces in Lexa's brain and body, curling their way around steady veins and muscle, wrapping themselves around her heart until it was as if she could breathe with ease.

Lexa _did_.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Clarke murmured into her back, the girl’s muffled voice still carrying the sleep filled, gravelly undertone and Lexa couldn't help but shiver at the sound.

“Thinking.”

Clarke hummed in consideration, the sound vibrating down Lexa's spine and to the soles of her feet, before turning so that her ear was pressed to the center of the taller girl’s back. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Lexa hesitated, her arms curling around the ones encircling her waist, gripping lightly to the blanket covered skin with slim fingers. “Do you know any constellations?”

Clarke considered it for a second before lifting her head so that her chin now rested on Lexa's shoulder, giving the girl full view of the sky as well as the questioning gaze of speckled green eyes.

“Just a few, the obvious ones like the Big and Little Dipper. Oh, and Orion's Belt!” She seemed pretty proud of herself, even in such a sleepy state that Lexa couldn't help but giggle.

“You are half correct,” Clarke made a tiny little offensive gasp, but in such a way that Lexa just smiled and continued, “all of those, while beings patterns in the stars, aren't actually constellations.”

She took a glance and only found curious contempt in heavy eyes. “The Big Dipper is actually part of Ursa Major, or what's visible anyway,” she lifted her hand to trace that stars against the window, though she knew that for Clarke, it would look like she was pointing at something else. “Do you know the myth behind it?”

Clarke shook her head gently, the action pushing a pleasant rush of warmth down Lexa's body as the girl’s movements finally came to a rest with her nose buried in the crook of Lexa's neck.

“The constellation is supposed to portray a bear, which derives from a tale connected to Boötes, the constellation beside it, whom is known to be a herdsman or bear hunter. If you dig deeper though, both originate from the early legends of the Greek gods. Where Boötes and Ursa Major were placed into the sky after Zeus intervened to prevent bloodshed. For Ursa Major was originally a woman, Callisto, and Boötes was her son, Arcas. Story has it, Zeus fell in love with Callisto and helped save her son from the bloodthirsty King. But after word spread to Zeus’s wife, Hera, he was forced to change Callisto into a bear for her own protection. When her son, Arcas, grew to be older, he didn't recognize his mother and gave chase. One which could only be ended by Zeus’s hand.”

When Lexa's voice quieted, she believed that Clarke had fallen asleep standing against her until loose arms tightened and the girl sucked in a quick breath. “How do you know all this?”

She shrugged, forgetting for a second that that was where Clarke's head lay and forcing the woman to lift her head completely. Now free from being locked in place, Lexa turned in Clarke's grip until they were face to face, noses only inches apart from one another.

“I like stars.” Lexa answered simply but the discontent look in Clarke's eyes made her continue.

“Ever since I was a kid I've liked them, the constellations and stories made me feel secure, they were my safe space.” She switched between Clarke's blue eyes, thankful for the clarity in which she could pinpoint the intricate details along the woman's face, now that she lacked the barrier of smudged glasses.

“Were?”

Lexa watched the question settle in Clarke's eyes but gave no response. It was then that a sort of realization passed through the woman's face and Clarke studied the taller girl for a moment.

“And now?”

“Now what?” The two had grown quieter and quieter since looking out the window, so that when Lexa uttered the small question she wasn't sure if Clarke had heard.

“Now where's your safe space?” But by the way that Clarke was looking at her, pouring an already answered question into Lexa's eager vision, she already knew. And the way that Clarke was leaning closer, if that were even possible, told Lexa she wasn't really looking for an answer either.

But it didn't stop her from giving one.

“It's you.”

Blue eyes, pools of sapphire and incandescent gold, widened in relief and surprise. Like the answer was known but hearing it set a new light on the situation.

Lexa was in awe at the way Clarke was looking at her, because she was giving her that _look_ , the look which made her heart stop and stomach ignite, the look that had her fingers trembling and heart clenching because there was so much power and longing behind it that Lexa would forget how to breath.

“You're my safe space.”

But by then Clarke was too close to her to have actually internalized the words. Her nose grazing against Lexa's as she heard the shuddered breaths being released between them. And when the taller girl nudged the others just slightly, so that her head would angle better for when they would ultimately draw closer. Clarke gave a tiny, almost inaudible intake of breath that seemed to suck the air right from Lexa's lungs.

“Is this okay?”

And Lexa almost melted because of _course_ this was okay. This was the _okayest_ thing that was happening right now, or ever really. And it wasn’t just okay, it was great, it was amazing. It was the only thing that had her heart fluttering and veins pounding. Had her stomach swooping with each laugh and each smile and each glance and it was a _burning_ sensation that was lighting every single one of her limbs on fire. Ignited with a small spark that traveled along her skin, numbing it to the outside world until it was tingling with pins and needles.

It was the way that a small touch could last a lifetime.

It was the way she would drown in a sea of blue that only existed in the mind and creation of the blonde before her.

It was the way that Clarke ate cereal every morning unless helped otherwise. It was the way Clarke hopped from segment to segment while they walked down the sidewalk, the way her face lit up every day when she picked Lexa up from school, the way she curled into her side when the would watch movies, the way she would shove her shoulder whenever she won while playing video games, the way she always ordered a cherry coke no matter where they went and would always form a kicked expression between her brows whenever they didn't have one.

It was the way she held Lexa's arm close no matter where they went, how she would tuck a hat down over Lexa's ears no matter the temperature and fix her collar if just to get close to her for a few moments.

Be damned with _okay_. This was needed, it was necessary, it was _inevitable._

So, she closed the fraction of distance between them, ignoring the shake of her clammy palms. She forgoes the barrier which held the tickle of warm breath and fleeting gazes, swallowing the gasp uttered from chapped lips that she finally took between her own. She welcomed the soft hum and catching of breath, the thrumming beat beneath warm skin which her hand had found purchase upon. Her sight and mind were blind to the confining brick walls around them, the only sensation registering was the _touch_ , and _sound_ , and _taste_ of the bubbling women in her arms. Who was having a hard time containing her own movements and breaths and trembling limbs.

Even without being able to stare into the blue orbs which she knew were less than an inch before her, she found herself drowning and sinking into crystal waves. Their cold arms pulling her down into a bask of warmth while she fought and struggled to remain in control. Fighting by drawing back slightly, just enough to change the angle and please the murmur of a whimper between them. From who it was produced she could not tell, but quickly she silenced it again with her nose brushing along a smaller rounder one until she latched onto parted and begging lips once more.

The brief connection between them grew quicker than either could imagine. Winding around and through them until the two beings that roamed the room melded as one. Clarke's hand traveled from between them, towards the back of the taller girl’s neck after running along the fabric of a worn t-shirt from her chest and to her arm, raising the already present goose bumps evermore until it wrapped around the blazing skin. Fingers curling in the small baby hairs that resided there and tugging her even closer, if that was even physically possible.

Clarke released her lips for a fraction of a second, pulling back with heavy lidded eyes and a trembling jaw as Lexa couldn't stare anywhere but back at the woman's lips. Which sparkled under the glow of fairy lights strung around them, hung along the ceiling and down the walls so that the two girls were plastered in soft white lights and a heavenly essence which could only be described as an illumination of connection and soft breaths and swollen lips.

“Lexa,” it was quiet and broken and unending in the dim lights. It was a question without hesitation, without curiosity.

But she didn't want to talk, she didn't want words to fill the space and build doubt and remorse and concern in the back of her mind so she kissed her again, and again, and _again_. Swallowing each moan, each whimper, and each plea until she herself was being pushed backward, away from the window.

Backward towards the bed which lay only feet from them, towards soft sheets and fluffed blankets and by everything that could be known as _Clarke_.

And just as gracefully as they had come together, they ungracefully tripped apart as the two women forgot about the small step up to the bed’s platform. Lexa's ankle catching on the low ledge and pulling her from soft lips with a surprised squeak.

But of course Clarke's reflexes caught her before the transcendent tumble, pulling her closer as they stumbled over the step. With small giggles and laughs, they tried to rejoin their mouths; the kiss was sloppy and crowded with smiles and clashing teeth but neither cared anymore. For the tense atmosphere seemed to have dissipated as the room was filled with small squeals and chuckling women, pulling gasps and whimpers from one another.

When they were both up on the platform, Lexa's legs having just hit the edge of the bed, they paused again. Regaining their breaths as gentle foreheads rested together. At some point, Lexa's hands had found purchase in Clarke's shirt, curling the fabric into her fists as she held her close, breathing the same air and listening to each other's heartbeats.

Calculated movements brought Clarke's hands up to her cheeks where the girl brushed back her loose strands of hair. Tucking the pieces behind her ears and resting calloused fingers on the edges of her cheekbones and along the line of her jaw. Careful thumbs caressed her warm skin as fingers slipped down to rest on the very edge of her neck. Lexa was trembling under her touch and Clarke smiled, their laughs having died down.

“Who would’ve known you were a space nerd as well.” The woman's face was broken into a cheeky grin but Lexa could still catch the enlightened undertones.

“Shut up,” she huffed with a giggle and pulled Clarke forward by her shirt once more.

Covering the smirk with her lips and breathing in everything that Clarke could give her. That Clarke _would_ give her.

And she smiled and Clarke smiled and she couldn't wish for anything more.

Because she _did_.

She loved her.

And hopefully, Clarke did, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, that happened :D
> 
> Nothing to say today, life's just been long, busy and boring. But I hope you enjoyed the chapter, despite of, well you know.
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!!!! I love all comments no matter how small, so please, come forth, share the love. See you guys next time!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first actual fic that I’m finally being able to write and I am super excited and have tons of ideas for this that I can’t wait to start doing but holy crap I never realized how much time it takes to write just a single chapter, I’m not sure how some people do this each day. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy and feel free to message me about anything, and remember, this is based in 1983 so I’m trying to get it as historically accurate as I can but I may have a few errors here and there. (Also if there are any typos then I apologize and feel free to mention them in the comments, I don't have a beta to read before I post so I do the best I can :D )


End file.
